So I \[22M\] am going on exchange later this summer and as part of this exchange I planned to do a language course offered by the university. It will consist of normal classes as well as a social program with includes some trips and one weekend excursion.
My gf already has had a huge issue with the housing (possibly) being coed and with these trips in general. I promised her I wouldn’t go on trips with any women, exception being the language course.
However, she is now very very mad (To the point of considering breaking up) for the language course also including a weekend excursion (and thus an overnight stay).
And I just don’t know what to do, I understand the feelings from her side and offered to e.g. do a zoom call with the people I live with or have her visit me during my stay. And I would never do anything to hurt her feelings.
On the other hand, I don’t want to restrict myself so much by, for example, cancelling my language course as she wants. Because I’m going to an entirely new city and I want (need!) to make new friends/meet new people.
My gf talks about not prioritizing the relationship/that I am acting like I’m single. And since this is my first relationship, I’m honestly not sure what is normal/reasonable. I love her very much and I would like to take her into account as much as possible, but I feel not trusted and like it’s going to hinder/limit my exchange a lot.
Now I have no clue if I should just go do the course regardless or not?
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Tl;Dr Going on exchange next year, want to do a language course that includes a weekend excursion. Girlfriend does not want me to go, and I am not sure if I should go or not.
6 comments
Close your eyes and imagine you two are a married couple and you are sent on a business trip. Let’s say there will be women on this trip.
Get it? I would dust this girl so fast her head would spin.
A supportive and secure partner would understand about you improving yourself and wouldn’t be trying to emotionally blackmail you into not going. I say let her break up with you if that’s what she’s threatening to do for non-compliance with her demand.
It’s not like you’re going on a ski trip without her, this is for education and personal advancement and she’s being unreasonable.
People bettering themselves should be supported…not blamed.
Don’t let her behavior keep you from something productive in your life. You should never sacrifice a good life experience, if it is important to you.
If you were doing something small and insignificant…the priority blaming may have some merit – but not in this case.
Assure her that her insecurities won’t sway your efforts.
Huge red flag. Huge trust issues. Lack of respect for you and your personal goals. Overly clingy and attachment issues. This isn’t good.
If your partner doesn’t want you to have normal, fun experiences that most people your age are having because you might strike up casual social friendships with other women, you need to reconsider the relationship.
She’s being controlling and unreasonable.
Absolutely do the course. You’ll regret not doing it, especially after you eventually break up with this girlfriend anyway (which you will, because sooner or later you’ll snap because she’s unreasonably controlling and unreasonably controlling people become more controlling when you give them what they want).
If she’s got trust issues to this extent, she needs professional help. She can’t expect you to put your life on hold to cater to her insecurities.