I (31F) have been seeing this man (42M) since February. Because of schedules and the fact that he has a 3 y.o kid we’ve only been able to see each other about 1-3 times a month. We currently live 4h from each other but in a few months I will move to his city (it’s my old hometown).
We are exclusive, he seems to adore me but it bugs me that he hasn’t yet started to call me his gf and I have no idea whether his folks know anything about me.
He told me he is serious about us but the whole dating while having a kid is kind of new and scary to him which is why he doesn’t want to rush into a relationship. He makes time to see me and and puts an effort in texting me throughout the week but despite this I feel like he is sort of keeping me at an arms length.
It is really starting to bug me that the relationship no isn’t going anywhere yet and I don’t suppose it’s unreasonable to expect him to introduce me to his folks by now? (I cannot do the same as my family lives in a different country).
I’m trying to be patient with him but not sure how much time I should give him or how to bring this up without pressuring him. Can the distance just make the natural progression of the relationship slower?
Any advice would be appreciated!
Tl;dr guy I’m dating isn’t calling me his gf yet after 6 months and I haven’t met any of his folks. How do I bring this up without pressuring him?
3 comments
Since you’ll be moving to his city soon, you could say something like “I’m looking forward to moving to your city and I’m hoping that once I’m there, we’ll be able to spend more time together and I can meet your family?”
This isn’t the same with everyone, maybe it’s just a “me” thing, but in my experience, LDRs tend to move on a slower scale of things because you aren’t able to see each other as often and it takes you longer to really learn about the other person for that reason.
And even if you lived right next door to each other, he might think it’s too soon for you to meet the parents. You say you’ve seen each other 1-3 times a month for 6 months, so you’ve met up an average of 12 times. I do not take guys that I’ve only met up with 12 times to meet my parents. My parents would have had an endless parade of random guys that I didn’t end up marrying if I took them every guy I’ve spent 12 dates with. It’s way too soon IMO, but like I said, earlier, everyone is different. It’s possible he thinks it’s way too soon. You won’t know what his stance is unless you ask.
As far as him not calling you his “girlfriend” yet, ASK HIM ABOUT IT. Humans aren’t mind readers. If he’s calling you his “partner” or any other word that means you’re “together” I think you’re fine. Especially if you say you’re exclusive. That’s what “exclusive” is. It means you’re “together” whether he uses the girlfriend word or not. Maybe he thinks he’s too old to use the word “girlfriend”. You won’t know until you ask him.
Does his child live with him most or all of the time? Where is the child’s mother, and what is his relationship with her?
Have you met *any* of his family or friends or coworkers?
Six months is a little early to introduce you to his child, especially when he’s not yet comfortable calling you his girlfriend. He’s putting his child first, which is a good sign.
Have you visited him in his town for more than a day at a time?