I have always been kinda introvert and the friends I made were always kinda “forced” by the fact we were in the same class, so for me it’s more then hard to talk casually to strangers and make connections.
The first year of university I forced myself to make friends or atleast try to talk with the person next to me before the classes ended, it was super hard but I made two friends, not much but I was super proud but then I got confortable with the group and I stopped to find other people.
After 2 years now I find myself in a group of 4 people but we are always the same, I wish I had more friends or people to talk to but it’s too hard for me, I dont have classes anymore and anyway it’s not the same feeling of the first year where everyone was new to each other and I felt like I could have approached anyone, now everyone has their group and a lot have passed.
I thought about finding local groups somehow but the city I’m in is pretty small, I cant just walk to strangers and start a conversation, on university I feel like everyone has already someone else and I cringe, I could try online groups but I’m not too interested in joining a chat, I would prefer irl I have always been playing games until highschool and I grown up sick of them (even tho I still play them when I feel like it).
But here is the issue, even if I had a conversation, I have no idea what to talk about, I have this issue with everyone, at home, with my university group and really anyone I know, when for example I’m hanging out with someone my brain just freeze and I dont know what to say, really I want to think of an argument so bad to bring up but it’s just empty in my head, it goes blank.
I’m sure this is caused by being anxious or some memory problem but I think I might just be boring, rarely I feel like the conversation is interesting. Often the conversation are the same from the day before and the day of the day before, and with new people usually it’s just boring stuff like university stuff, I really feel like compiling a 50 rows of topics to bring up but it feels so lame, but maybe to have some starting points it might be useful? Maybe I need different hobbies? I”m pretty nerdy (I’m in computer science) and often those stuff are just boring if the other people is not from the same field (and even there there are people who couldnt care less). I’m trying to work out at home (Hopefully I can mantain this routine), I started reading a book which speak about self worth and bad emotions to avoid but it will not help with my problem of finding things to say and be interesting, if you have any I will be more then happy to read it.
I feel like this thread is getting huge so I will have to finish here, I really wanted to speak of other things but it will be for another time, but I would say that since the end of highschool I have made a lot of progress, in recognizing my problems, and (at the moment not really working) fixing them little by little.
1 comment
Quality of friends is more important then quantity ,u can’t overthink interactions or it’s going to to come off forced ,as an fellow introvert,I feel u,the best friendships come organically,some come through common personalities,some through same experiences,some through some hobbies or a perfect combination,go into a conversation like u have nothing to lose,go on tinder give them the silliest,have a dgaf attitude about it,the more u do it the less anxiety,in high school/college I was in the same boat as u,very bad anxiety,but I overcame it by making a fool out of myself,life goes on,people are too self absorbed in their problems,relationships form organically in unexpected situations,u can’t road map a conversation,I tried that,online helps bc u have time to think about what ur saying instead of thinking off the fly,then progress more face to face when u build up your confidence,best of luck,I found my best friend by calling him a vegan hipster on tinder,I never expected him to have a sense of humor about it,ask questions about their life and make funny jokes about it,like he grew a garden so I made vulgar eggplant jokes,we had a blast,then I found out he just moved into a studio furnitureless,so I said don’t fart your ears off,take risks,don’t worry about offending people,unless u say things that are obviously inappropriate making a fool out of yourself is the price of admission for opportunities in life,again good luck