What kind of effort should you expect out of someone when meeting them for the first time?

12 comments

1. IMO too much effort is better than no effort at all, I dunno, I know what you mean about “trying too hard” but if you are a total slob and dirty and not trying, you should not expect to get very far in dating, like at least [buy yourself some decent clothes for a date] (https://wearquince.com/homepage)

2. Personally for me, I don’t put any expectations on the date. If red flags pop up, they pop up. Same goes for green flags. I don’t try to check-list the other person because every person is their own.

   For me, being on-time or at least communicating to me if you’d be late is fine. Just as long as you’re not crazy late and on top of that not communicating on your part. I’d also say just personal hygiene. I don’t expect you to wear a tuxedo and all, but at least present yourself well just as you would like me to present myself well. Manners are also a huge thing. Please don’t start burping in my face and swear left and right. Most importantly, PLEASE DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE WHILE WE’RE TOGETHER. Again, not saying that you can’t check it once an awhile, but I guess this is just a more personal thing.

3. I mean there’s the basic
   If they’re rude to staff
   Show up to late
   Don’t ask questions or only ask sexual questions

   But idk other than that tbh. Red flags mostly just pop up or just behavior you don’t like. Tbh it’s not until the 5th date that ppl start to show signs of true colors

4. I think the effort should be mostly in the clothes and getting ready. Guys in addition to that should also expect to pay for stuff and open some doors. Effort should be made from both sides to make conversation and form a connection. Give the other person your full attention. Just little things.

   Personal hygiene.. prepare like you know for a fact there’s going to be a make out session and sex. You might not intend for that stuff to happen on the first date when you leave the house but if things get hot you don’t want to gross the other person out. There’s usually no coming back from that.

   Trying too hard: that means they like you a LOT and have low experience. As a guy, I would find that endearing and it would also make me feel more confident towards her. Green flag. People who act disinterested because they don’t want to come off as desperate are the opposite of this, that would be a slight red flag for me but you may see it as a sign of experience and emotional control which would be a green flag for you.

5. Too*. Try TOO hard. Gawd.

6. For me a middle level of effort is the best, not to much for a first date and not to least amount of effort. Best ones are those who act calm and collected and just genuinely feeling the vibes. Honestly, I think its best to not ask a lot of questions on a first date, although there’s nothing wrong with asking generic question just don’t overdo it. I hope this makes sense.

7. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most effort a person could put in on the first date, 6 is the best.

8. I just went on one with a ton of red flags. First off we are eating and he can’t stop talking about his exes blaming all of them ending on them. Next he cuts me off during the conversation a lot. He says he doesn’t take very good care of himself ( he did for the date tho), and then when he dropped me off at my car he saw an ex- girlfriend that was giving him a lot of anxiety so he left really fast. I was thinking that was weird. Then as I’m driving home he texts me to say he wants to sleep with me. I told him I was driving and I’d reply when I got home. He says can u answer now because I’m just driving around not sure where to go. So I said no. Then he wakes me up the next morning with a text saying he was sorry he was just super horny and he struggled to keep his hands off me during the movie we were watching at the theatre. He tells me that I reminded him of his niece and so he could never date me but he wants to know if we could do a no strings attachment arrangement. I’m like no I’m not interested especially with the comment about his niece. Then he says he needs to have sex or someone is getting hurt. I just said hey look I’m not interested hope u find what ur looking for. That date was full of red flags!! Lol byeeeeeee 😂
   Ps. He did say he was joking about someone getting hurt but I didn’t think that was funny. But he did sort of allude to the fact he might be a sex addict. I tell ya that was my first date in over a year and I’m ready to wait a while before I go on another one. Wtf !
   There were green flags tho too. He opened car doors, tipped well, paid for everything, and despite saying he wanted to touch me in the theater he didn’t. So it wasn’t all bad. Lol

9. My rule of thumb is:

   Effort isn’t usually noticeable, but a lack of effort is.

   Obviously there are nuances, such as being too fancy or trying too hard. But even then, those dates usually stand out less than those who show up unkempt, dirty, etc.

10. One of the only things that pisses me off is if the person puts NO effort into looking/dressing nicely and being hygienic. I went on a date with someone who was wearing a hoodie while I was wearing makeup, a skirt and a nice shirt. 40 minutes into the date, he told me that he was meeting his friends soon and that “I could come with if I wanted to.” Seeing as I have no self-respect, I went with him. That was weird.
    ANYWAY, it may sound shallow, but the way I see it is that if a person is interested, then they’ll put in the effort because they want to look attractive and “impress you” (not sure how else to put it). They’ll also respect your time.

11. Punctuality. And the effort to actually show up in the first place.

12. You should assume nothing from an almost stranger for the first meetup at least assume that they gonna be on time but nothing else. If you already expectations you can be disappointed but if you don’t then it’s a way better approach