I was on a trip and I asked my boyfriend to pick me up. I gave him my flight info and everything. He doesn’t work on Sunday, so he’s free all day. He said he would be there.
I asked him to be at the airport around 6:50PM give or take 20 min. I land and call him. He hasn’t even left yet. So then he tells me to wait at the airport for an hour or so while he does stuff. I can’t leave because he has my house keys.
He then gets mad at me saying my expectations are too high if I was thinking he’d be at the airport when I land. It’s his Sunday too and I’m being selfish asking him to be there on time. But my friends say that’s why they literally have a cell phone lot.
When I pick people up, I’m usually on time and if I’m not, I let them know I’m at least on my way or running late. My BF didn’t say anything. I was waiting outside and then called him to find that out.
Usually when we get into disagreements, he deflects onto me and blames me. I know it’s a trivial situation, but it’s just upsetting. I just want other people’s perspectives on this matter. Thanks guys!!
(We’ve been together for a year and a half)
33 comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
—-
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He sounds lazy and selfish. You can do better OP
There is someone selfish here, but its not you.
If he loved you, he would have been at the airport to get you.
if he loved you, he would have jumped in the car when he got your call.
If he loved you, he wouldnt say “I’ll be there after I finish what i’m doing, stop being selfish”
>Usually when we get into disagreements, he deflects onto me and blames me. I know it’s a trivial situation, but it’s just upsetting. I just want other people’s perspectives on this matter. Thanks guys!!
I am really disturbed by how casually you say this. This isnt trivial. This is a symptom of much larger, much more serious issues. Please stop handwaving, and excusing his behavior.
I don’t think your expectations are too high if you ask somebody to pick you up at the airport and they say yes to actually pick you up at the airport in a reasonable time.
I would argue he’s the selfish one and if it were me I would seriously question whether to continue this relationship.
His behavior shows the lack of respect for you in my opinion. Best of luck.
This is a very basic task as a partner, my God. Get an uber and call it day. I’d get the ride home and not even reach out for the rest of the day.
I once dated someone who wouldn’t even hold my laptop so I could use the restroom at the airport. He told me he didn’t want to hold it because he didn’t bring it. I was so shocked, I never knew people actually acted like that. That was probably a huge red flag about how selfish of a person he was. I held on a few more years after than and he got worse and worse.
It is really rude to expect someone you are picking up from the airport to just sit around for an hour after they land because you just don’t feel like it…
This says deeper issues to me. He is actively being “defiant” here instead of being normal and just picking you up at the time you asked. That’s what picking someone up *is*.
If he was this pissy about it he should have told you before so you could get someone else to pick you up. He is behaving like a complete jerk. If you were my friend, I think I’d hate your boyfriend…
Uhm, why the fuck wouldn’t he be there around the time you arrive? I’d be there at least 30 minutes before a friend or family member is due to arrive, just because of travel. Jess selfish much?
OP he’s an asshole. When someone you love is returning from a journey where they have no other transport home or that other transport is very expensive, you fucking go get them, that’s just what you do. That’s just what people do, that is how you do that. You get them. Especially if he had agreed prior to receive you. He had your flight info, you coordinated with him, there was a plan, and he fucking bailed. You know? He dropped the ball, honey. He hadn’t even left yet by the time he was supposed to be there and then he asked you to wait *longer* while he did god knows whatever bullshit. It wasn’t just waiting for him to complete the drive to the airport, he asked you to wait for other shit, just his own shit. And then he saddles YOU with the blame! In what universe?
This is some clumsy, selfish manipulation of blame and I’m so sorry he does this regularly. But I’m also disappointed in you because it seems as if you might let him get away with that regularly instead of correcting your part of this dynamic. It feels so casual how you mentioned deflection.
Its not your responsibility to fix him, but it is your responsibility to protect your own emotional health. Its your prerogative to be setting boundaries, setting him straight, or setting him free. Don’t willfully sign up for a relationship with someone who makes deflection their MO. You’ll never be emotionally fulfilled. And you’ll always be left at the airport.
Wow he’s definitely an asshole.
If you tell me when you need to be picked up I’ll wait in the satellite parking lot until you arrive and come get you or if I have plans I’ll let you know and try and move them around as best as possible. He’s just being an ass.
He’s being a me, me, me person. He’ll be selfish like this in other situations in your live. He’s not dependable.
Chances could be that he’s a narcissist… if you find any other red flags of him such as:
• calling you bad names
• not listening to you
• having lack of empathy
• having self importance
Then it’s pretty safe to say he could be a narcissist.. what he did was pretty disrespectful and if anything else like this happens it’s important to let him know what you feel about it. Things like these lead to unhealthy relationships in the long run
He’s lazy. There’s nothing wrong with what your asking for. Keep your eyes on this dude.
You are dating this selfish and disrespectful a**hole for year and half longer than it’s healthy for you.
Look up DARVO and see if it sounds familiar
You are only unreasonable continuing to date him.
Your boyfriend is unbelievably selfish. Why should you be expected to wait around for hours? If he couldn’t pick you up on time he should have told you beforehand so you could arrange another ride. It sounds like this is just an insane power trip.
Do you really want to be with someone who won’t come through for something this small? Imagine if you have a big problem that inconvenienced him and needed his support. What would happen if you got really sick or got cancer or someone in your life passed away?
You want to be with someone you can rely on, trust, and cares about your needs. Find the boyfriend that arrives to the airport early because he’s so excited to see you and picks up your favorite food since you’ve been traveling all day. Doesn’t that sound better?
I don’t know what people want from these posts.
You’ve effectively just described a terrible human being and I think you know that.
What do you think you should do?
Hmm…Boyfriend is selfish and unreliable. Take an Uber next time you travel and get your own duplicate set of keys. Oh, and think about whether this guy’s good qualities outweigh the downsides.
When he agrees to pick you up and says he’ll be there, he should be there. What an asshat.
I don’t think that your expectations are too high. When my partner came back from his trip I was 20 minutes earlier than his flight was supposed to land. Getting through customs and getting his bags took over 2 hours. I was so excited to see him that I couldn’t sit at home. I was not even supposed to pick him up as we use public transport to get to the airport. Get someone that is exciting for you arrival! You deserve it.
Your boyfriend sounds like a narcissist. If he agreed to pick you up, then he should be there when you land. Otherwise he should have said no. Then he says you’re the selfish one here?!! Giant red flag, sweetie. Get outta this one as quickly as you can.
He’s a dick and you can do WAY better.
I had to travel between states for 6 weeks WHILE I was going through my divorce. I had no one to pick me up on the home end and my soon to be ex husband picked me up – AND on time – every single weekend even though we couldn’t be together 5 minutes without fighting. If an ex can do it without fussing about it, someone you are currently involved with certainly can do the same!
Wow. Time to be single
Why are you with him?
I would break up over this tbh. Especially when you said so casually at the end that he usually blames and deflects on to you. There should be a basic expectation of respect in a relationship and he is clearly not meeting that bar for you. It’s not like you called him when you landed and only then sprung on him you needed a ride – but even if you had, being a good partner means showing up asap if you’re really needed. He literally agreed to come and get you on time on a day he was completely free and then turned around and blamed you for having the expectation he would pick you up on time??? And then he didn’t even call when he got there ????? The fuck. He should have been there early and with a damn snack or a coffee or something like what the hell, he says he loves you right? What is wrong with this man? Not to mention the fact that he had your keys and knew you couldn’t get home on your own. Did he help you with your bags? Was he happy to see you or did he act like you ruined his day by coming home? He sounds weirdly controlling and even emotionally abusive from reading your other comments. I’ve been there and as a person who always considered themselves fairly confident and level headed it was wild how much I was willing to put up with. You don’t realize it sometimes until you reach a moment like this where the only explanation is that he just sucks as a partner.
I’m so sorry this happened. You must have felt so much anxiety sitting there alone wondering when you’d be able to leave. It is totally valid for you to be hurt by this. It is not normal behavior in a loving and respectful relationship. And it is not trivial either in the slightest. If he is the one who put those thoughts in your mind then he is even shittier than the basic facts of this post make him seem. A year and a half is not that long and even if it was, do you want this to keep happening to you? He sounds vindictive and childish. Please know you deserve so much better.
No fucking way.
When I pick someone up- I arrange to be near the airport around the time their flight is supposed to land. There’s usually a lot where you can wait that is for this very purpose. I track the flight with an app so I know when it’s on the ground.
They call me when they have their bags, and I bust it over to arrivals and drive the loop as many times as it takes to get them off the curb.
Anyone doing less than this isn’t even your friend let alone your partner.
I feel like 99% of the people who post on here know they have a shitty relationship. They know they should leave, they know everyone is going to tell them to leave; but they post anyway so they can vent. Nothing changes, they feel better about themselves for the day and continue the relationship like nothing happened
Respectfully this is absurd. Can’t believe I’d ever say that to my lady.
What’s the point of being together if you can’t even bother to help each other on the little things. He doesn’t respect you.
What happens when you get sick and he doesn’t give a shit about taking care of you? Is this really the partner you want?
I think you can find a reliable partner that will care, respectfully.
It’s not trivial. He was very inconsiderate. Who makes someone wait to pick them up? He’s wrong. But it really doesn’t make a difference if we think this. He will do it to again. The least you should do is never put yourself in a situation where you are dependent on him for a ride or anything else.
So, you’re going to end it now right?
i think that this guy is a great partner that you should propose to right away! he sounds super caring and responsible! especially the part where he waits until Sunday at 7 pm to do weekend errands!!! /sarcasm
#DTMFA
get a new bf honey
Your bf is an idiot. If he can’t plan to be at the airport around the time you arrive, then he doesn’t care about you. You might want to reconsider the relationship.