It almost feels like I’m cursed or something, I would swear it. I used to act really needy and was a people pleaser and that didn’t work. I noticed the people everyone wanted to be around were self absorbed and confident and lead conversations, so lately I’ve tried that. I have better conversations but still am not asked to go out and anytime I try to ask someone too I’m left on read. I take initiative, I listen to other people, I lead a fun life and am always doing stuff exciting by myself. What could I be doing wrong?
3 comments
Enjoy your own company. Sonder is the first step.
Acquiescence is the last.
Think about it this way. You want people to text/invite/connect with you, which is fine. But why should people text/invite/connect with you ? The truth is people subconsciously attach you to the value you bring to your interactions. In other words, there has to be a clear, unique, and convincing reason for people to reach out to you. People gather this from the quality of conversations you have with them. You reaching out or knowing them for a long time isn’t simply enough for them to reach out to you. You have to genuinely connect with them in person, be confident in expressing yourself in person, and bring positive vibes. Even better, find ways to add to people’s lives. Maybe you have a skill, hobby, or talent that aligns with people’s interests. Let them know about it. Offer to help people in some aspect of life. People respect those who impact their lives.
In general, people are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation. They gravitate towards somebody who is self confident and well-rounded in life. You need to focus on becoming genuinely busy in life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while learning how to interact with other people on the side. Find something you enjoy doing or are passionate for and keep doing it overtime. Find groups in your area who are also pursuing the same thing. Chase excellence, not people.
i’m in a similar boat but i agree with a previous commentator- enjoy your own company. i’m starting to think socializing is really nothing but a numbers game. i think it comes down to staying true to yourself and not thinking you are confident but really embodying it. also understanding that not everyone will become your best friend. heck, most people are placeholders until you keep at it and actually find your tribe. don’t give up. keep being yourself, putting yourself out there and you’ll find your tribe! best wishes