We’ve been talking heavily since the beginning of June and been on 5 really good dates. She’s stayed around a couple of times and evenings together, and we’ve spent many hours talking in between on the phone or sending voice notes. I mean hours upon hours of talking in between.
I expressed today in a bit of a dorky way verbally via voice note that I’m starting to love her a little. I absolutely stressed I didn’t need to hear it back. Yeah yeah, I know schoolboy error…but I genuinely feel that way. She makes me smile & laugh about everything, we’ve shared all sorts of personal emotional & intimate stuff – we just click, and we’ve both expressed seeing a future with each other.
However…her initial response was a little disheartening…and I’m paraphrasing ‘…I think you’re just so excited about finding someone you click with, **that you’re warping** **it in your mind**.’ There was a lot before and after it, but man that phrase…
I’m not going to lie, it really gutted me – that specific phrasing really sucked and I feel for me it largely invalidates anything ‘romantic’ or ‘optimistic’ I’ve said to this point. She realised the way it was said wasn’t her intent with the situation, still wants to see me and we’ve made plans for Sunday.
**To be clear I’m OK with her not saying the L word back yet** \- I honestly totally get it, people can be on different chapters in a RL book. The way it was expressed though **warping**…as an over thinker I can already see myself being a lot more guarded with the the usual things I express & do. How do I proceed from here?
5 comments
5 dates is a little early. Even with lots of talking in between. I’d be worried about stalking honestly.
I’m not saying this is the case, but it sounds like it could be some kind of defense mechanism. Like she’s saying it’s not true so that she isn’t disappointed later if it’s not true. Obviously it doesn’t work that way, but I kinda sympathise with her a little. It could possibly also be her trying to get you to be clearer about it.
It could be many things, and you won’t be sure until you talk more about it but I’m presenting you with more positive possibilities than your overthinking is coming up with right now.
It’s still June, so you have only been only talking for less than a month? That’s WAY too early to be saying you love someone, OP. I’m not surprised she said what she did, I think you need to evaluate if you actually are jumping the gun and mistaking your feelings or not.
You say that you’re ok with her not saying it back but have you considered how you saying it effects her? It’s a lot of pressure to match the other person when you know they feels that way- it adds heavier expectations to everything. She also has to be more guarded in how she expresses affection because of your confession of love. Are you the type to quickly declare love to everyone you date only for it to crash and burn quickly because you just got caught up in the honeymoon phase? She doesn’t know- she has to consider that. There’s being in different chapters and then there’s rushing more than someone is comfortable with.
You said “I love you” after 5 dates? How long has it been since your last relationship?
Are you even bf and gf?