You know, I’ve been doing this dating business for a few years now, I know that it’s not exactly easy for younger guys – nothing to really show for myself but a personality and odd dress sense, but I like to think I’m somewhat attractive, I’ve had relationships in the past and received positive attention in the past, but I honestly feel a bit struck with what to do right now – I simply don’t feel any attraction for the women who are into me.
Like, I don’t know what it is, nobody who seems to show interest in me on dating apps or anything ever seems to really be my type, I feel guilty about it on occasion, but I don’t want to be into someone just because they like me, that’s a horrid foundation. I could talk similar interests and make small talk all day and night, but there’s just no spark, and I feel quite dejected about that, like I’m in this horrid middle ground.
Anyone else felt this way? I should go out more I guess, but outside of dating apps I’m practically invisible, not as good on my feet without the space to prepare myself.
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I’m a woman and I feel exactly the same way. Except that most of the guys who like me don’t have common interests either, so it’s boring even on a friend level as well as there being no spark. To clarify, the men who pursue me are almost always gamers/sci-fi/fantasy nerds, and I’m not into any of those things.
You guys are getting people who are attracted to you?
I get told how attractive I am often, so I know that’s not the problem. I improved my looks a few years ago for myself, but if I’m being honest the second reason I did it was because I thought guys would finally like me. I managed to become better looking but it really didn’t help me with the guys, they still don’t approach me. I downloaded hinge a few days ago and have only gotten one match, and he wasn’t my type. I seem to have the problem, besides from the random exception, men I’m attracted to aren’t attracted to me and my looks aren’t the problem. I’ve been told the same thing, to put myself out there more and I thought that’s what I was doing by trying out online dating again but so far that seems to be a bust.
Didn’t read your post but this is what makes connection(physical) and when doubly lucky(emotional) so magical. People will say to give up, look at the people that find you attractive but that’s bullshit imo. You have what you find attractive and that’s just how it is. I am super picky on Tinder, most of the girls will never give me a second look but it is what it is. My ex, I consider her more beautiful than any of those girls. I didn’t settle or just force some attraction. It can’t be done. Level up, fix up and look sharp. This game takes no prisoners.
Just my 2c:
You’re attractive IMO (peeped your profile) and I’m pretty picky. But if you’re using similar type photos for dating apps, you should change them.
There’s a lot of competition on apps and the gender ratio isn’t in your favor. You need more professional photos, and/or photos showcasing things you like doing… show yourself at a concert, doing hobbies, etc.
your a guy so pepole will tell you your a bad persion but if you where a woman they would tell you its becase men are crap and you should never give up
You have avoidant attachment issues, see a therapist!!! If you are genuinely only attracted to people who aren’t interested in you, I have to wonder how much you REALLY want a relationship.
If it’s physical then you can’t help that just hit on women you find sexually speaking and ignore advances from the ones you don’t.
If it’s mental then I think you’re attracted to people who are not attracted to you and disused by those who are. Trauma even something in the past you might not remember might be the cause. Most common is neglect so your subconscious mind might try to go after people who you think you might need to “earn the attraction” from and that’s what puts you off from those who show it right away.
Try self help articles on how to I think those thoughts and get down to the root of insecurity.
Quit porn, hit the gym. Read. Watch your life change
Suffering from success.
I wasn’t attracted to all the nerds who fell for me until I found the right nerd.
Maybe the right one hasn’t popped up?
What kind of women are into you? And what are you looking for?
Just date the people you really like both phisically and personally, don’t let anyone tell you that you should lower your standards. They have to be realistic, yes, but you don’t have to settle for something or someone you don’t actually like.
I’m a girl and have been feeling the same way. I hate it bc I feel like a jerk but I also don’t want to waste any one’s time. I don’t swipe right on many people. I have such a specific type (nerdy, Spanish, brown hair brown eyes, thicc lol) and it’s so hard to find that 😂 I’m not as picky when meeting people in person because if the chemistry is there, looks aren’t important. Online dating is hard because I can’t feel out the chemistry so I’m really just swiping based on attraction and what I can get out of your profile
Oooooff I feel you on this. You are not alone.
I am very plain jane looking. “Horse girl” vibes, very “European looking” whatever that means. I am tiny, but have a nice figure. Brunette. Mousy-looking I guess…??
For some reason I attract a lot of “nerdy” type guys. But not like the “cool nerdy” like the stereotypical model-looking actors playing nerds on tv shows or films. No. But like, extremely eccentric, slightly unstable or mentally-off nerdy guys with very specific interests and borderline misogynistic viewpoints. Either this, or guys who are rednecks (probably because the other half of my family is from the east coast rural area) who only enjoy fishing, hunting, post photos of themselves with freshly killed deers, and want to take me on a ride in their truck and drink beer…
Nothing inherently wrong with either “type” of guy, but 100% not my type. I’ve met people in these “types” who I actually found physically attractive, but our values or interests or lifestyles did not align at all. Similarly, I’ve found people I click with extremely on values and things, but feel nothing for them romantically.
Its difficult finding that balance of both… You might spend your whole life looking for it, some people do and some people just get lucky early in life… I don’t have any advice really, just came to say you aren’t the only person out there struggling to find a proper balance in both departments and sometimes it just takes time, which unfortunately is not something we can control. Just keep your eyes open, and maybe you will find someone.
This happens to me on the apps, I usually get curved by the women I find attractive, and I get likes from the women who I don’t find attractive at all, and who usually want completely different things, to the point it’s as if they didn’t even read my profile.
If you are still dating online maybe put something in your bio about wanting to match up with someone with high aspirations and who is very individualistic etc.etc.
Have you ever met any ladies who fit the bill but aren’t interested in you at all? What seemed to turn them off about you?
I hope my comment does not get lost in the thread because I want you to know I 100% relate. Your post perfectly encapsulates my dating experience as a 23-year-old dude.
I read horror stories from guys on a lot of these subreddits about how they never get any matches on apps or that they’ve never had women show interests in them. Im very grateful that my experience has not been the same in that regard but dating is still such a bummer for the very reasons you just described.
I have a few women who have expressed interest and want to get to know me, and I tried to go on at least one date with each one just to give it a chance and see if there’s anything there… but I just can’t feel a spark. There was recently one girl I was talking to that I really wanted to try and make things work with. She was no knockout but she was cute. She was also sweet and had a nice career as a science teacher. I went on 3 dates with her hoping maybe some feelings would develop but I just couldn’t change my mind. I let her know and let her down easy because I don’t believe in ghosting.
It definitely sucks and creates this kind of confusion. I have several women show interest but whenever I actually do like a girl and want to get to know her more… she will not even give me the time of day. It makes me ask myself if my standards are too high. I don’t *think* they are. I’m not holding out for a 10/10 European supermodel with a perfect body that makes six figures and will cater to my every single emotional need no matter how trivial. Just a pretty girl that is sweet, has a good job, and I feel comfortable being vulnerable around. I’m not asking for anything I cannot reciprocate. I don’t want to be single for the rest of my life but I also don’t want to settle for someone I’m not really into just because I don’t want to die alone.
I actually had a discussion with my mother when she asked why don’t I just date one of the girls who has expressed interest. Because I’m not attracted to them. Because I don’t want to enter a relationship with someone wishing I was with someone else. Why does everyone else get to be with someone they adore and I have to settle for someone I just tolerate?
Feels like I’m in the dating equivalent of purgatory. Attractive enough to have women show interest but not attractive enough to appeal to the women you actually want.
You just have to work on it. Start a rotation and build your way up gradually.
I have no idea what you look like or what your deal is. But I guarantee you can do vastly better than what is initially available the first time you cast your line out. The more attractive women will come along if you keep playing the dating game, they’re just less common.
What is your type and what is the type of people who are attracted to you? And what type are you
Yup In real life have no issues chatting up a cutie or hottie even got dates with models like legit models
Online dating the only matches I get is single mothers whose best years have left them
no women find me attractive unless of course they are not available
Good that you’re honest. Most perpetually single people have this issue, they just don’t want to admit that basically they are not attracted to the people who are within their league. The first step is awareness. The second step is to work on yourself so you’re in a higher league.. Become some combo of more successful and more attractive.
I’ve dated a few but I have never felt a spark. Outside of dating (IRL) I have felt a spark a lot of times and felt real attraction many timesI have come to the conclusion that if I’m going to meet someone it’s in real life (work, hobbies etc) and not internet dating.
Reading alot of these posts and i love how people like to assume who you are.
Ive had convos before with people and they all say the same “show your hobbies, quit porn, hit the gym” without even knowing that ive done all that plus more.
The gym is not the be all and end all solution. Personally i find it expensive and clustered. I do natural workouts, ruck marching, running, push ups and sit ups as well as plank. Im more “fit” than any muscle jocky and am athletic rather than yolked.
So im not gonna assume who you are or what you do. People talk ab all these specific photos you need to use and that they have to be “professional” its all high class high maintenence crap too me. I use my own photos and a few my friends have taken and I get a good amount of matches. I use pictures that will attract the kind of girl I want to go out with not the ones that’ll get me a bunch of common rabble.
I dont need words of affirmation on these apps, just genuine girls without that unchecked ego that so many get from the pure ratio of thirsty guys on these apps.
My 2-cents is go with the flow, people spend so much time stressing over their photos and all these silly filters thrown on that theyre ultimatly shallow when it comes to the real thing. They look different because without the filters and clever camera angles they cant change how you see them in reality.
Be yourself, show yourself and state what you want, someone out there is looking for the same, treat it like an advertisment of who you are and what you want. Fuck all the red flag/creep nonsense its all overhyper people overanalysing the littlest things anyways. You know your not a creep, and you know what youre worth. Some rando wants to spas about you whatever, their loss. Its not a red flag to be responsive, or to joke around, or to ask how their days been, anyone who sees that as a red flag is not a very socially adept person in my mind, thats all common small talk and normal human interaction.
Thats my advice as someone whos kinda figured out what works for me.
You Gotta level up yourself,
The old phrase, I wouldn’t wanna be a part of any club that would have me as a member – rings to mind right now.
Work on yourself king
I do feel this way, usually the one I really like are not into me that much while others I don’t like are.
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it’s bad luck and high expectations but at the same time make sure you don’t have them way too high yourself.
Some men do.
I can relate to that. Somehow, It’s somewhat a turnoff when a girl is too into you. But if she’s not into me at all then that’s also a turnoff. What do?
Dating apps mostly based on looks, so above advice about working out is helpful no matter what your age. Even girls have to work out and stay healthy and sexy at any point of their life, single, gf or married. Most girls that take care of themselves or are attractive want guys that equally take care of themselves as well. So unfortunately we can’t be lazy if we want our dating market value to be high on dating apps or real life. Meeting people old fashion way you still have competition from dating apps because chances are those girls also on dating apps, so doesn’t really remove the high market value guys from her list of options. Be what you want to attract. If it is young and hot, be doing youthful activities and work out.
Don’t give up just keep looking and you’ll find someone where the feelings are mutual. I couldn’t ever imagine dating someone I wasn’t attracted to, surely it would never end well.