Am I( F19) the only one? Anytime my BF (21) goes down on me I don’t feel “pleasure” it only tickles and sometimes is uncomfortable but doesn’t hurt. I tell him it’s good because I don’t want to disappoint him but then he’s always asking to do it because he thinks I like it and likes making me feel good. He also asks ways to improve during the act bc I guess he can sense it.. but I don’t know myself bc he’s my first. I don’t want to make him feel incompetent bc I know that can breed resentment of never being able to sexually fulfill your partner. So I allow him and encourage him that he’s doing good but then each time I end up telling him to stop because it’s not comfortable when he goes down on me. I want you guys to tell me how it’s supposed to feel.
Tbh I really feel like it’s me. I’ve never been in the mood for sex and he’s always the initiator. I usually just go along in hopes I do end up feeling it while doing the act. Sometime I do get that feeling but it only lasts seconds while we’re in bed for wayy longer than that. I’m not sure if it’s bc I may have a low libido or it’s bc it’s with him or maybe it’s because until recently, I was a virgin. (He was the one who took it) I’ve never masturbated but I do watch porn from time to time… Idk if that helps. I think I just need advice if this is a common occurrence for women.
5 comments
I know you are just trying to protect his feelings OP, but I think you bf would appreciate it if you were honest with him.
Secondly, it is hard to know what you like and dislike if you have never masturbated. If you don’t know what works for you yourself then how is another person supposed to know?
But even all that aside, sex just isn’t it for some people and that is completely ok too.
If you’re unhappy with the situation, I’d actually recommend starting to masturbate regularly. You need to learn how you need to be touched in order for it to feel nice. Maybe eventually you even get to know how you can orgasm. After you’ve learned what you like, you can see how adding your partner can make it better while acknowledging theres differences that can make it harder to be stimulated in the exact right way.
It isn’t for everyone, a term to look up is asexual. Do you like anything physical with another person? Does something as simple as a kiss give you any strange emotions? Lack of masturbation isn’t a perfect sign since some people only have sexual desires with another person, but paired with the other things it all points towards asexual. There are different expectations for sex, and you have to be able to talk about this with your partner. You both want to make each other happy, its a bad path to just say what he wants to hear or what you think girls are supposed to like. I’m a guy and I would want to know exactly what you like even if that means you dont want sex or you want it a different way. He has certain sexual needs, one if which is to please you, you can’t keep pretending to like it because you are keeping him from being happy by lying. Either he will a) keep trying different ways to please you but constantly come up short and feel inadequate; or b) learn the wrong way to ‘please’ you if you get better at acting and ruin his sexual experience, a lie like that explodes eventually and is bad for everybody when he realizes the truth. Sex drive is a psychological thing, hormone imbalance can affect it but generally you can’t force yourself to have one. Asexuality or low libido can happen to anybody, there are guys out there with your same dilema.
There’s nothing wrong with you. But if you want to try and connect with him sexually, you should really try masturbation. You need to figure out how you are wired, and then figure out how to get him to learn too.
To be completely honest with you, it *IS* you.
Not that it’s bad, however, you should’ve been honest with him from the start. Being a couple means communicating even when it’s in a tough situation (like this one).
He can’t learn if you don’t teach him and you can’t learn if you don’t explore. Try masturbating and testing your waters before he jumps in.