How can I have a long term relationship without sex?

5 comments

1. I’d find out why and if he has secual needs period since that’s VERY worrisome. If he doesn’t want to address it I’m sorry it might be time to cut your losses

2. Communication is key here. If I were you, I would discuss methods that don’t involve sexual intercourse like masturbation and anything else that acts as a compromise

3. Please do your self a favor and talk to him and get counseling with him to as well as yourself. A sexless marriage where one partner wants it and the other doesn’t is a recipe for resentment and a failed marriage.

   Don’t change yourself for anyone. Work together or find someone new.

4. The writings on the wall

5. There are definitely marriages and LTR that work where one partner is asexual or doesn’t want sex with the other. However, they can come with serious issues and work.

   The first question is WHY doesn’t he want sex? Is he asexual? Is it a medical issue? A trauma issue? Is he actually not sexually attracted you, for example is gay? The answer about how to make it work, and how likely you are to succeed, will depend on the reason.

   Some options might include an open relationship, where you have casual sex with other people to meet your physical needs. Maybe he could be physically present with you while you masturbate. Maybe there are ways to play into kink that he would enjoy, such as tying you up and using a vibrator on you.

   You can also decide that a sexual relationship that involves other people just isn’t that important to you. Some people do. I have known people who stuck by a spouse they weren’t attracted to or who wasn’t attracted to them, for example after a gender transition, because they decided their life partner was more important. You can just love your spouse romantically, and masturbate, and that’s that.

   But be warned, if you are not completely honest with each other and with yourselves, you are setting yourself up for disaster and resentment.