Backstory- my husband and I got married shortly after finding out we were pregnant. He’s an amazing dad- I can’t stress that enough. I consider him to be my best friend (which is what makes this whole ordeal so shitty). Here’s the synopsis:
– We moved from Pennsylvania to Washington State for his new job. His family is nearby… but his mom has a lot of narcissistic traits/ erratic behaviors. She has caused a lot of pain for those around her, and cuts him off whenever he sets boundaries with her. After we told her that we were taking a break, she essentially made it so his dad and younger sisters rarely see him (“flying monkies”). He has 0 family support.
– he works non stop. The dude has no time to himself. His social life isn’t great, by no fault of his own.
– lately he has been acting really depressed. When I ask him if he’s experiencing depression/ burn out, he gets really defensive toward me.
– I try to do family activities. Today we were driving to the beach, he kept saying things like “I guess you make sacrifices in marriage” (and saying that he didn’t want to but if I really want our family to go to the beach, he would). At about the 5th statement he made like this, I told him that if he didn’t want to he didn’t have to. He got frustrated and took us home.
– He said he was burnt out, so I took our daughter out for 6.5 hours so he could have his alone time. When I got back, nothing changed. He then asked what we did (we went to the park/ splash pad then picked up McDonald’s) then asked me if she played with other kids. I said yes. He told me that I shouldn’t be exposing her to others, and that if kids get too close to her I need to ask them not to/ remove her. For the record- she is a toddler who mingles with other toddlers. My husband isn’t overly familiar with how other kids play together.
-Insert rant about COVID. I asked him what he’d prefer I do with her- he said that he doesn’t want us around people/ kids who are all touching the same toy, are all close in proximity, etc. So no splash pad, park, church… you get the idea.
– it’s really hard to approach the idea of couples counselling with him when he gets upset when I suggest he may be going through a depressive phase. I try to listen empathetically and speak in a non judgemental tone, and I’ll keep doing these things. But I’m so discouraged that nothing is changing. I really don’t know what to do.
I love him more than life itself- so please don’t suggest divorce. Thank you 🥰
3 comments
It’s crazy how fast people suggest leaving.
It takes effort. You sometimes have to fight for it.
Therapy is wonderful before you get to the point of divorce. I’m married 15 years. It was the best thing we ever did for ourselves and our marriage
Therapy therapy therapy
He is a cannon waiting to blow. He needs to talk to a professional about what is going on and about how to set boundaries in his work, marriage, family, and life.
He needs to take time and invest in himself since he has lost it over the years
Also with a mother like that I won’t be shocked if he doesn’t have massive childhood traumas and maybe coping with a crazy like her he has just learned to shut down and accept the abuse and that he has no word or say how his life is as long as the women in his life are happy and away from him.