I posted a few weeks ago, since deleted. Long story short my girlfriend of 4 years left me. We had kids very early, she is 27 and I am 28.
I have struggling to process that it is over. She moved out on June 18 about 10 minutes away from my house and took the kids. She was originally was saying it was space, but now that she has moved out is sure it is over and the “us is done”.
My dilemma now is my rights as a father. She cannot move out and take the kids without me having a say. I have two options after consulting with a lawyer. Either move quickly to enforce my rights as a father or do nothing and let her have full control. This is not the first time she has moved with the kids without my consent. When the twins were 6 months old she moved back to her home province of Quebec. I ended up following and trying to make it work as a family.
1. How do I accept that it is over? I know its over. But I still feel like a punching bag and keep taking hits for our family. But our family is no longer together, she broke it. Do I hold on and give her control of the kids and hope we reconcile?
2. I act quick and lawyer up to not show the judge that I dont care. Its been two weeks since the move and my window to act is short.
TL;DR – Wife told me relationship is over. Do I hold out and hope we can reconcile and not take her to court? Otherwise she is just stomping all over me and not respecting my rights as a father to my twins.
7 comments
DO not hope for reconciliation. Nothing she’s done has shown that’s a possibility.
Do you want to be in the kids’ lives? Then act. No one on the internet can make that decision for you.
I mean get a lawyer but why not talk to her about visitation? You can make an agreement before court
Take her to court and get an arrangement set up legally
Get your legal ducks in a row ASAP, the faster you have a legally recognized co-parenting agreement the better. She very much can take your kids and move anywhere she likes within your country without an agreement in place. Just as you can as well, which I very much recommend you do not do.
She can’t legally keep you from your kids, just like you can’t keep her from your kids. She can make things a whole lot more difficult if she feels threatened by you however.
Act legally to ensure your parental rights. Whether or not things work out for your relationship – seems unlikely at this point, but put the kids first.
No, you dont hold in hope for reconciliation. If reconciliation was possible, you filing for custody would not endangered it. If you feels like filing for custody endangers reconciliation, then you know reconciliation is not gonna happen.
Without being married, you don’t have as many rights as married. When married, the mother or the father has the right to take their children wherever they want to without the others consent. That why my wife was able to take off with my kids to Pennsylvania, many states away. Nothing I could do to stop it unless a court order was already in place to stop it. Not being married, you’re the father yes, but can’t really take off with them the way I could have with mine. Without a court order, she can go anywhere she wants to with those kids, you have absolutely no say at all in it. So best thing to ensure you stay a part of their lives is to get a lawyer, get a court order that she can’t leave the state with them, and get a custody plan in place. Without any of that, you’ve got nothing.