How do I tell my bf (25M) he should put his dog down?

9 comments

1. The dog is in pain.

   Tell your BF plainly the dog is in pain and the end is coming. Ask him to consider what it will look like. It could look like a comfortable sleep, where the dog knows he is loved and no longer feels pain. Or it could come suddenly, probably painfully, when the dog is alone and confused.

   Then leave him alone to make his choice about what the end looks like, because it’s going to come no matter what either of you say or do. The power he has as his dog’s person, is to honor the dog’s time and spare him pain, or to leave the dog to the possibly cruelest moments of mother nature. You cannot make that call for you BF, but you can point out that is the decision he’s making right now. Doing nothing, means choosing pain, and risking greater pain for the dog, because the person cannot face their final responsibility to the pet.

2. Just say, gently, compassionately, “Your dog is quite ill and seems listless and lifeless. Have you considered letting him go? It could be a piece of mercy to him”

3. I went through this recently with a family member’s beloved dog. There isn’t much you can do but be supportive.

4. Has the dog been to the vet recently? Does he need to go for any reason, or could you think of one? Maybe he would take it a bit better if it came from the vet.

5. When you are with the animal day in and day out you completely lose perspective on how sick they are. It took a stranger saying something to me to wake me up and now I hate that I waited so long. Vets will sometimes recommend it, or is there someone he trusts who hasn’t seen the dog in a while who can get through? If the vet lays out the end of life situation, i.e this is next, then this, then this, and he sees how hopeless and painful it is for the dog it may help.

6. My sister and her husband had a dog with failing health that they spent a lot of money/time on to keep comfortable and happy. One day when she was at the vet to get the dog fluids she asked the vet “When do we know it’s time to say goodbye” and the vet said “when your dog can no longer do the things that you know it loves to do” For that particular dog she loved 3 things most, fast running, snacks and blanket cuddles with my sister. Due to the health issues the first 2 had already stopped but the second my sister saw her dog wince away from her instead of come in for a cuddle because there was just going to be another pill or vet trip my sister scheduled the appointment.

   From the sounds of it your bf’s dog doesn’t have any of the things it loves left. It’s time.

7. I had a cat that was clearly sick and the vets didn’t have answers for me. As an owner it’s so hard to pull that trigger bc you think just maybe they’ll snap put of it. My cat was only 2 years old, however. I think your bf will know for sure when that time is but it’s worth it to bring it up to him to get his perspective.

8. Start with the basic version: you walk up to your boyfriend and say, “You should put the dog down.”

   Okay, so that may not be the best request. Are there appeals you can add to improve that request? For example, your boyfriend may not feel ready to let go, but one appeal you could make is to the fact that the dog is feeling substantial pain: “Do you think it’s time to put the dog down? He’s in a lot of pain from the bleeding and the difficulty peeing, in addition to all his internal problems. I just find it hard to see him suffering like this.”

   You could also appeal to quality of life, if being active was once important for the dog. “I know going on walks was important for him, and now all he can do is sit around and struggle. I don’t think he’s happy.”

   You may think of other appeals specific to the situation. Some may work. Others don’t. One appeal that may not work is the amount of work or money it may take to keep the dog alive. If your boyfriend is attached, he may see it as *giving up* or *betraying his dog* to consider putting the dog down for material reasons.

   Finally, there’s no easy way to have this conversation. You may give your initial request and he may respond in a way that shuts down what you’re trying to say. If you want a different approach, you can also ask him to open up about the attachment and what he’s thinking. In other words, start asking him about whether he has considered putting the dog down, and then ask him to explain his feelings about putting the dog down. In this kind of approach, though, it would be unfair to switch back to telling your boyfriend to do something, since then he might perceive opening up as a persuasive tactic rather than an attempt at empathy. Instead, genuinely approach it as learning where your boyfriend is emotionally, and try to repeat the reasons you’re hearing back to them (in your words) so you come to a common understanding of what he’s going through. Then you can try to support him as he’s going through this.

9. You could try broaching the subject and preface by saying it’s his dog/family and the decision is obviously his and you will support him and the animal either way.

   Letting go is hard. Sometimes it feels like you’re causing the death even when you’re not, you’re just being merciful. So if you do talk about it, you should talk about the animal’s comfort (with the love your bf feels, you KNOW he doesn’t want his dog to be in pain) and also about how he probably wants to remember the animal fondly, and not them being in constant discomfort and pain.

   Either way, best of luck to you. I am not religious, but sometimes the phrase, “This, too, shall pass,” really helps me. 🖤