How do you handle safewords in cases where someone(s) doesn’t have the ability to use words at the moment?

12 comments

1. We make sure there is some method of communication available — if one isn’t able to vocalize a safe word, ensure hands are available to make a gesture just in case.

2. We use pinches. Pinching isn’t done during sex so if either one of us pinches the other, it’s time to stop

3. If I’m bound and gagged. I just start shaking my head. Three times in a row.

   Or make a fist.

   Fortunately enough for us he’s great at reading body language and has always been able to redirect himself before I’ve ever had to use them, or a safe word.

4. I tap three times

5. Dog clickert attached to her finger. Or she holds a racquet ball/golf ball in a hand. She drops it. Full stop

6. Have non-verbal safe cues like shaking your hand or head. When I play with my fwb I’m frequently tied up or unable to speak due to his dick in my mouth or me being choked, so I definitely know the need for safe cues that’s not verbal.

7. Safe gestures.

   But if they are unable to speak then you and anyone else involved have to be extremely present minded to be alert for signs that they are trying to safeword/gesture. Depending on the scene, what feels like a lot of effort to them may be barely noticeable to anyone, so stay alert and mindful of their condition and responses. While you ALWAYS respect the safeword, you don’t have to wait for them to safeword/gesture if you feel things are going too far for them (or you). You can safeword yourself if you feel like it’s out of hand and they are unresponsive out of circumstance, being in subspace, or being incapacitated.

   Gestures (that everyone involved agrees upon recognizing) can be vigorous head nodding no, triple tapping hand over and over, vigorous blinking, etc. You just have to be REALLY careful and attentive when you remove someone’s ability to speak.

8. Tap my partner twice or snap if my hands are bound.

9. Tap out or holding something they can drop. You can also stop from time to time for a check

10. Double tap. It’s at a point that we now use it outside of sex, if one of us is sitting in the others lap and we need to get up and the other easily knows. Even if hands don’t have full range of motion, double tapping whatever is closest is the signal.

11. Hand signals

12. We decided on a gesture. She normally clenches her fists during sex, so if she opened her hand it was the same as a safe word.