Me a 13 year old and my friends are my age (all of us are male) Everyday when we go outside my friends always tell me I’m ugly, retarded etc. I don’t know how to respond so usually I just don’t respond but it hurts and it just makes me sad :/. I don’t know how to deal with this because I don’t wanna say stuff back because I don’t wanna make them sad or anything. I just don’t know what to do, what should I do? (Btw these are my only friends)
40 comments
Friends?
Sadly, they are not your friends. You can ask them to stop which I know will be scary to do, but you should tell them that it hurts your feelings. If they don’t stop, then I suggest slowly getting a new group of friends
Firstly, every bad thing that they say about you to you is not true. You are not ugly, etc. They are saying those things because they want to hurt you, not because they are true.
Secondly, if you haven’t already done this, you should tell them how those names make you feel sad and that they should stop. If even after you tell them it makes you feel bad and they continue to be mean to you, then you shouldn’t continue being friends with people who don’t care about your feelings. I know you said they are your only friends, but a lesson I learned about friendship when I was in high school (I’m 23 now) is that friends come and go and the ones who really care about you will stick around and always listen to you about your feelings. They are your only friends now, but you can always make new and better friends too as time goes on! 🙂 it’s better to surround yourself with friends who care about you than friends who bully you everyday. I hope this helps!
First of all, all that they have said is a lie, you’re very considerate even to be careful about what they would feel if you answer back, so they are the real idiots here. Honey, those are not your friends, I know sometimes we are attached to these people bc we feel like we’ll end up alone, but I can tell you you can find better people to be around you, people that make you feel better and that will make you feel better with yourself.
So please get away from these so-called “friends”, it will only get worse in the future, escape now before it’s too late, those people tend to be more aggressive each time, so please be careful and get away from them, you are worthy and you deserve to be treated with respect.
Dude everything they said is cap and I’m so sorry that they’re like that to you. Seeing that you guys are all 13, it seems like your friends want to say those those things to make themselves feel better?
A question though. Do they also call each other ugly and the r slur as well?
The best responses you can give if you don’t wanna address it, are gonna be the ones that respond but don’t show emotion.
“Yeah okay.”
“You done yet?”
“Anything else?”
Deadpan look on your face. Stare at them without reaction, don’t avoid them, but also show that you really feel like you’re settling for not very good people. Another good tactic is practicing continuing the conversation like nothing was never said, that insult carried no value and they need to know that.
A lack of feedback is unsettling for most people who try to get under your skin for attention.
Guys have it especially bad because most boys don’t learn how to work with others, only compete.
Middle schoolers can be the worst because they’re in a middle phase where they’re learning how to genuinely hurt others and feel that high; but they’re still young enough to be protected from the consequences of their actions so they don’t learn better till much later.
Gonna say this from a 22yo perspective, they’re teasing you, something all guys do with their friends. These guys are not your friends though, they’re bullying you, you’re the target of the group. Again, they are NOT your friends. Me and my friends tease each other all the time but there’s a line we know not to cross. When you tell them you dont like them calling you names, its going to go 2 ways, 1 they’re either gonna respect you for that and cut it out or 2, they wont even acknowledge how it makes you feel and possibly come down 10x harder. From that you can decide how to move forward. Should it end up as the 2nd option, its not the end of the world and they will not be the only friends you come across. You’re about to start HS so there’s new opportunities there. Like other comments said though, surround yourself people who care about you. Best of luck
Real friends aren’t going to disrespect you like that. You deserve kindness. Unfortunately, middle school just kind of sucks because everyone is disproportionately mean.
I will say though, if you need to show these people they’re being an ass: If you give total silence for like 5 seconds after they say something to you, chances are they’ll take it as rejection about whatever they said. It can make some people really nervous and start backpedaling when they say some wack shit.
Sorry about that kid, but listen you’ve got three options: either cut your “friends” out of your life, tell an adult what’s going on, or start roasting them back
They’re not your friends.
Dump them and kick them in the balls.
I’m sorry to say this but these are not your friends. Friends don’t hurt or put down other friends. Don’t hangout with them and if things get worse talk to a trusted grownup (parents, teacher, counselor). You deserve wonderful friends who lift you up and cheer you on.
I struggled with the same situation around your age. I promise it gets better. You’ll move into new schools and have more opportunities to make real friends. Best of luck bub, it’s going to be okay 💖
I experience this when I was your age, my honest opinion is don’t consider the emotions of those who insult you, and never be scared to throw out an insult. Most young men are weird and seem to always find easy targets, don’t be one. I’m not saying become the asshole who becomes the bully, but bullying your bullys is fair game and a solid past time
Do they do the same thing to each other or only you? Do they invite you out when they hang? What do they like about you or like doing with you?
As an older guy, I have faced this same exact thing.
But first off, huge hand and respect to you for being brave enough to talk about your feelings and being strong enough to find a solution. You are such a brave guy. Even better and lots of great characteristics a lot of adults don’t even have. HUGE HIGH FIVE!
I know it’s scary; but you can do it!
It’s important to learn to stand up before you begin to internalize and feel those things they say to you are true! Growing up, I had friend bully, and I did say speak up, but not assertively enough. So I internalized some of those things and they made me feel really bad about me for a long time! MAke sure to take some action so that doesn’t happen to you, ok man?
First kindly ask. If it’s not, then be more aggressive and assertive. Raise your voice! “STOP! That’s not going to be said here.” Go from kindly asking, and being a leader directing how things should go.
If that doesn’t stop it, then don’t be friends. Tell them I’m not oging to be friends with you because you don’t act like real friends. and go be friends with people who will be nice.
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My two biggest mistakes were that I didn’t speak up and had no spine, when I was in high school. Develop those skills and it will make you happy! You can do it! ALL OF US, are here to support you strong young fella ! 🙂
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Please mssage me if you want advice. I’m ALWAYS here for you.
It’s better to be alone than to have friends like that. Trust me.
Something I learned that’s very helpful is knowing that whatever they say about you is merely a reflection of how they feel about themselves.
Set boundaries! Tell them you don’t like it because it’s incredibly rude and in return hurts, a lot.
I can give you pretty relevant advice as a 20 year old dude. A lot of people are saying these guys aren’t your friends yada yda. but unfortunately, thats how a lot of kids behave these days at that age
yes, unfortunately its pretty common. From my experiences, in middleschool/highschool, theres a phase where kids start swearing more, and its funny to pick on your friends, sometime even just one person. I’ve seen it in many different friend groups
Within my own friend group, there was a lot of similar things. We made fun of each other, sometimes we ganged up on one person. We definitely crossed the line from friendly teasing. I’m not saying this like i’m proud of it, eventually we matured, talked through it, admitted our wrongs and we’re tighter than ever now.
Point for you is, don’t take it personally, they’re just being dicks like kids are. your choice whether or not to stay or leave. If i’m going to add a suggestion. Single one person out individually next time your alone, and tell him how it affects you. Lots of kids act tough when they’re in a group picking on one individual, but don’t have that same energy when theyre alone. Because truth is they’re not really assholes that like to see others suffer, they just like the approval they get when they make fun of someone and all their friends laugh. next time your alone with someone, tell them to cut it out seriously, that you don’t find it funny. If things still don’t get better, then leave the group. no point in staying.
above all , just dont take it personally. Its a stupid phase.
I’ve seen so many comments here saying “cut them off”, “they’re not your friends”, etc. As much as that’s true (from what you’ve written), I hope people know how that kind of advice is.. not really advice. When you’re not even sure if you’ll end up completely alone if you ever stand up for yourself, you begin asking yourself if you’re just better off letting them continue, which means you’d still have ‘friends’. That was my experience at least.
I’m sorry if I don’t have much advice to give 🙁 I did end up kinda alone (a friend here and there, but no friend group), but by choice! I dipped out of that group by myself and I didn’t regret it at all. Now I know how to choose the friends I have! 🙂
Then kids are mean.
Do they do this to each other too? Is it a group dynamic? Or are you the only target?
First I would say that you should never not say something back because you don’t want to make them sad when they’re making you feel bad. I think you should look at the intention. I’ve always played harshly with my friends but would’ve stopped at a heartbeat if they asked to. Let them know and if they stop, good, if they ignore it then they were never your friends. You’ll find other friends regardless. You’re only 13.
Do they talk to each other the same way or just to you? If they talk to each other like that then I would just do what you can to not let it bug you, I honestly don’t think I would say anything about it hurting your feelings because they probably will just start teasing you about it, don’t take what they say to you to heart they are probably just saying stuff to you because they are jealous of you and I would be careful about going anywhere with them unsupervised and don’t trust them, just be careful this world is crazy. Good luck to you
Sorry bro, but they actually do it to u “for the response ” so dont ever let them get what they want, just walk away and ignore it… they may push harder to “get a response ” but if you keep at it( its fuking hard) they will eventually give up as you no longer feed them anything…
Ok, so I see that people are explaining that that’s how kids are, and it’s common for boys to tease each other, etc. There’s truth to that, but what’s more important is that you don’t like it, and it makes you feel bad. Your feelings are valid; as valid as anyone of any age. So basically, to hell with those kids. It’s possible you’re more grown up and/or emotionally intelligent than them. Anyway, here’s my idea…
I think it would help if you found like-minded teenagers to hang out with. Do you have supportive parents? I think it would be worth trying to think of something you like to do, or even better, what you want to learn, (like guitar, or dancing, drawing, any sport, cooking…anything!) Group classes or team sports are a great way to meet good people. And maybe you could tell your parents what you’re interested in, and they could help you get set up doing something fun and that you like, with teenagers that are cool and not shit heads?
Sorry if this was a stupid comment, but I hope it helps.
Well they don’t sound like good friends. I’d suggest leaving them, they don’t sound like good people to be around. Surrounding yourself with negative people has a huge impact of your self esteem and confidence.
I know you said they’re your only friends, but try to make some more. The school year is probably over, so at 13 there’s not much to do. You might have to wait until next school year to meet others, or you could try going to a community pool or something similar.
Again, they don’t sound like nice guys, so stay away from em. Good luck man
LMFAO
Okay MAYBE they’re your friends in their weird way because YOU have something that they lack & they ENVY/ADMIRE you for it. & the way that they feel good about themselves is by dimming your light with their shots.
But dude thats men being men. We give each other shit but take the feelings & emotions out of it & give it right back. They’re testing/building up your alphaness. Don’t be a bitch.
Don’t be weak, don’t fold & say shit right back to em.
“Yo your so ugly”
“Thats not what ya girl was calling me last night witcho bitch ass.”
– add the “witcho bitch ass” part for some extra razzle dazzle
Honey, I’m gonna be honest with you. Sometimes people see a light in you that they don’t have. Something that makes you different, that makes you special. Something that is lacking in them. Even before you see the light in yourself they see it and are threatened by it.
They don’t like that you have that light in you so they try to dim it, to make you feel less than because then they think that they will make you ordinary.
They aren’t your friends. Try to stay away from them as much as possible. Try to make new friends. It’s OK to walk away from people who try to hurt you or drag you down.
Years from now, you will look back and realize that they were petty insecure little AH who were trying to feel important.
You lost me at “retarded”. That is not funny in any context. Maybe find new friends
Sometimes we’re outside of being alone so much we stay with the wrong crowd. If you feel you’ve had enough you can always ride the wave solo, you’ll find new people along the way. Never stop moving onto the next good thing ain’t nobody lost in life by moving on.
i’m sorry they treat you this way :(( you don’t deserve that and they don’t deserve to have you as a friend. please either talk to them about it or try to find people that will appreciate you more and treat you like a true friend. kids your age can be mean but there’s always someone else out there who’s nice and waiting for a new friend! i hope everything works out for you :))
Try talking to each one separately. It’s harder when they’re in a group with group mentality and peer pressure to do what they think everyone else is doing.
This is literally bullying. They are not your friends. And you don’t need to give a shit about making them sad. Just cut contact
So you don’t want to say bad stuff to your friends to make them feel bad, but you are allowing them to do it to you? If you don’t like what they are telling you, stand up for yourself and say you aren’t okay with that. Sometimes conflicts are a good thing and can’t be avoided.
They are not friends
Been there, at 13 its hard sometimes you’re friends with people just because they’re there. Sounds ass to hear but as you get older people mature and value you for what you can offer in conversation and friendship more than just the fact you exist and are there in the group.
That being said, forget them work on yourself, find better friends where you can through avenues in which you can express yourself bud
As someone who works with a ton of middle schooler, given this information, all I can tell is that they are fucking with you. What I **can’t** tell is whether they are fucking with you in a friend way or they are legitimate assholes that hate you and are using you as a punching bag. There is no way to really tell “they are not your friends” like some people are saying without actually being able to see your interactions. Having that thought in your head going into to confronting them might not be the best because it’s going to make you even more heated.
From my various observations with kids your age, both girls and boys, some of them just do not know boundaries. I’ve had kids make fun of each other using the worst phrases and insults but, in the end, they still like each other. Many kids don’t know when to stop because they are personally okay with their friends calling *them “*retards” and whatever. I’ve had to step in and explain to various kids multiple times that they need to understand that some of their classmates don’t have the same thick skin or sense of humor as them and most of them understand and do stop or at least will quickly stop when I tell them to when it happens again.
So, short of you going to an adult, like a school counselor or a parent to help you guys talk it through, you’re gonna need to tell them your boundaries yourself. If they are truly your friends, they will understand and will stop (well, as much as teenagers can control themselves that is). If they aren’t your friends they will cut you off indefinitely. There’s also another possibility. They will get offended when you tell them they did something wrong to you because, let’s face it, most of us don’t like being told we did anything wrong. In this case, they may cast you aside for a bit but they *should* eventually come back and reach out to you again or you can reach out to them when you think they’ve calmed down a bit. I’ve seen kids cut off ties two or three times a year and eventually still remain friends.
Teens are going through a ton of shit in their brains and bodies. Your hormones are raging. Lots of the boys are trying to come off as tough so hard with random insults and cussing (oh lord, so many of you cuss so fucking muuuuuch). It’s a wild time and it’s going to be a while until some of you find some stability in your personalities.
To emphasize, there is a **real possibility** that you will lose this group of friends. You need to weigh whether or not you are okay with that outcome before deciding to tell them your feelings. You might make them mad temporarily but you might end up making your friends into better friends.
you should tell them to stop insulting you, in the long term it could make you have low confidence and self esteem.. its not healthy to be around, either they stop it or you should try find new friends.
Don’t keep quiet roast them back, that’s how it works between friends.
Find better friends. You might think they are your friends at that age but with time you’ll just grow to resent them. Save yourself a lot of time and grief and go somewhere else.
They’re not your friends sorry hun, you’re the scape goat for their entertainment. Best to leave now before they do something humiliating. You will find better friends :). It may take a bit but its worth it. I was a loner for a couple years after leaving toxic friends and then met my bestie. 25 years later we still talk daily and there is nothing we wouldn’t do for each other ☺️. True friends who have your back are worth the wait. It could even be that people who would be good friends to you are just avoiding them and when you leave them they may approach you