The person I’m dating has had a very active sexual past including an 8 year relationship and few shorter ones. Given his lifestyle, he used to go to a lot of parties, have threesomes, sleep with multiple people he found attractive. He is ofcourse a lot more experienced than I am and I am quite ordinary looking, with an okayish body or whatever, basically not hot model material. And somehow I feel like my lack of experience with various positions, flexibility, unawareness about techniques looks stupid. He wants something hot and kinky and i give him vanilla stuff. I need to stop being insecure about his past but we tend to talk causally about them as stories that later haunt me…and what’s a good place to start exploring being better at sex as a woman
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When I first started dating I had issues with other people’s sexual pasts. The number one thing to fix it was self confidence. I started respecting myself a lot more and being okay with who I am.
There’s another component tho and it’s jealousy in not being able to have the experiences your partner did with others. Over time my sexual past has gotten pretty large and I’ve just lost count of how many people I’ve been with. But that level of experience let’s me be comfortable with the sexual pasts of my future partners.
Look into BDSM! You’ll learn a lot in there
If he wants a Dom/Sub role, that’s your place to learn
So is it not his past that bothers you as much as your “inability” to match it? Because I think worrying all that much about someone’s sexual past is kind of silly. We all have a past of some sort. So long as there is no diseases or anything to worry about it should just stay in the past. If it bothers you that much then try not to talk about it anymore.
But if it’s just being able to keep up then you’d probably have to put in the work to learn a few things from different places and put it to work. If it’s something you can practice on your own time then do that but otherwise practice with him. Might have to fake it a bit until you get there but it could be fun.
But also, make sure that’s something he actually wants. Are you sure he doesn’t enjoy being with you because you’re *not* like those older relationships? Is he calming down a bit and isn’t interested in the threesomes or other wild things he’s done in the past? Either way, don’t do too much just to please him if it makes you really uncomfortable. If it’s not something you’re into then don’t force yourself to do it just to live up to his past.
I’m kinda that guy. Way more adventurous than my wife.
Though I don’t regret my former wild ways and fondly remember lots of experiences, I don’t wish I wasn’t in a committed relationship, ever. That would be like eating dinner and wishing you were snacking.
Those experiences were not love. They didn’t fulfill my needs. They just felt good. Kinda like a chocolate bar.
But now that I have what I need, I don’t wish to go back to living on junk food and whatever was fast to make.
Even sleeping with 2 women at once is JUST A SNACK to your heart and doesn’t actually offer comfort or emotional satisfaction. It’s just fun and erotic and nothing else.
But human beings tend to need more than just that.
A committed relationship is more like living in a bakery. All the sweets are there and you won’t want a Snickers when everything there is made just for you by someone who wants you to be happy.
As far as how to learn to be more sexual, don’t just reach for some porn. Sex is an individualistic endeavor and while you can browse there for a starting point or eye opening, remember that mimicry of what you see there is NOT erotic unless it comes from genuine places in YOUR erotic thoughts.
The most important component to being as sexy as you can be is to figure out what YOU think is hot, and do that stuff your way, and to avoid feelings of shame or insecurity because those lead to tentative, awkward touching, unpleasant feelings, etc.
Have a conversation and tell him how you’re feeling. Ask for tips to be better and improve your sex life— whether or not it sucks. Practice makes perfect. Communication is key. And please don’t compare yourself.
Before I met my wife my previous history was extensive. I’ll tell you when I told her. You do NOT have to be okay with it. You are NOT going to be competing with his past experiences, I just don’t think men are wired like that. Women probably arnt either.
You do NOT need to just accept it and you are NOT immature or insecure for being uncomfortable.
However you do need to look at the man and ask yourself “do I want him?” and “can I accept him for who he is and was?”. If the answer is yes to both you will slowly come to terms with it and it won’t bother you eventually.
For another anecdote. When my hoe ass brother met my sister in law and she found out HIS sexual history she actually gagged. Like threw up in her mouth gagged he was that much of a hoe.
Don’t let your insecurities ruin something good. He has a serious long-term relationship under his belt, so that is a green flag. I wouldn’t just trust that he wants that from you, but pay attention to his actions, not his words.
Why is he boasting in such detail about his past? That’s really immature.
Put stuff in his butt, show him a whole new world. Really get in there, study it like it’s your job. Unless he’s already into that, then I dunno man.
Kind of fucked up that’s he’s boasting about his sexual pasts must have quite the ego. I mean we are all different don’t let it get you down we are who we are at the end of the day just own it own who you are and don’t let pasts shit on your confidence because there’s nothing we can do to change it. If he makes you feel insecure then go for someone who makes u feel secure. Anyways I wish you luck and all the best👍
If this was my partner I wouldn’t want to discuss their sexual past because its none of my business. However, when someone brags about sleeping with a bunch of people (I’m talking 50+)… the initial impression to me is that they were never satisfied with any of them so they had to keep going. Idk everyone is different, to me its a bit off putting at first but if they’re willing to work with me then thats great!
Yeah…. they tend to be fun, good in bed. Enjoy it. Be open minded and it’s fine to let him lead. This is how you get experience – by having sex with experienced people
How to start at getting better at sex as a woman? Masturbate, you need to just let go on that aspect , connect more with what you think is hot and kinky for you, and the best way to do so is exploring your body and masturbation. When you know what you like and how you like it, then communicating it with your partner it’s going to be easy
Not saying this is you, but I never really understood why people ask potential partners about their dating history for this reason, I’d rather we both just go in blind
Having had a lot of sex doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s good in bed, or that a lot of the sex he had was good.
Honestly, I had my promiscuous phase, and if it taught me anything it’s that one night stands are rarely good. They’re just the sex equivalent of junk food.
It takes time with a new partner to learn their particular likes and dislikes, and how you work well together in bed. Chances are most of his “flings” were not as great as he might make them sound.
Which brings me to my bigger point – he may be sexually experienced, but he seems to be emotionally immature.
He shouldn’t be discussing his sexual past with you in that much detail.
It is breaching the privacy of his previous partners, for one thing. But for another, people who behave like this are usually trying to make you jealous because they’re insecure themselves and feel like they need you to see them as “desirable” by telling you that other women wanted them or making you feel like they had options besides you.
Of course it’s fine for him to tell you his turn ons and turn offs, but he doesn’t need to go into real life examples.
You need to tell him that you don’t want to hear about his past sexual relationships because you hope he wouldn’t speak about yours with other women in the future, and his past partners deserve the same respect. Make it clear that you don’t care what he has or hasn’t done before, you’re starting a new relationship with him and you’re looking forward to discovering your dynamic with him.
Does history repeat itself?
Will there also be many lovers in the future? If it’s not about a LTR you are looking for, it’s ok.
If you are looking for a LTR his history says that is not likely