A while ago, I broke my arm stage diving at a show and had to get surgery 6 weeks later. But for those 6 weeks, I worked. My partner has a history of getting mad at stuff he cannot control and getting mad at me for stuff I cannot control. Recently, I thought i was gonna be able to come back to work, but due ti state regulations, I cannot give care as a caregiver and they will not accommodate for light duty as a caregiver. So that means, I have to apply for state paid medical leave. I already have taken two weeks off from the surgery, and now I have to take even more time off and my partner is clearly upset about it. We have been together for like 2 years now and I can see the signs of when he is upset.
TLDR: my partner is clearly upset at me about me having to take paid medical leave and I don’t know what to do
7 comments
What you do is you tell him it’s okay if he’s upset or frustrated, so long as he doesn’t take it out on you in any way, and then you go about your life and ignore his pouting. He can take time to himself if he needs to cope or he can work with a therapist on it. But it is not your problem. If he makes it your problem, give him a warning. If he continues to make it your problem, dump him. Taking care of your own feelings in a manner that does not harm others is a basic responsibility of being an ethical adult.
“My partner has a history of getting mad at stuff he cannot control and getting mad at me for stuff I cannot control”
and this is acceptable to you?
Why is he upset?
Paid medical leave (are you in Washington?) only replaces a portion of your income so is he stressed about money?
Is he stressed because you can’t do the things you normally do and therefore his load feels heavier? Caretaker fatigue is a thing even for short-term/relatively minor incidents.
Is he upset/jealous because he’s burned out and would really like six weeks off from work even if that means a broken arm?
Or is he just an asshole who thinks you’re lazy and whiny?
If you don’t know why he’s upset, sit down and talk to him. You can’t decide what to do until you know what the situation actually is.
And big picture, he really needs to get some professional help in coping with things that make him mad/anxious.
Like my job wont let me work, and Im too scared to tell him that, and I am sitting here at my job in the parking lot pretending I am at work.
You tell him to grow the fuck up. Shit happens. That’s life.
Show me a person who says they never made a mistake ever. And ill show you a liar.
> My partner has a history of getting mad at stuff he cannot control and getting mad at me for stuff I cannot control.
I can see how he’d be annoyed if your attitude is that this situation was out of your control. If you hadn’t done something dumb and dangerous, you wouldn’t have gotten injured.
Stand up for yourself! Explain how his behavior makes you feel, don’t tell him what he’s doing wrong because angry people don’t respond well to that. If he can’t even care about how you feel, then think how much worse it would be 5 years down the line