We have been officially dating for close to a year now. When we first got together, he was obsessed with me (in a good way), always planning dates and taking me out, spending quality time together, sends me cute texts, always phone/video calls me, etc.
Now, coming up to a year and living together, he works a 9-5 on weekdays while I’m at home attending online classes. I drop him off at work in the mornings and pick him up in the evenings every single day. I also pay for gas, food and groceries because he is struggling financially. I wait for him to come back and when he does, he’ll be on his phone, eat, watch TV and go to bed. But sometimes he would go out with his friends or family after work (typically at a bar) and I’d end up picking him up later than usual, but would come home and not spend much time with me because by then it would be late and he would have to go to sleep.
I thought this would pass, maybe it was something we both had to get used to (him starting a new job and being tired all the time, and me having to spend hours alone), but I feel like he got used to it being a routine and I haven’t, because I’m going out of my way to help him and I’m not acknowledged and appreciated for it.
I have suggested things we could do to spend more quality time together and he says it’s a good idea, but forgets about it unless I bring it up again, which he also forget about in a day or two.
I started to feel neglected, alone and unappreciated, as I felt that I was doing so much for him, yet I was barely spending any time with him. We do cuddle every night before bed, watch TV together sometimes, and talk about our days, but I’m desperate for more. More appreciation and more effort from him.
I did talk to him about how I was feeling and how I felt that he didn’t want to spend time with me. He said that he was sorry, was grateful for all I do and he would try harder to spend more quality time together. That was over a month ago. Since then, we’ve only been on 1 date that I planned (and paid for), because he never plans dates anymore. I also brought it up to him about how he always makes plans with other people (friends and family) when he knows we haven’t gone out in days/weeks, but does not bother planning a date or for us to go out.
He knows I don’t expect much. I don’t expect him to take me out on expensive dates and I don’t expect him to buy me expensive gifts. Quality time is not expensive.
I really want him to put in more effort in to taking me out on simple dates or just spending quality time together, doing anything else besides watching TV or cuddling before bed, because that is how I want to feel appreciated for all I do – spending quality time with him. How do I get him to appreciate me more? How do I get him to take me out or spend more time with me?
Tldr; I do a lot for my boyfriend (send him work, spend my money on him, spend any free time I have with him together). I’ve initiated and took him out on every date we’ve been on in a few months, and even suggested things we can do together, but he does not seem interested to initiate spending time with me. I feel like I’m being taken for granted as I’m not appreciated for all I do and I don’t get much in return. How do I get him to spend more quality time with me and make him appreciate me more?
3 comments
He works 9-5 and you get upset when comes home and wants to rest? God forbid you have to to what he does at work. Put yourself in his shoes for a week, then come back to this post.
Girl. Don’t blame you for all these feelings, but check a mirror: you’re enabling this. Use your words: “hey, dick, it’s normal for things to get more casual as we move in together, but I’m not your chauffeur nor am I responsible for managing our romantic life on my own. Either step the fuck up (like this, that, and so) or we’re done.”
you made him too comfortable. you said you spoke to him before and it didn’t work so give him an ultimatum, its the only way and if doing that doesn’t get your desired results (eg. he chooses to do better and prioritize you a bit more but doesn’t follow through with it) but you still want to give him a chance then scare him, make like you’re gonna leave or stay away for a couple of night or just go silent treatment on him, he should by now get the message and do better and sis, if that still doesn’t work then leave him, he’s not ready for you if he ain’t giving you what you giving him. ALSO..all testing periods should be no longer than one month, if not less, so give him atleast one month to get his act together after each of the chances you give him, this is if you want to hope for the best.