(I have an older post on this account about the same guy if anyone would like more context)
Hey everyone! I (19F) text this guy from my school (20M) sometimes and I really like him, I think he likes me too but I’m not really sure. We hung out once in February but other than that we just text like once a week (We’ve also had a few really brief conversations when we see each other in common spaces). Last fall we had a class together, and I saw him then a lot too. We’ve never talked about feelings or been super forward about flirting because I don’t really wanna be the one to bring it up (I don’t think either of us has been in a real relationship), but we’ve never called each other friends either.
I really really like him and he’s never given me any reason to think he doesn’t like me (he usually texts first, he has a sibling our age who followed me on Instagram, he’s always super polite) EXCEPT he’s low key a flake. I had never even been alone in my room with a guy before we met up in February so I was super stoked when he wanted to hang out, but since then we’ve made plans twice and they’ve always fallen through. He came to a dance show I was in in April without me even asking him to and then texted me asking to go hiking the next day (I love the outdoors) and I literally left dance early to be on time for him but he texted me like 15 minutes before saying it was cold (it really wasn’t) and he didn’t think we should go anymore. That was a bummer but I didn’t think too much of it because I know stuff happens and he kept our text convo going about random stuff so I figured he wasn’t mad at me or anything. Then in early May he asked me to go to a restaurant with him (a pretty nice one) and that felt like way more of an actual date so I was super nervous but I obviously said yes because I really liked talking to him in person and I wanted to see him again. He never gave me a day or time (he texted me on a Wednesday and was asking about ‘this weekend’), so on Friday I texted him thinking he would bring it back up, but he never did so I didn’t either. Then that weekend passed and I didn’t see him, which sucked because I was really happy he asked and I’d gotten new shoes for it.
That time it hurt my feelings bad (embarrassingly enough I cried a lot that Friday when he ended our conversation without mentioning it), but I didn’t want to tell him that because I feel like there’s no point trying to convince someone to give you the basic decency of keeping their word. Now school’s out, we still text and I haven’t lost feelings for him, but I’m losing hope of us ever actually being together.
Is this his way of telling me he’s not interested? Should I try to ask him to hang out for a change or is not worth clinging onto him anymore? It’s all very confusing, but if he’s just nervous or something (he’s super quiet) I’d feel bad for overreacting. Any advice is appreciated!
TLDR my crush has flaked on me twice, so I can’t tell if this is still worth pursuing.
4 comments
He’s so not interested. Move on.
No, don’t. It will make you seem desperate and just be his fall back when anything else doesn’t work out. Sorry to be blunt but I am sure you are worth so much more.
>Then in early May he asked me to go to a restaurant with him (a pretty nice one) and that felt like way more of an actual date so I was super nervous but I obviously said yes because I really liked talking to him in person and I wanted to see him again. He never gave me a day or time (he texted me on a Wednesday and was asking about ‘this weekend’), so on Friday I texted him thinking he would bring it back up, but he never did so I didn’t either.
Thats not him ‘flaking’ that’s flat out lack of communication. If you wanted to see him you also could have brought it up. Unless you’re actually willing to voice what you want, then you probably shouldn’t ask him out again because clearly he’s not a great communicator either.
I would not pursue it because if it happened twice, it’s likely to happen again. I value my time, and I don’t appreciate other people taking it for granted repeatedly.
You can either tell him or not tell him why you’re not interested in any future get-togethers. It would sound like “I don’t think so, on two previous occasions we made plans and you flaked on me.”