Just as the title says.
I was in bed when I heard my fiancé yelling with his mom on speaker phone in the living room. Idk what prompted the conversation but I heard “your fiancée is dead weight,” to which he responded, “I don’t want to be like Ashton Kutcher in Valentine’s Day. If that’s how you feel, why didn’t you or anyone else say so?” I didn’t hear anything after that.
I’m not upset his mom feels that way, she’s entitled to her opinion. I am disheartened to find he potentially agrees with her. I do my best to keep our lines of communication open & while he’s expressed concerns regarding me & events that happened in our lives this past year, I was under the impression we were working towards improvement. I also didn’t perceive anything to indicate he felt I was becoming a burden. Could that be my shortcoming as a partner & future wife? Definitely. However, it doesn’t change that what I overheard is news to me.
I’m not quite sure how to approach the conversation. Especially when he has a full plate outside our relationship. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
TL;DR
Fiancé’s mom said I’m dead weight & he didn’t disagree. I thought we had effective communication but apparently not.
8 comments
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Please don’t keep it to yourself, talk to him. How to begin the conversation ? Any moment is good, the sooner, the better. Maybe he was not agreeing with his mom, maybe he didn’t want to argue, you say that he was yelling.
Were you asleep when this happened ? Is it possible that you misheard those bits of conversation ?
Dear, the sooner the better. Go straight with do you think I’m a dead weight ? Watch closely his reaction, because right now, it’s only speculation on your part.
> “I don’t want to be like Ashton Kutcher in Valentine’s Day. If that’s how you feel, why didn’t you or anyone else say so?”
Can’t believe I had to Google that to follow the post.
Bluntly, he didn’t defend you or refute it. It is time to talk to him. If he won’t be straight with you then there is no point continuing the relationship and definitely no future in a marriage.
It’s time to cut your losses, and find a partner who deserves you. He obviously relies on his family to base how he feels about people, it’s truly not worth it to continue on. You’ll always have doubts about what he’s feeling/thinking about you.
>I was in bed when I heard my fiancé yelling with his mom on speaker phone in the living room. Idk what prompted the conversation but I heard “your fiancée is dead weight,” to which he responded, “I don’t want to be like Ashton Kutcher in Valentine’s Day. If that’s how you feel, why didn’t you or anyone else say so?” I didn’t hear anything after that.
It sounds like they were having a fight/argument. If that’s the case her comment about you being dead weight might not have registered to him. His response about Kutcher doesn’t organically flow from her comment.
>I’m not upset his mom feels that way, she’s entitled to her opinion. I am disheartened to find he potentially agrees with her. I do my best to keep our lines of communication open & while he’s expressed concerns regarding me & events that happened in our lives this past year, I was under the impression we were working towards improvement. I also didn’t perceive anything to indicate he felt I was becoming a burden. Could that be my shortcoming as a partner & future wife? Definitely. However, it doesn’t change that what I overheard is news to me.
Is there more to this? Am I missing context? I’m not convinced he does agree with her, even in the slightest.
It’s possible the mother in law has said this stuff in the past and he’s rebuffed her and just didn’t feel like doing it this time because it wasn’t germane to the conversation. There’s a lot of possible explanations.
>I’m not quite sure how to approach the conversation. Especially when he has a full plate outside our relationship. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
Well you do have to talk to him about it. This is bothering you, so bring it up. Not in an angry way, just a ‘*I heard this*’ and then go from there.
I guess it somewhat depends if it’s true or not?
It also doesn’t even sound like he agreed with her?
Well just from his comment alone, you cant really tell if he agrees with her or not, at least I cant.
>I do my best to keep our lines of communication open & while he’s expressed concerns regarding me & events that happened in our lives this past year, I was under the impression we were working towards improvement. I also didn’t perceive anything to indicate he felt I was becoming a burden. Could that be my shortcoming as a partner & future wife? Definitely.
This part does make me think like there is a ton of context missing from this post. We don’t know what happened, we dont know what is wrong with you two. For all we know, you might actually be “dead weight”.
A lot of missing information here – why would he or you think you’re not pulling your weight in the relationship?
And I totally don’t get the Ashton Kutcher reference, since I don’t know the movie.