My partner (29m) and I (25f) moved in together after less than a year of dating, partially out of convenience and opportunity and partially because I wanted to help them out—they had gone through a traumatic experience that left them financially and mentally unwell and I was able to easily rent a place for us and take care of organizing the move. In the several months since, both of our mental health has suffered due to disagreements about cohabitating (cleanliness and attentiveness, etc.) and other life factors. We’ve become codependent and I want us to live separately to become healthy and independent people on our own before we try living together again. My partner does not want to live apart. Can our relationship survive this?
TL;DR we moved in together too soon and I want to know if our relationship can survive living separately again.
6 comments
Living together is trial by fire. You want more independence and you can have that and still live together. Start with you and get a hobby that takes you out of the house. You can also try couples counselling. Living apart at this point may just delay the inevitable if you’re simply not compatible to live together.
I mean you could separate into separate houses but then spend the weekend together. Living together is not easy it’s like what they tell you at college orientations about dorming with your best friend, you don’t really know them until you live with them
Why do you think living apart would solve your disagreements about living together? If you’re not compatible when it comes to cleanliness and other general issues, you won’t suddenly both change.
If you can’t live together now, you probably won’t be able to live together in 2 years either. If you can never live together the relationship eventually dies as it has nowhere to grow. Which is why moving out usually spells the end of a relationship. If you can’t resolve any issues while you’re living together you probably won’t resolve them while you’re living apart. Those problems will just no longer be the forefront of your mind.
Yes! It can!
Just make sure to communicate about the whole process. Talk about your feelings and what you’re learning. Talk about what it’s like spending time without him and with him. Let it just go it’s natural course and when you are *ready and wanting* to move in together — do it!
From my experience, you gotta both want it outside of any other circumstances (leases ending, roommates moving, a pandemic) for it to work. If there are other very practical reasons for it, it’s not as solid.
Good luck! I’m rootin’ for y’all!
I’ve just been through pretty much the exact same thing. Found a place of my own last week and moved out. It has done wonders for our relationship! I feel like we are dating again. We can’t wait to see one another! Also, he has said he is aware of a few bad habits around keeping a house tidy/clean and is working on himself for when we do decide to move in together. I am missing him and working on myself too.