Im 28 (M)
Shes 27 (F)
We met on hinge and we had a date for today but something in me just really does NOT want to go. We texted for the last 2 weeks and shes AWFUL at conversation….one word answers, short replies, no sense of humor at all. (she gorgeous tho)
I figured maybe shes just a bad texter so we set a time where we just talked on the phone instead and it was WORSE. We were on the phone for like 10 minutes and it felt like i was talking with a potato the whole time…shes a sweetheart and she mentioned she was excited for out date today but im already exhausted from work and dealing with someone who just is naturally quiet and introverted to the point where it feels like i have to work to make a conversation happen…i just dont think thats one more thing i want to have to deal with
I canceled and said it was because i had to work late shift (i know it was a lie but i didnt want to hurt her) she told me its fine and she was disappointed bc she was looking forward to it all week but …i just dont have the mental energy to try to help someone out of their shell and get them to talk to me
28 comments
I don’t think it’s wrong to want reciprocity in a relationship! Making conversation is another way of putting effort into a relationship; if it’s like this now, when you are only just getting to know each other…. my guess is that it would only become more frustrating for you. You could tell her that you really wanted to make things work, but you didn’t feel a connection with her and you don’t want to waste her (or your own) time. These situations are so tricky to navigate, good luck!
But she might have been better in person? Feel so bad for her 😔
i would have gave her a shot, she may be one of those people that are just awkward over the phone.
She could be really shy? It’s awkward but maybe she needs to warm up a bit
Could have given her a shot in person. Some people need that actual connection to open up.
You’re not wrong, but texting for two weeks? Didn’t you know she had the personality of a wombat sooner than that? I think it would’ve been just as bad in person, given that the phone call didn’t go well.
IMO I’d give her another chance. She might be better IRL.
If you give excuses you’ll hurt her more. If you don’t want to meet that’s totally valid and completely up to you, but I’d recommend being upfront about it. Something like you just don’t feel there’s chemistry. I dunno there are a lot of articles online about how to word it best.
Bro you didn’t even meet her in person yet? Give her a chance and reschedule a date immediately my guy. You never know with some people she may surprise you.
You may be surprised once she’s “out of her shell”. It can be a challenge to start dating quiet people, but they deserve a chance like anyone else.
I personally am a little quiet at first
Especially when I’m interested in someone
My bf now is super chatty and would call me
out sometimes.
We’re going on a year and now we overtalk each other 🤣
Give her a chance
Yeah I met a woman, she was beautiful and super shy bc she knew how much guys wanted in her pants. She didn’t want to open up too quickly bc for her it means connection and she goes all in really quickly once she has connection.
Give her a chance in person – could be great for both of you, or it may validate how youre feeling; She could be nervous/anxious/shy – connect w her on topics of interest – ask her what excites her, what’s the last thing that made her cry from laughter, or jump out of her seat from fright/happiness and see if she lights up/gets effusive. Good luck.
Sometimes you don’t have to talk. I hated people who made me do small talk. You should do something together instead, and that does not involve talking. For example ask her what game she plays and play it with her. Then talk about her fav game character. Or watch a movie together. Make cookies together.
I mean you guys met online so maybe she’s one of those people who doesn’t like to share a lot on there.i hate dry texting too but I think it was worth giving it a shot, you never know unless you try.
I don’t think you’re to blame here for anything, but you should give it a shot when you feel better; she might surprise you.
You shouldn’t ask our opinión honestly. We weren’t in that phone call
For all we know she might be worse in person
Not sure why everyone here is telling you to give her another chance but I will say just let her go, you did a major douche move by canceling the date the day of.
I’ve been there dude.
This cute girl with curly hair was bad at conversation at university when I asked her for the phone number. We kept talking for like 10 minutes. She gave me her number and said she’ll like to hangout. She requested me to text her.
I have never texted her.
Set a date, go on the date.
Some people are best experienced in person.
Sounds like your fears building up, giving you excuses not to go out and meet someone.
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If you really only date people who “interview well” over text or phone, you’re gonna miss out on a lot of gems, and go out with a LOT of duds – because it’s way easier to be slick at a distance/remove, and show up the mess you are.
It’s awkward to talk in the phone with someone you never meet. My husband was the worst at texting and I almost didn’t go on our first date. So glad I went. He was not bad at conversing in person.
If I were you I’d give it a chance. Do a coffee date or something that’s short and low effort and if it doesn’t work out then there isn’t any harm done.
Gorgeous, introverted, excited to see you…. I think you should give it time. Go so far as to asking her some open ended questions regularly to get her to open up. If you want conversation find out what she’s excited about. If you play your cards right you will definitely get what you asked for.
Trust your gut
Talking to a potato, haaaaahahaha
Gods no if that’s how you feel imagine a lifetime…no not wrong.
I’ll give you the opposite advice as most people have seemingly been giving you. It takes two to tango, if you were having to put in all the effort and she wasn’t putting any back in, then it’s for the best that you let her go. The date would have been even more uncomfortable for you and as a result probably her too and ultimately wouldn’t have gone anywhere. I understand that some people are more shy than others and maybe making conversation is a bit hard for her, but if you aren’t ok with putting all the effort in to get her out of her shell then and had an issue with how much effort she was putting in compared to you, then you made the right decision. Cancelling last minute may not have been the best way to go about it, but I definitely agree with your overall decision
I feel you man and you did absolutely nothing wrong if you can’t afford to drain your energy on someone whose uninteresting, don’t listen to losers calling you names in comment section they get stood up a lot irl so they are taking it out on you, not everyone has the time and energy to work on other people.
Way to break the mold and not just be the guy going for the hot piece of ass.
I would be disinterested as well. I want someone who can help engage in a conversation