I’ve made it obvious, right?

35 comments

1. The ball is in his court. I would let him take on the conversation and you two meeting up in person from here.

2. Honestly I feel like if a guy is interested enough, he would reach out…. Am I wrong?

3. Is your goal dating successfully or is it playing games?

   Dropping hints and testing him is playing games. Communicating effectively is what you should be doing if your goal is developing a meaningful relationship.

4. And what harm comes from asking him out for coffee? It doesn’t need to be a game with balls in courts.

5. Wait for him

6. I would ask if he wants to meet up. That will be the easiest way to determine interest.

7. You’ve definitely made it obvious.

8. Not obvious enough. Reach out and take the shot.

9. Just ask him out.

10. Meanwhile that guy is like “the ball is in her court if she still has a crush on me after our convo she will hit me up the next day.” Games are lame. You want something, just be direct and ask him out.

11. While usually I’m all for reaching out and making moves as a woman, your situation is different. I would let him reach out. You already said you had a crush on him without really interacting with him – did he even recognize you?!

    Having someone recognize me that I don’t have any recollection of seeing, having them tell me they have a crush on me, and then having them initiate contact (even me being a woman and men typically initiating) would be a lot for me. It would seem desperate, obsessive, and odd to me. I’d just sit back on this one, he knows where you’re at and you already came on really strongly from the sounds of it.

12. You’ve 100% made it obvious that you’re into him, don’t worry about that. I don’t think you need to worry about coming across a desperate if you ask him out, as long as you ask casually and don’t say something along the lines of “I really like you please go out with me”.

    I DO think you need to worry about getting rejected. If he hasn’t made his own move after what you’ve said and how you’ve behaved, I’d say the chances of his being interested are low. Not zero, but low. If you were a guy asking this question about a girl, the responses you’d be getting would be a chorus of “He’s not interested”.

13. “Yo, let’s go on a date.”

14. I’m just going to play devils advocate here – a guy “liked” me and said that he remembered me from a year or two prior when he saw me out and he described my outfit to a T (which, is an outfit I own and is unique, so I know it was me who he had seen). I wasn’t interested in him in the slightest and didn’t feel the need to spell that out for him, but I was cordial in telling him that it had been me and I appreciated him reaching out.

    My advice: He knows how you feel and he has your social. Ball’s in his court.

15. Two quick things..

    I do agree that if you’ve told him explicitly you had/have a crush on him, that’s a pretty clear indicator of interest and it would be on him to make the next move if he is interested. So I would say you spoke up and can see what he does with this information. Bravo to you.

    Not hating on your personally, but it will always amuse me how even in 2022 grown adult women are so reticent to directly ask a guy out. It’s also the reason why I never like to hear women lecture about male rejection other than the sometimes extreme negative reactions that come. I

    t’s really a shoe on the other foot situation.

16. Women really need to stop getting in their own head about “coming on too strong” because chances are, you aren’t. I don’t think a lot of women realize/understand that most men are tired of, and get tired of always having to initiate dates, texts, etc… It’s incredibly nice and refreshing when a woman initiates those things from time to time. If anything, it makes you more attractive IMO

    Also, a conversation shouldn’t be a *i texted this time, so now its his turn.* Sure, don’t bombard him with tons of messages but there is literally nothing wrong with double texcting lol

17. Ask him out or start the conversation again and see what happens. No point playing games.

18. Would you rather wait around for him to make a move and stress yourself out or ask him for coffee?

    * If he says yes, you hang out and see if the vibe is real in person. If his communication is inconsistent after that, set boundaries or let him go.
    * If he’s unresponsive, unmatch and stop wasting your time

    I get that we all want matched effort, but you’ve only had one conversation so it’s hard to gauge his communication style.

    I typically initiated all of the conversations with the last guy I dated.

    One day I said something like “if I didn’t text you we probably wouldn’t talk as much” from then on he started to text me more.

    We talked about it person during a cute beach date he planned, turns out he just wasn’t a big fan of texting and remembered a comment I made about how I don’t enjoy talking on the phone (his preference) so he didn’t call me instead.

    We ended up dating about five months and spent a lot of time together. It eventually ended because he moved and the long-distance thing wasn’t something either of us wanted.

    I’d say just shoot your shot so you’re not left in limbo or the land of what-ifs.

19. No disagreement with the confusing aspect of it all. There’s too many variables involved to make any universal guidelines.

20. If you want to see if you have a chance with this man you need to go all the way, not half ass it by throwing out a feeler and hoping he picks up the heavy lifting so you can spare your ego if he isn’t interested.
    When women have done this type of approach to me in the past it came off as a desperation shot than true intrigue. Like “I don’t have any other interests right now and I want some attention so let me throw out some crumbs and see which man is thirsty enough too chase”.

21. There’s any number of reasons why he didn’t respond, and as someone with ADHD I have a bad habit of replying in my head and forgetting to *actually* reply, so it’s entirely possible that he did that and maybe thinks he’s waiting on you to reply back lol. I’d just send a message along the lines of “Hey! How’s your week going? I was thinking about going to [do activity of choice] on [day]. Wanna join?”

22. Just one day passed. Chill

23. The fact you told him STRAIGHT OUT you had a crush on him and this is his reaction….silence is a decision too, you know. He’s not that interested. Move along and find someone who is DEFINITELY receptive to your “crush”.

24. If a girl told me she had a crush on me I would reach out if I liked her. Same evening.

25. I get in my head too much if I just wait for him to make the next move. There is no harm in just saying, ‘hey I enjoyed our conversation, would you want to grab coffee or a drink and chat some more?’

    You either go or can stop wasting time thinking about him.

26. If the genders were reversed everyone in the comments would be telling the OP that he’d already shown enough interest and to wait and see if the woman reaches out. I am unsure why these comments here are so different, but as a man I think that reaching out again would probably make the OP here seem overly invested. I am sorry to say this but even if I was only remotely attracted or intrigued, a woman from OLD telling me she has a crush on me would get my time and attention for sure. He’s either really busy or not interested but either way you should let him reach out .

27. I would say don’t get too hung up on if you don’t message each other every day. It can be hard maintaining a good level of conversation with someone you haven’t met in person. That’s awesome that you’re making plans for a date!!

28. Remember, guys are idiots. Never get compliments
    Never get hit on. Had a crush on him oh ha ha, we are all adults surely she couldn’t really mean….could she? Wait I’ve been there before and gotten shot down 10,000 times. The hope is gone.

    “Hey, dick boy, fuck-fuck? ” yes you practically have to be that blunt and you lead until he gets comfortable, then be receptive until a balance is achieved. And he’ll probably live you forever,so, there’s that. 🙂

29. So wholesome, Glad to see this turn into a date! I wish you the best 🙂

30. Good grief the people on this website are constantly at odds with each other it seems. It’s a constant conflict between the bitter men vs the bitter women. It’s ridik!

    With that being said I would say, if you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything for the moment. Give it a few days and see how you feel. Contrary to what everyone else is telling you to do, I say listen to your intuition. Personally, I do feel that your concerns are valid, you’re not trying to play a game here, you just don’t want to put yourself in a vulnerable position which is understandable. IMO you did put yourself out there already. Whether or not you should do that again is up to you, but prepare yourself for how you will respond in the event it doesn’t go well.

31. I think you were a little irked he didn’t initiate hanging out?

32. There’s a lot of dating coaches and colloquial wisdom that says a guy shouldn’t call a girl until two or three days afterwards, it helps maintain her interest, and it makes it so he doesn’t look too needy. Right or wrong, he may be following that advice. Give him a couple of days and see what happens. If he’s interested, he will contact you, men will move mountains if need be to get the girl 🙂 This advice was brought to you by a man

33. Asking for IG/Snapchat instead of phone number gotta be a red flag unless you’re just looking for hookups

34. Sounds like its moving forward now, but for anyone else in a similar situation, there is no harm in being forward to get that first date scheduled. Letting something disappear into the what if because nobody tried to take the next step is always a mistake.

35. As others have said, if you want to win this game, do nothing and see what he does.

    But if you want to date this guy, ask him on a date.