I had a discussion with my mother about sex, specifically doing it for fun. About me, I’m a single, virgin Christain woman in my mid 20s. Although we’re Christain, my mom is not against sex before marriage, however, she’s against sex when dating/having fun. She’s a firm believer that sex should be with someone you love and/or planning to spend the rest of your life with; not one & done with one person & move on to another. She also said the same rule should apply to everyone, not just Christians.
I don’t know how I feel about it & honestly, I know what I wanted. My goal is to have sex before marriage, do it for fun & for love. As a survivor of childhood rape, it’s all I ever wanted, as long as I’m safe & not being pressured, of course. Yes, I want to have sex with someone I love, but I don’t know when that dream man is gonna come along. I refuse to have my first time when I’m old & wrinkly. I want to do it while I’m young & fresh.
28 comments
I’m glad that rule does not apply to everyone. I couldn’t disagree with it more.
And sex before marriage should be encouraged. How can you possibly make an informed choice about making a commitment like that without knowing whether you’re sexually compatible?
You dont have to be in love to have sex. To stay on course with maybe some of the values your mother has you should only have sex when you are in a serious committed relationship actually dating someone not just a one time hookup. And sex with your partner can always be fun weather you have been together 6 months or 30 years.
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YES!
That’s pretty much it.
To put the pre-marital sex thing in perspective…the earlier church didn’t real see a need to be involved in marriage of the ordinary population until recently.
Much of what you have learned is probably off the mark when compared with the actual content of the written bible.
Sex, is fine for pleasure otherwise the church would forbid it except for conception. It doesn’t.
Since up until 1215 the church just didn’t care about the lower classes.
https://christianity.stackexchange.com/questions/43509/why-did-the-medieval-church-become-involved-with-marriage
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handfasting
The church’s involvement was about property rights and inheritance and not about love or domestic bliss.
You need to decide what is right for you. You mom seems cool please tell her the random people on the internet say hello. We think she has done a fine job raising you to be an intelligent person.
Good luck.
Didn’t King Solomon from the Bible have an insane number of wives and concubines?
If you and the other person(s) are fully aware of the implications, if there is consent there’s nothing wrong with having occasionally sex. It doesn’t have to be a relationship or a marriage to have it and nothing to be ashamed of.
I’m a relationship guy. Definitely a relationship guy. If I were you, I’d explore the idea that you can have some kind of reoccurring arrangement that has nothing to do with love. And yes, I totally believe that THAT can be a lot of fun.
Do I think that your mother should be allowed to dictate how you want to live your life? No. It’s for you to decide.
I just think that maybe there are more data points on the scale than the ones you have mentioned so far?
Doesn’t matter if you wait, nor does it matter if you do it now. Just do it when you’re comfortable and ready. Do it with someone that is fun to be around, someone who respects you and will appreciate you. Good luck.
Your mom’s thinking is not wrong, but yours isn’t either. If you want to enjoy your time with sex, enjoy it.
I’m personally the type that needs very little in order to want to have sex with someone, so i would never make my daughter follow restrictive rules, because I didn’t.
Enjoy your sexual life the way YOU see fit.
It’s completely ok if its what you want for yourself. If its your choice, its okay. Don’t let others choose for you. Its your body. Your life.
Have sex whenever you want, with whoever. As long as you choose it, no one can say its wrong.
I personally would never marry someone who i hadn’t slept with beforehand.
Of course it’s ok to have sex for fun why else would you have it? 🙂 I agree you should have fun while young learn what you like and what you don’t it’s just sex making it out to be something very sacred is not the way to go in my opinion. Just be responsible and enjoy yourself.
How you live your life is up to you. Your choices are your own. If you want to go out and have fun, then do it. Just be safe and responsible.
I am a relationship guy but I have had sex with friends and it was a lot of fun. I don’t like to have sex with strangers, but I don’t need to have romantic feelings in order to have sex.
Just be careful. I tried to have an FWB, but I got attached. It ended up turning into a relationship, when it was someone I never should’ve gotten into a relationship with (and was a very toxic relationship).
Some of us aren’t cut out for casual sex. There are people like me who try to have casual sex but somehow get attached anyway. When you have sex with someone, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin, which is known as a “bonding hormone” and can make you feel attached whether you want to be or not. So I have learned not to have sex with people I don’t want to feel attached to. I do best not having sex unless it’s with someone I already deem to be relationship material.
Sex is fun between two or more consenting adults.
It is like any other belief.
That is cool if you (your mother in this case) feels that way and wants to live her life that way.
But, it is not right for any person to push their beliefs onto you.
If you agree with them, cool. If you do not agree with them, cool too. Sexual or not.
Fun is the main reason to have sex in the first place
Love is not required for good sex. Neither is commitment.
It’s up to you and your partner to decide what you want to do together.
If you have good communication with your partner and look after each other’s health and emotional well-being then sex is and can be a very, very good thing, just for pleasure, just for fun.
There are mental, emotional, and physical benefits to having sex with a considerate partner whether casually or not.
The risks of sex with a considerate partner are more health and pregnancy related. You cause no harm when two enthusiastic people decide to have sex for whatever reason they want. And there can be tangible good things for each person in the coupling.
It’s up to you to decide.
i grew up in the church and id highly recommend detaching your values from your mothers for your own sake. if they align, so be it, but be your own person, live your own life. no one has a superior moral code for your life but you.
should mention ive been agnostic-atheist since late highschool. sex is amazing. its biologically driven, great way to share a connection with others.
It is completely ok to have sex for fun. I couldn’t imagine where I would be if I didn’t.
Just make sure you stay safe and know your boundaries. It’s ok to explore your boundaries too! Make sure you’re with someone who respects them and will stop when you say so.
I would suggest to always wear a condom. If the guy doesn’t want to wear one, then don’t have sex with him. You do want to listen to your sex partner, but please don’t fall for “the condom hurts too much”. There are different sizes and brands to choose from, there should be 1 that doesn’t hurt.
If you can get on birth control that would be a plus as well in case unforseen things happen. You can talk to an obgyn about heavy bleeding, very bad cramps to get on something if that makes you more comfortable. Where I used to live, they wouldn’t prescribe birth control just as birth control (total BS) but it’s a work around.
Let me put it this way:
You don’t have to love the person you have sex with in the love-relationship-way, but to love the person in the friendship with benefits-waywould be good/okay 😀
I mean if you fuck your friendship with benefits person you give him good feelings and he gives you good feelings. It only brings up positive feelings for each other, doesn’t it?And in the best case you both still learn something through the sexual practices
Imagine you can do this and that sexual practice with your xx and not with your dream man. Wouldn’t you sit in your bed one day and think to yourself: Why wasn’t I allowed to experience this and now I am in a relationship with someone I LOVE?
Do you see what I mean?But in the best case, it should be that your dream man wants to do everything that you want to do. I think. No idea lol haha
What do you say?
Could you reply to me? 🙂
You seem to have spent a good amount of time reflecting on your feelings around this, which is a great pre-step many don’t take. From how you’ve described your position, I would say casual sex is definitely something you could pursue. Maybe the cute friend you get along with doesn’t have the same long-term goals as you, but for something less serious that isn’t necessarily as important. I would also caution, however, against using the casual nature of said encounters to forgo your usual preferences.
Some individuals are (apparently) capable of engaging in healthy mutually beneficial casual relationships with their bosses, professors, people much older/younger than themselves, etc., but it takes a *metric fuckton* of strength and self-worth to even have a shot of pulling it off. You’ll know your current strengths and weaknesses better than some internet random though, so I could be totally off base.
You should only have sex for fun. All the rest is additional… You can have it with the love of your life, a random stranger, to make a baby, etc.
Her rules are perfectly fine for herself. It’s up to you to decide what rules you want to live by. Feeling safe and not pressured are good starting points in creating your own set of criteria.
Too many people get married and find out their sexually incompatible afterwards. Yeah it is fine to have sex for fun, just be safe. There’s no nonreligious argument against it unless you live in the southern US as of recently…
So I always said I’d wait till marriage to have sex and then at 18 I got my first serious boyfriend who was my first everything. After we broke up I then ended up in another serious relationship for 4 years engaged and everything. He was abusive to the extreme and once I got out of it I didn’t sleep with anyone for over a year.
Now, I have a guy who I hook up with who is strictly sex. Just fun. My mum knows about him since I tell her everything and she said the same thing, as long as I’m safe and not doing anything harmful what is the big deal? I have no intentions of getting into a relationship with him and we both know it’s just sex.
If you really just want to go and have fun do it, just make sure you’re safe and not harming anyone and make sure no one can harm you. I don’t see any reason not too, plus you’re still young so even if you don’t enjoy it you can always stop.
Chart your own course. Be careful, fuck a lot men and woman, and when the time comes to settle down, you’ll be ready!!!