Moving forward with my parents

I(24M) saw some post over here that motivated me to share my similar situation.

My parents(45M)(44F) used to frequently go out as a couple a lot more compared to other parents. I mean, we did a lot of stuff as a family, but they seemed to really enjoy each other’s company more than anything or really preferred adult outings. When I was 16 years old, they opened up to me about their ethical nonmonogamious relatiobnship. They were swingers with a poly quad relationship with another couple who I thought they were just close friends of theirs. They thought I was mature enough to take the news and they didn’t want me to find out from someone else. They also wanted to be more open about their poly quad relationship at home.

That sort of gave them the green light to go all out with their enm lifestyle. The quad couple visited significantly more than usual. They were openly affectionate with this couple in the house. They sort of asked me to make myself scarce on the weekends more times I can count. I was 19 years old and I was commuting to community college. I remember coming back home a little bit earlier. I walked in and there was a half naked dude getting water from our refrigerator. I was shocked when I recognized him since he was only two years my senior and we went to high school together. He was in shock when he saw me too. My mom came out of her room asking him(lets’ call him Josh) when he is coming back for “second rounds”. My mom found me in the kitchen wearing her nightgown. Her face flushed red. She was in shock too, apparently. Josh spoke and said “My bad dude. I didn’t know these were your parents. Casey(mom) I went to high school with your kid.” I told them I’m going to stay at a hotel tonight. My mom quickly interjected and lied by saying Josh was leaving. The next day, she apologized for the awkward situation. She still kept seeing him though.

Now, I’m not attracted to my own parents. The sheer thought would make me hurl. However, the fact that my parents such special attention to someone who was my peer, made me insanely jealous. I started avoiding being at home. I was at the library or at my friends’ houses majority of the time. The good news was that my grades went up significantly. I was able to transfer to a really notable engineering school in the country to finish my last two years of my mechanical engineering degree. It was also far away from home. My parent pulled the usual “Oh we don’t you to go. Can’t you find some place close. Alright we’ll miss you.” bullshit. I got a nice internship for my last two years so I didn’t need to visit my parents during the summer or spring break since I could afford an apartment with my friends. They definitely visited me but I made it clear I was too busy for them when they visited.

It’s been two years now, but I love my life. I have a sweet job that pays really well. I am in a stable, lovely relationship for three years. Her parents love me like crazy. However, my parents were the ones that sort of spoiled my picture perfect life or at least that’s how I felt. My mother started calling me every other day even though the conversations were long, painful and awkward. Thet kept asking when was I visiting. I had to make up a bullshit excuse of being always too busy due to my job. My mom begged me yesterday to visit her on her upcoming birthday. I told her I was too busy for her. She started bursting into tears. She randomly started begging me to not abandon them like everyone else did. My father then called and told me that Josh and the couple moved on from them. That took a toll in their life and they just wanted comfort. I told my dad, it makes me uncomfortable to pretend to be close to them when I’m really not. He then called me an asshole.

My girlfriend and her family suggested I go visit my parents for my Mom’s birthday next week. My girlfriend’s mom told me her heart would be broken if she didn’t gave a close relationship with either of her kids.

I decided to share my posts on the polyfamilies and nonmonogamy subreddits. I got a few responses that were harsh. Some suggested I was running away from my problems and that I’m being cruel to my parents. It was hard to swallow.

I’ve decided to book tickets to visit my parents. I asked them if I could talk to them about our relationship and they immediately said yes.

I really don’t want to go but there can be alot of benefit going I guess.

The main reason I am posting over here is that I need some advice on how to approach this subject. I have nothing against them being enm nor do I want to know about the personal details of their sex life. However I feel the need to express how I felt throughout all these years as a kid.

Any advice would be fine. Thank you so much folks.

tl;dr: My parents’ lifestyle alienated me and now I am going on my mom’s birthday to talk about it with them.