I visibly make people uncomfortable and I always burn bridges with people

Maybe sometimes someone will initiate contact with me first and I’m too caught off guard that I don’t know what to say so I just stand there awkwardly and they’re turned off by it.

I want to talk to people and I thought I was making decent progress but I still don’t know how to talk to people, especially if I already established with them that I’m an awkward bumbling freak. I wish I could start fresh because I know I gave a lot of people a bad impression at my job so now they think I’m a bitch. And then there’s others that tried to talk to me many times but I was too shy and fucked up those opportunities and they’re not interested anymore.

I don’t know how to start conversations with them and I wish I could just explain that it’s really fucking hard for me to talk to people.

These past few days at work have been so tough. I thought I was doing so well but then I fuck it up and go back to my old ways.