I have a close friend that shares things that others have told him in confidence with me. Is it safe to assume that he probably shares things that I’ve told him in confidence with others?

27 comments

1. Most definitely. If anybody ever spills secrets or talks crap about others, they are definitely doing the same about you to somebody else.

2. yes

3. Yes.

   If the person has no filter and just go sharing with you a lot of private information from others they certainly tell your secrets to others. Yes, plural. OtherS.

   This type of people NEVER shut up. They go around spreading everyone’s secrets to everyone they talk to.

4. Definitely, a general rule of thumb is to not tell anyone anything you don’t want to be shared

5. oh absolutely. you use your quiet/detached personality around them.

6. Yes

7. You said close friend. Does he think of you as his best friend or confidant?? If so, then he sees you as his go to person. That doesn’t necessarily equate to them having loose lips about you. However, if you aren’t THAT close, then I’d make a point to talk to him point blank about it. Tbh, he’s the one you need to talk to if you want to know what he’s thinking.

8. Yes

9. Yes, but have they been specific about who it is or alluded to them anonymously? That’s important to note as well

10. Yes.

11. Those who gossip to you, will gossip about you

12. An important qualification in this is how close is the friend. If you are their closest friend, they are more likely to share things with you that they wouldn’t share with other people. There’s generally agreed to be a “spousal exception” in regard to gossip where its kind of expected that spouses will share all knowledge with each other. If this person operates on a similar level of friendship to a spouse with you, it might be that they consider you the exception in a way that they don’t consider anyone else, thus they consider telling you to be ok doesn’t necessarily mean telling someone else would be ok.

13. For sure. These kinds of friends can be a problem if you tell them things you want kept secret. They can also be useful if you want something shared but don’t want it to come from you.

    Need everyone to know your ex was horrible to you but don’t want to bitterly badmouth them? “Confide” in this friend.

    Need people to know it really annoys you when they do something but don’t want to complain in a group? “Confide” your annoyance in this friend.

    Need people to know you are upset they canceled your plans repeatedly but don’t feel comfortable confronting them? “Confide” in this person.

    You can cut off people like this, or you can give them a special role of spreading information you would be uncomfortable or feel rude sharing widely but want to get out there. Sometimes it’s nice to have one friend like this if you know what you are signed up for.

14. [deleted]

15. It’s most probably the case, but it’s not a 100% rule, depends on who he cares about more. I do not share anything someone explicitly tells me not to mention, that’s just raw and pure disrespect. All the things my best friend told me in confidence are going with me to the grave, I haven’t even told my brother. Things that are explicitly told not to reach her doesn’t do either, though I can’t recall anything important.

    If you told him not to tell something, and yet he still does, then he cares more about gossiping than he cares about you. I’d search for another friend, as this isn’t one.

16. Yup. Don’t tell anyone shit. Ever. If you need to vent, get a cat. Better yet, get a dog. They’ll keep your secrets. Plus they’re awesome.

17. Probably. Test it.

    I did a test at work where I told different people different (and very personal) stuff going on in my life. Ooh boy. It all came back to me from someone else. One person actually asked why I’d stopped sharing with her, so I told her about my social experiment — she looked ill when she realized what I was saying.

18. Yep

19. Yes.

20. Yes

21. You should never assume secrets are safe. As the saying goes, the walls have ears.

22. Yes.

    He is a handy friend if you need news spread fast. “Don’t tell anyone this but….”

23. Um. I tell everything to my boyfriend, unless someone explicitly says that “don’t tell anyone” or “i haven’t told this to anyone” other than that. I literally tell him everything. But I rarely tell his stuff to others because I don’t really talk to anyone else this much.

24. It really depends. I tell a lot of things in confidence to one of my closest friends. I don’t tell anyone else anything about her.

25. Yes. I learnt the hard way.

26. He absolutely will spill the tea on all your business.

27. Yes, without a doubt. Also you could test this by telling him something very weird but untrue about yourself and see the result