Oddly specific question, I know, but I feel like my first years at this place I started off on the wrong foot with people. I’m a bit insecure in that i can’t really talk to people unless they reach out first. I’m too afraid of being awkward by trying to start conversations. I always feel like i butt in too abruptly.
Is it too late to connect with the people around me? Has my reputation settled? What are some general skills that might help me? Any advice, specific or not, is greatly appreciated. 🙂
3 comments
You don’t have to talk. You can just smile and wave every day. (Which is a pretty big deal if you don’t smile and wave for everyone.) That puts you on their radar at least, and makes it pretty obvious (I hope) that you’re interested in this person. I think after a while of just getting used to minor social things, it gets easier to say “hey,” or “I like your shirt,” or “are you going to the [event] this weekend?”
Being awkward is better than doing nothing at all- something is always better than nothing.
Breaking into pre-existing friend groups can be hard, but you just have to trust that the people around you legitimately want friends just as much as you do. You might stumble and make mistakes, but this isn’t high school.
It’s never too late.
My friend would sometimes show up to social events with a friend of his with whom I’d rarely say a word. It must’ve looked bad because I would be so gregarious with everyone else except for her. I never knew what to say to her. I felt we were on different planes. Then one day, we were at the same event and I just started talking to her as if we had been close friends for years. I don’t know why. Whatever block I felt was gone. We had a rather nice conversation. I know that the next time I see her we’re gonna talk just like the last time again..
A basic technique you can use is called The Opinion Opener. Go up to a person and ask for their opinion on something. Say, “Hey. Quick question. I need your opinion on something…” People love giving their opinion, especially women. The “quick question” part let’s them know you’re not sticking around too long which puts them at ease especially when they don’t know you very well.
>befriend people who’ve known you for years (school/work) but you never “broke in” to their friend group?
Why don’t THEY invite you ? Clearly they would have put more effort to interact with you, and most likely they know that you’re hesitant of doing so because you are afraid of the situation becoming awkward.
There are other people that you can go along with without starting to develop rapport in an artificial way.