Dear wife,
I love you so very much. But I am frustrated. It’s 11:30 here. We put the baby down at 8:30 and you were asleep on the couch by 9 pm. In that time I collected, washed, dried, and put away dishes, transferred, dried, and folded a load of laundry, installed the framing for the new pass through bar counter for the kitchen remodel (which you have not helped with), picked up the mess and tools I made as well as swept the kitchen for the second time today, and picked up the living room of all of the baby’s toys.
I get it. You are tired, the baby takes a lot out of you, and you need more sleep than I do to function. But dammit if this doesn’t feel one sided right now.
I love you hon. Sorry I don’t feel like I can bring these frustrations up because you are always so tired. But I feel lonely and like I have to do the majority of the chores. I know you try your best and you do good work. I will try better to be more patient and recognize your contribution as well as ask when I need help.
I love you.
26 comments
Now list what she did today.
Dear Husband,
I appreciate all you’re doing, and if it bothers you or you don’t have time, leave it and I’ll get to it eventually. Right now, keeping a baby fed, clean, happy and healthy isn’t leaving room for me to do those things – I’m lucky to get a shower.
I’m lucky to have you picking up the slack for our family – this is unchartered territory and we need to work together to find a rhythm. Please don’t make me feel bad that I don’t have it all figured out – maybe give me a few hours (or a whole night) off.
You’re the best – even if I’m not great at showing it now.
Wife
Marriage is better when you don’t keep track of everything each person does. All you can do is encourage her to keep going.
Now, think what you would be doing if she wasn’t there. All of that, plus solo childcare. This is part of being an adult, being a parent, having young kids.
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🙄 lol k
Thank her for being an attentive Mother who is prioritizing the baby over housework. No one wins when you’re keeping score – in a marriage. As a new mom myself, you really must not be seeing all the things she is dealing with. Give her some grace. This is a time when you will be having to do more, to allow her to focus on herself and the baby. Love her and be patient. There will always be more toys and mess and dishes.
You want her to remodel the kitchen with you?
This is hard to read. Tell me what happens during the day when you’re not there.
I just want to point out that she probably did all this today as well. I’m a SAHM and if I listed everything I did, it would put your list to shame.
Not only did I keep two kids alive and happy all days but I also
-did dishes
-washed our bedding
-washed and folded kids clothing
-made muffins for husbands breakfast
-cleaned up the kids toys 5x
-vacuumed
-swiffered
-cooked dinner
-did dishes again
-got everyone bathed
-walked up to get milk with the kids
-spent an hour getting baby to sleep
I’m sure her list would look very similar. And I went immediately to bed at 8:30 once both kids were down. Does my husband complain? Absolutely not. Because he acknowledges how fucking tiring it is being a mom. Get your shot together OP. Do better.
I get that lonely feeling. Your wife probably feels
lonely too. Just keep swimming. Try to hug when you can. Seriously. Be kind to your wife and to yourself.
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All the wives in the comments putting you to shame bro no one keeps count like this 😭
A baby alone is a full time job.
That baby will not stay asleep for the rest of the night, and neither will your wife. Let her rest while she can
Bro, suck it up. She just had your baby and is taking care of it. Quit whining and do your part.
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Wives can feel lonely too without having time or energy to pay any attention to that feeling. Be more sympathetic and stop keeping score.
I really hoped this post was going to go somewhere else with this. But nope.
Marriage is not a balance sheet. Keeping score is a douche move, Fam.
You remind me of my ex husband. You should change before you become one too
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I think some wives/ husbands forget how exhausting and physically draining it is to be a baby or child’s main caregiver.
Stop keeping track of what you did today VS what she did today; that’s unhealthy, and it’ll eventually turn into resentment.
Wow, you seem really out of touch. I wonder if you’ve had to watch your own kid day after day and through the nights. It sure seems like you have no idea how exhausting it is. I feel bad for your wife.
Bro sometimes you have to pickup the other persons “slack” that’s why it’s called a partnership, no one can give 100 all the gottdamn time. If this is just to vent, I feel you, raising a child is hard. But you need to re evaluate what your wife is doing, how her body has changed, how her mental health is, she is probably struggling just as much as you right now. Show her some grace and handle your business.
You really think you did something here huh
I do all of those chores before I even eat breakfast every morning lol. Besides the extra framing, you just tidied up, put away some dishes, and did some laundry.