We’re both in our Mid 20s and have been dating for 2+ years. We have had (and still having) our ups and downs but we are working on resolving our problems.
We both grew up in very toxic households and tough upbringing, thankfully, we were able to overcome a number of problems but as a result, I have severe anxiety and he’s suffered with substance (not anymore) and pornography addiction (still).
I have tried therapy and I could tell that it started helping me but I had to stop for now because therapy is expensive and the appointments do not match my schedule.
At this point, I don’t think my partner understands my anxiety properly and I don’t think I’m able to comprehend his addiction to pornography. His addiction is impacting his daily activities more than he is aware of and parallelly our relationship as well. I’ve suggested therapy and couple counselling previously but he thinks we/he doesn’t necessarily need it, claiming that it’s not as bad as it used to be which is true but I disagree with him on not seeking therapy, he is financially stable and is able to see a good therapist.
A lot of events of sexual frustration events and big fights have reoccurred due to this (which is a dealbreaker for both of us), and I worry this won’t subside. What do I do?
2 comments
If his addiction is affecting your relationship that much, then you need to convince him to get therapy.
If he wont do it for himself, them convince him to do it for you.
If he won’t do that, then you need to leave.
it seems pretty clear to both of you that what’s happening isn’t going to work longterm. the arguments and other consequences of his addiction (such as its effect on you) aren’t enough to convince him that he needs to change and/or get help. this isn’t healthy for either of you; the length or intensity of the relationship is not worth the extreme stress that you’re being put through in the present.
i think you should give him an ultimatum, for example: “i’m not going to continue allowing your porn addiction to sabotage our relationship. you can get help, or we can separate.” this very clearly indicates the severity of the situation and puts him in a position where he needs to make a decision. it’s not healthy to be in these circumstances, and it’s even less healthy to drag it out waiting for him to change.