I’ve (28f) been having issues with my partner (36m) for some time. Recently I found out he was tracking my online presence when he accused me of cheating on him when I reactivated my tinder account whilst in my hometown to show visiting friends the quantity of hilarious fish and tractor photos people use out in the sticks (I redownloaded it for about 2 hours to show them, then deleted without chatting or matching with anyone).
Since letting him know how unacceptable it is to track your partner, and arguing about other things, we agreed on a 10 day break in communication until I get back home to him.
Since that agreed break I’m getting about 12 texts an HOUR, along with voice notes of him crying, and he’s started messaging friends’ boyfriends repeatedly too.
This to me is even more unacceptable, which I’ve conveyed, but he’s now refusing to agree on a date for us to discuss all of this when I get back, as I’ve let him know I don’t see a way to move forward from these breaches of trust.
I’d never be one to want to break up with someone in any way other than in person, but would this be appropriate in this situation?
I don’t know now if I’d feel safe meeting up in person privately to do the break up in person, but also don’t want to do it in public as I imagine he’ll cause a huge scene and would rather avoid that as someone with chronic social anxiety..
Any help on how to navigate would be really appreciated, as I’ve never had to deal with a situation like this before.
Thank you!!
Edit for spelling!
11 comments
Phone him?
PS For future reference if you want to show someone Tinder pics get THEM to download the app. I would be devastated and my trust would be almost broken to find out that my partner had downloaded Tinder for two hours while in their hometown. I wouldnt beleive your excuse.
If you want to breakup, he doesn’t get a vote. You owe him no explanation, you don’t have to listen to his cringe voice-mail or lying promises.
If the age gap wasn’t sus enough, his controlling behavior is proof that you are making the right decision.
You don’t need his permission.
Oh Lord have mercy, as we say in the Sourh, dump him. The controlling behavior gets worse. He’s toxic. Block him.
Break up with him in any way you feel safe. You don’t owe him in person, you don’t owe him a hearing out, you don’t owe him a chance or a right of reply. You need to look after you, and getting out of this toxic relationship is the first step, however you need to.
It’s not a negotiation and he doesn’t get a say.
Tell him that if he continues to harass you or your friends you’ll get a restraining order, then block him on everything. If he finds workarounds, do not respond except via a lawyer/the police.
Why haven’t you blocked his number?
Dude was online stalking you with a tracker, bombarding you with messages, and you feel unsafe. You don’t owe him an in-person breakup. Consider that it’s okay to be flexible in this belief you hold based on the situation. As everyone else here has also said, you don’t need his permission.
You shouldn’t have downloaded tinder. Simple as that.
I had to break up with a guy by phone once because he wouldn’t accept it in person. Text him, then block him.