Hi, would you date a single mom? I’m currently in this position where I’m questioning myself if I should give it a chance. I’m 26 years old, single male with no kids, professional career and have my own house.

35 comments

  2. Stay away. You don’t need any of the aggravation that comes along with it, especially at your age.

    If you have the urge to be a father, have your own kids, not someone else’s.

  5. If you like them, date them. I wouldn’t guess that they really want you to be a big part if their kids life immediately. If they did, that would be an issues for me.

    EDIT: Words

  7. I don’t think dating a single parent is a dealbreaker. I’m a 30F and I have dated single dads before even though I’m not someone who wants my own kids. The considerations would be:

    – How is their co-parenting relationship? Do they appear to be on good terms with decent boundaries? If her child is still young I don’t think her spending Father’s Day with her child and ex is unreasonable. It’s a positive if they’re cordial or on good terms.

    – What is her timeline for introducing you to her child? I’m of the opinion that with younger children you should be waiting quite awhile until you introduce your partner to your kid. Now maybe you’re introduced as a “friend” but you don’t want to form an emotional bond with the child if you are potentially going to leave.

    – How is her life otherwise? Is she employed? Has her stuff together?

    Relationships fail and sometimes kids are involved. I don’t think it’s life over for those people. However if you don’t feel comfortable with navigating what dating someone with a child is, that’s also completely fine.

  8. No. Why won’t you just look for single girl without kids? You are 26 years old. It’s easier to build relatniship with someone who is on same page as you.

    Are you willing to pay for someone else kids?
    Are you willing to be step dad?

    In the end its your choice, do what you want and accept consequences.

  9. Yes.

    However, Ill give a warning from my last relationship. I did that for 3 years. Ending a bad relationship when you are attached to the kid is way harder than a normal breakup.

    It also means extra communication and compromise in the relationship. Which those are the 2 things that are already hardest in most relationships.

  10. I’m a single dad and I don’t even particularly want to deal with all the struggles of dating a single parent and I realize this is equally something women who don’t have kids feel toward me. It’s all good!

    I have dated single momens and I will continue to do so, because it’s not a firm deal breaker for me, but all things being equal, I’d date someone without kids before someone with kids because it’s just not as ideal.

    There’s no particular reason you shouldn’t date a single mom, but there’s also a million reasons you should highly consider whether that’s a firm deal breaker for you.

    Give people chances and be up front and honest with them. Don’t write off a genuine connection, but also do some hard reflection about what that means for you, the sacrifices that might mean, how you feel about that family dynamic before jumping in.

    It’s not something to consider lightly and there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to, just as there’s nothing wrong with a single woman not wanting to date me as a single dad.

  11. Why not? Unless she is asking you to be a father…go for it. Chances are the kids already have a father. She probably doesn’t even want you around them until things get serious anyway. So question is…should she want someone who is thinking myopically about a single mother?

  12. No, i wouldn’t do that personally
    I’m not sure if I want children anyways and I don’t think I can live with a children that’s not from me

  13. Always remember the children come first, single moms and dads alike. At no point, you are more important. That is why it is easier for two single parents in that respect, expectations on where the priorities lie are more in sync.

  14. In some respects, this can work, however If the single mum doesn’t have a job and has a bad relationship with the father that can prove problematic.

    In my experience unless the timeline to meet the kids is defined and the mum has aspirations to go back to work and make a solid family unit it will become messy and you’ll probably have to be significant support which if you haven’t been in that situation is stressful.

    If she doesn’t understand that, again probably best to meet someone without kids.

  15. a story about a friend who dated a woman who was also a single mother. They’ve been together for about 7 years. my friend fell in love with her son, a 3 year old when he first me him. now the boy is 10. my friend is hopelessly in love with him, like a father/son relationship. it seems to be very fullfilling for him.

    here’s the wrench – the mother, his girlfriend is a very toxic person. she has cheated on him. lives in his house for free. barely contributes. constantly disrespectful. jealous, always accusing him of cheating when she was the one who cheated. only reason he doesn’t leave her is because he knows it will destroy the little boy.

    tread very carefully. if it were me, I would pass on it before feelings get too strong. relationships are already hard enough without kids.

  19. It’s a question only you can answer..if it gets serious then be ready to meet the kids and be part of there life but only if you know deep down you can..my ex just dumped me and decided he wasn’t going to stay in my daughters life even though he swore he would which is why I let him in but she thought we were friends only..but it hurt her a lot and why so many kids have issues of these adults coming and going when in fact we should be protecting the kids from this..just my thoughts..but if you can date and not be around the kids to make sure you like her then do it.

  20. I am a single parent myself, and I probably wouldn’t date a parent who has only been separated for 7 months unless I was so blinded by feelings I didn’t even think to ask the question..

  21. Hey mate, had a 4 year relationship with a Single mom with one daughter, so here are some hints for you if it gets serious:

    1. You will always be 2nd place. And that’s okay.
    2. The kid may sometimes be rude or mean, but it means nothing. It’s Hard for a little child to accept a “New man” in the house. Give the kid some time with that.
    3. Be open about insecurities, there is no shame in saying “i want to try my best, but it’s the first time for me to be responsible for a child”. It’s okay to show when you have no idea what to do.
    4. Gifts are only as good as your Intention behind it. I only brought Gifts on birthday, Christmas and something small on Dia de Los muertos. My ex’s daughter sometimes asked if she can have something like Lego and I always told her, Gifts only on special days. Behind her back I asked her mom (my current gf) if she’s fine if i buy it as a reward for good Grades. Never forget, it’s her child, and she raises the kid, you are “only” the Support until things get more serious.
    5. Depending on the age of the kid, try to find out what’s his/her Favorite color, Animal, sports Club, musician, whatever.
    6. Show that you are father Material but don’t overdue it

    If you are only interested in Sex with that Single mom, just remember one thing:
    Anytime she can cancel your date bcz there’s sth with the child. And it’s not a white lie.

  22. I’ve dated single fathers before I had kids of my own and the hardest part about it is the breakup because you also break up with the kids. If you go into it knowing she has kids, and having the expectation that they will come first you will be fine. If you like her, give it a try. I’m now a single mother of 2 and I can’t imagine dating anyone now with kids, it is a 24/7 job with them.

  23. Everything is going so well with you why would you want to add baggage into your life?

    Single parents get so triggered.

  24. At your age it is probably a misguided idea.

    No matter how great the woman you are dating is you will be making time sacrifices that she cannot make. You will have to build your dating life around her time with the kid. The kid and the kids schedule has to come before any time that you can spend with her. Rightfully so.

  25. Single guy here, and no I wouldn’t, it’s one of my deal breakers.

    First, do you like kids? I don’t. So that’s my easiest reason.

    Second, are you ready to be a father? If you’re dating a woman with kids with the intent of it being serious, you will need to understand that you will eventually be a play a father-like role in their lives (to which extent is on a case-by-case basis). And if it doesn’t work out, are you emotionally prepared to leave those kids?

    Third, single mothers do not have nearly as much time as women without kids. Planning dates, going on vacations, etc are going to be a lot trickier now that you have kids’ schedules to plan around. I personally like the idea that I can up and go on a last minute trip without having to worry much about logistics.

    In short, I’m selfish and I want to grow a relationship just between myself and my partner before the idea of kids are even considered (still not sure I even want them one day.) So for me it’s an easy “no,” but it might not be as easy for you.

    Edit: Also, from experience, keep your guard up about your finances. I have come across a couple of single moms who were just looking for a financial provider for the family…

  26. This.. it burnt me badly..thats putting it lightly.

    Just keep in mind if you get any emotions for her child or become a father figure she can take it all away from you just like that.

  27. I (41 M) was what amounted to a semi-long rebound to a single Mom (31 F). Odds are I probably knew that I got with her too early after her breakup with her BD, but…she was attractive and that was really all I cared about. I fell in love with her, and she said she was in love with me. Her kids liked me, I liked them, etc. Like a total idiot I co-signed a lease for her so as to keep a roof over hers and her kids’ heads. Two months later she was back with her BD.

    There’s obviously a lot going on and in what I wrote above. And believe me, that’s an abridged version. But one thing you seem to understand (as did/do I) is that her kids come first. I always told this girl as such. And I always meant it – or I thought I did. And I still think I did. But I also didn’t understand what that truly meant.

    But the dark underbelly of “your kids should always come first” is that a good Mom will send you up a creek without a paddle if it means making things better for her kids. I think she was “seeing” her BD (who incidentally was an abusive POS and they’re now broken up again) well before she told me about it. As in when I signed the lease for her. So she knew that I was doing it because I loved her and I loved her kids, yet she was working towards getting back with him on the side. And she still allowed me to go ahead and co-sign that lease for her, whereas the honorable thing to do would have been to tell me then and there that he was back in the picture.

    I always understood “her kids come first” to mean that if one of them got sick, our plans would go out the window. And it happened many times. But just be wary, because as I said a good Mother will walk on you and make you apologize for not liking it if that’s what she has to do to help her kids. At that point I was an open wallet and a big heart. She knew that, and because it helped her kids she makes no apologies for it. Would I date a single Mom again? Sure. But I guess the gist of my “warning” is that single parents can justify just about anything that they do simply by saying “I’m doing this for my kids.” And even if it’s a death blow such as “my ex is back in the picture and I want them to grow up with two parents that love one another,” she’s going to do it and justify it by saying it’s best for her kids. And if you protest, she’ll say you’re acting to the detriment of her children, and “how dare you.” Again, I always told her that her kids should come before me. And I meant that. I just never understood that it went to the depths that it did.

  28. I mean I definitely wouldn’t. It’s one of my big no’s. Kids aren’t my jam. Freedom and silence are. Being able to just pick up and go somewhere on a random weekend is a big thing in my life I value.

    Everyone’s got different values and wants. Only you can answer this question.

  29. I’m a numbers guy in many ways. I thought I could beat the odds but 67% of second marriages end in divorce. Pretty ugly numbers. There are several reasons but a huge one is that step children often don’t want you in their view of family. So you face resistance and hostility while typically having no power over them. Yet, if you try to exert authority, which most experts advise against, your spouse tends to side with the kids.

  30. Since you’ve already heard all of the reasons why you shouldn’t (and I agree) I’m going to give you reasons why it may actually be better to date a single mother 😯

    All 3 of the men I dated lasted a min of 3 years with the longest being 7 years. I think my relationships were long term because they were more mature than what most relationships would be at that age due to the fact that I had more responsibilities as a single mother. To this day I am still friends with all of my exes. They randomly check in on me and my daughter to see how we’re doing. The bond you form when dating a single mother is much stronger and deeper than a bond you may form with someone without children. In my own personal opinion and experience I would say single mothers love on a deeper level because they truly understand what unconditional love is. The love I share with my exes are for a lifetime…they were literally part of my daughters life and her upbringing and I can only be thankful for that. Overall single mothers may actually be more organized, structured and “put-together”. Dinner every night is a plus too lol 😉

    IDK maybe my situation was different being that my daughters father passed away when she was only 4yo (I was 20yo)- I had to get my life together quick! I got my degrees, excelled in my profession, bought my houses, invested my money…I definitely had it together and my income was actually higher than all of my exes. I’m saying all of this because it seems as though a lot of people think dating a single mother is “baggage” when she’s probably more “put-together” than woman without children and without responsibilities…ijs….idk…Ive never known anything besides being a single mother but thats just my take on it. 🤷‍♀️

    I still tell my neices and nephews not to do it though. At least not while they’re young. They should be able to freely explore the world and share those “first” with a significant other that is also new to it…that creates a bond of its own too when two people are able to experience something for the first time together. Bottom line, if you’re not ready for a mature relationship then don’t even come close to her and her child…

  31. It depends on what kind of person she is. Not every single mother is going to make you feel like second best, or questioning priority. Its not always that heavy..

    My son goes to his dads on weekends so I had plenty of time to do fun things. You can also do a lot of fun things with children that you didnt get to do as a kid. If you need a partners attention like 24 hours a day, I think thats kind of weird too? You can take a child anywhere. We would go camping, kayaking, cottage, movies, festivals, trips, restaurants.. etc (with or without him)

    If you dont want to take part in helping out with like responsibility such as school pick ups, making breakfast then thats up to you as an individual.
    Most people are really self centered, but if you dont mind just being an adult and taking that on, go for it.

    The mother will however probably be protective of the child but any mother, even with a child of your own is going to be the same way.

  32. I would not date a single mom. I’m also 26, my workplace is surrounded by single mothers (nurses), I am also a profesional and own my house.

    Every opportunity I’ve had to date one I’ve turned down. These are my reasons; she will never put you first/make your a priority, you will have to deal with the father (most cases), there are better alternatives.

    The logic is why date a single mom, when you can date someone that’s not a mother and procreate with her and start your own family?

    I’m on the same boat, I want to date I’m nearing my 30’s so I should consider my options. However remember that the older we get, the more skill we aquire, and the more reliable we become; the more attractive we become and out options only get better with time because we can always date down.

    Be patient.

  33. There’s a lot of guys here telling you that it’s not a good idea because they assume you would be involved with the kids in some way and get attached and xyz. I disagree wholeheartedly. You’re dating her for her. Not to be a father to her kids. As long as that is what you both want of course. I could definitely see myself dating a mom and I’m a single 34 year old guy never married no kids. I would be totally cool if she wanted to keep her kids out of the relationship. I know it would mean it would be more difficult to get time with her but that’s the sacrifice you make. The only question you have to ask yourself is if you want to be involved with the kids and if she wants that. If she says no then you’ll have to respect that boundary.

    I have a friend that got involved with a mom and got attached to the kids and it was really hard for him and the kids after they split up. If you’re going to do it, it is imperative you both discuss intentions in the early stages.

  34. Hell no bro, Please don’t do it

    A) in some states, you can get put on the hook for child support

    B) you can grow an attachment, and because the child was never yours, you’ll never see them again

    With your accomplishments, date a childless woman(there are plenty of them), so you can start a family from scratch

  35. I’m in the same dilemma… single dad, full custody of his 3 daughters… Me (36f)… him (34M). I don’t have any kids, I work in travel so I am always backpacking or taking off somewhere. I own my 1 bedroom apartment. I love kids, I am aunty kaka to many as all my friends have kids. I feel I am at the stage where I’m ready to meet someone and date and then move for ward in the next stages ie settling down n having kids (I don’t mean straight away btw)… I like this guy, he makes me laugh, I fancy him, we have known each other a long time and he has been asking to take me out for a while. But I’m not ready to be a ready made family… his daughters are amazing though. But when would we have any time? We can’t just take off when we want etc?!

    My friends who are all single mums are rolling their eyes at me… as they have this attitude from guys constant!! But it’s my life!!

    I completely get that I’m 36 and can’t expect guys my own age not to have kids, I have dated a few guys with kids who have had shared custody. This guy doesn’t have that and omg I commend him for being such a great parent 💕.

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