Please give me your perspective

We are together from 2000, married in 2007, we met when she was 15 and I was 17. She was always getting along better with guys, even if with her ex and I didn’t have a problem with it, not a single sign of jealousy nothing felt wrong. I approached her in the park, talked with her, we saw each other many times but she stated that she had a boyfriend and there will be nothing between us. I respected that, but after 4-5 months she kissed me saying that she is single. At first she told me that I was ugly for her but gave me a chance because saw something in me that she liked, I was different and also her girlfriends told her I am an ok guy. For me her was love at first sight.

In 2005 she finished school and took her first job by traveling in another city for 2 weeks of training. Those 2 weeks were hard for me, I couldn’t eat, sleep, I was smoking heavily, I felt something was wrong but I washed it away telling me maybe that maybe it was just missing her so much. She had a weekend break and came home, I went to sleep beside her and her parents house, I could see something was wrong she fell asleep saying she was super tired, and I spent the next hours watching her sleep I was happy she was back in town. She left again for the next week.

After opening the store and returning home, she began to say sometimes about a colleague that she met there, I ignored my feelings because she always had guy friends. Sometimes talking about him I was feeling low, and for years to come I started saying I am not feeling ok for her to talk with this guy, we had some fights, she said she will cut communication etc.

We got married, and the relationship was ok but sometimes we had fights, she had complaints against me, I thought well maybe this is marriage :). Sometimes at night she gets calls going in the evening saying that the alarm from the store went on and she must be there along the security team to see what is going on because she was responsible for that living nearest to the store. In 2008 when she was pregnant she left for one night to another city saying that guy asked her to help him open another store. In 2016 she told me he met him and his family at the beach going with our kid there because they were on vacation in our city, when I asked why I wasn’t invited she told me well you were at work.

I always brushed away my feelings, ignored the gut signs and in a few days I forgot about it. When I asked over the years she told me she cut contact with him.

Back in late 2021 she broke her phone and was very irritated about the situations it took a lot of convincing to handle it to me to get it repaired and I offered my phone until then. One night I saw a conversation between her and a girl on my phone but referring to that girl as a man. I took the number and checked it and it was the same guy. When I showed her, her face went black instantly. She first told me she hid his name under a female name because I was jealous. She told me they talked twice last to check on each other. I checked the phone bill and she was lying. I also checked her email and saw mails from 2006-2008 when she sent him pics of her saying I am thinking of you, etc, sweet kisses.

After some fights she told me she finished with him and gave me her phone to block him. When I asked if she had sex with him first she told me if it makes you feel better yes we did and after that she denied and she still denied till this day. She told me it was love at first sight for them, but she told me she couldn’t do anything with him (although he wanted to pick her up at a hotel, he asked her if she wanted him to cancel his wedding to be with her) because she had a relationship with me.

She told me he was like a father, he called her when he felt she had a problem and also otherwise. He gave her advice about problems in our relationship. But nothing more.

I know it was an affair at least emotional or a secret relationship.

Do you think people who have this type of relationship never have sex as she is saying, I feel the truth is missing about sex and all she can say is how do I convince you we didn’t have sex. I feel something is not said and it’s affecting my life even sexually. Is my feeling right or is it just a lack of trust or my imagination is playing with me?

He is married and has children and when I confronted him he was very irritated, defensive, and he told me I cannot make her not talk with him. She was also upset I called him and told me I was causing problems in his relationship. As he was protecting him.

So I cannot escape this feeling that the whole truth is not said. Is it possible that these people never had sex?

Thank you.