I struggle to make friends a lot because I constantly feel like I’m bragging and think that people perceive me as thinking I’m better than them. I live in a somewhat poor area of Mexico so knowing English, having lived in the US, and having a dad that earns a bit more than others puts me in a spot where I do very well in school, can get a good job, and will help my career in the future. Lots of people see this as “the American dream” aka learning English, moving to the US, and getting a high-paying job or even if I stay in Mexico, I can get a great job without having to go to college.
My dad had always told me from a young age that x person doesn’t like me/is jealous of me because I’m an American citizen and know English very well and I don’t like being told that because I don’t like feeling better than others. I want people to see me as an equal or a friend, not as a competition.
A few days ago, I was telling one of my best friends that I wanted to become a radiologist in the US but my parents wouldn’t let me attend med school (that was the only one I could go to if I wanted to work in the US) in another state because they just didn’t want me to. My friend said that I should really try to go to that med school because it would be great for me and it would be really easy for me since becoming a licensed doctor in the US for a foreign medical student is usually a very hard and expensive process. I told my parents this and they just told me that my friend was jealous of me and not to listen to him.
And its gotten to the point where I don’t tell anyone these things but now I feel like I’m constantly hiding things about myself that might appear as bragging. Now I even feel like I’m lying to people since much of this is a huge part of my identity and my entire life.
I have lots of American friends I speak to online and sometimes I want to bring them up to my Mexican friends but I always keep it to myself because my brain immediately tells me “can you not bring up something that has to do with speaking in English!?”. When I go to see my family in the US for vacation, I never tell anyone except for 2 of my closest friends and actively avoid telling anyone else out of fear of being seen as someone that constantly makes being American her personality. Even as I type this I’m cringing.
Sorry for all the rambling. Any advice? Was my friend really jealous?
1 comment
Just be yourself, all this shall pass and it will be the reason you are better for it.
Count yourself fortunate and when you have the money or opportunity, change the situation for others less fortunate so they don’t have to feel the same feelings.