How to be a Productive Member of Society and Stop being Such a Hateful Bitchy Person.

14 comments

1. Stay off social media

2. >Not sure if this is the right thread…But Pretty much as title says…I am tired of being so negative and have uncontrollable outbursts. It is negatively impacting my kids, husband and home life. I cannot afford therapy or anti depressants as I have no insurance…

   >What are some things I can do to turn my attitude around… I am 29 & female. It is really wearing me down and very intrusive thoughts happen more often than not.

   >I know people live normally with positive emotions, thoughts and relationships without medication or alcohol/drugs. How is the question…

   >Thanks you!

   You’re on the wrong subreddit. Repost to r/mindfulness.

3. So I’m not guaranteeing anything because I only know it works for me, but I used to be in the same boat until I started actively stopping myself mid thought.

   Sometimes you don’t always catch yourself, sometimes you catch yourself after, and sometimes it’s days later you’ll look back, but the important part is you correct yourself. *Everytime.*

   So say you said something like *”Wow I forgot to put gas in my car tonight, now I have to get it early in the morning. I’m such an idiot.”*

   You would correct it to something like *”That’s okay I forgot, I make mistakes sometimes and that’s okay. This will give me a chance to get up a little earlier for work and not rush in the morning. I could get a coffee or donut while I stop for gas”* or something similar.

   No matter how silly it sounds, as long as you practice this religiously your brain will be rewired. It takes work and a lot of patience with yourself, but before I knew it I was saying only positive to not only myself, but others around me. Hope it works out for you!

4. Go to bed early at night and get well rested /s

   I’m sorry I had to do it

5. Check out Jordan Peterson. Listening to his Maps of Meaning lectures helped pull me out of a dark place. I like that he starts with the realization that everything is fucked, and where to go from there.

6. I think your mindset is tripping you on a few levels here.

   1. Not everyone functions well without medication. Sometimes medicine is needed to repair whatever that’s physically short-circuiting in your brain that no amount of mindfulness can resolve, because your hardware is fried.

   2. You mentioned “uncontrollable outbursts”. That means you believe you’re not in control of your own emotions. If not for depression or some other mental condition, our reactions are mostly very much in our control. Be accountable to yourself.

   A therapist would have you examine _why_ you have these outbursts. So you can think about what prompted your reactions, and what would make you come down from that ledge.

   If you want to yell at your husband, ask yourself why yelling must be the only way of communicating, and whether it achieved your objective.

   Have a “no outburst challenge” for 21 days and see if you can get into the habit of reacting in other ways besides exploding.

7. Chill out

8. I’ve been looking into stoicism recently after some traumatic events in my life left me feeling emotionally out of control. It has really helped!

9. I was very negative and I didn’t like it. I asked my therapist what to do and she told me to start focusing on being thankful and to start journaling.

   Every day write down 5 things you are thankful for, no matter how small or insignificant you think they are. Also write down the single best thing that happened that day, just before bed. What this did was change/trick my mindset into being more positive. It doesn’t get rid of the negative things in your life, but it sure helped me become much more positive.

   A subtle shift to be sure, but so powerful.

   This was the single biggest thing I got from therapy and I hope it helps you as much as it worked for me.

   Knowing that you are being negative and wanting to change is awesome, some people don’t even realize that they are.

   You got this, good luck!

10. The most important thing I would say is to just **start.**

    You’re going to make a lot of mistakes and still feel like you aren’t getting anywhere. But it’s just like physical exercise; it takes time to see results. And you certainly aren’t going to get anywhere sitting on the mental couch.

    Some people have already listed some techniques. Try that for a while. See what works and what doesn’t. Realistically though, be prepared to seek out professional help if that’s what it comes down to. You can always get more money. You cannot get more time.

11. Exercise.
    Read.

12. Meditation. Daily. It can have an impact on your mood.

    Also, daily vigorous exercise. Again, it can have a huge impact on your mood.

13. Do you have enough help and support in your life? Do you take time for yourself and practice self care?

14. I saw you mention Therapy. I would recommend checking out Dialectical Behavior Therapy (or DBT) for the specific things you described (although you only briefly described what’s going on for you). It has a lot of components for emotional regulation And interpersonal effectiveness when dealing with hard emotions. Also good for intrusive thoughts.

    Best to try to find a therapist that practices in that modality While at the same time partaking a DBT group. Sometimes that can get expensive however.