As women, we are constantly reminded of our appearance. It is so closely tied to what we’re told is our worth and the love and attention we deserve. “Beautiful” is what we’re supposed to be, no matter what, from a very young age. Even in the body positivity movement, there’s such an emphasis on the word “beautiful”, sort of further pushing the message that you ought to be beautiful. Though it can feel nice to treat yourself and look your best at times, we still spend a lot of time, energy and money into trying to reach an unachievable standard.
So I’m curious to know about how men feel about beauty when it comes to themselves? Do you just not care? What do you like to do to feel “beautiful”?
21 comments
I dont ever feel like ‘looking good’. The desire to ‘look good’ is religated to courting in my mind, since I’m done courting, I don’t care about my appearence. Only my health matters in terms of caring for myself now, so I can live a longer happier life. Compliments and others admiration does not affect my life.
women tend to think that men are into beauty when what where looking for is elegance and charm.
I do care about looking good and taking care of myself brings me confidence. However being masculine and getting my shit done is far more important to me.
I like to take care of myself but parfums are my weak spot. I have like 30, 40 different bottles and counting
I didn’t really want to put too much effort into my appearance. I figured I was either good looking or I wasn’t and if I wasn’t there wasn’t too much point spending a lot of money faking it.
I kind of favor really baggy and nondescript clothes and don’t do anything really fancy with my hair. I work out but that’s paranoia about heart attacks more than anything.
Well, I am Beast, so a love one after I kept her as a prisoner in my castle for a bit
I’ve been bullied for my looks for almost twenty years. Then all of a sudden, women (and even men) started to call my handsome despite the fact that I didn’t look much different. Women even started to hit on me. I will never know what people see when they look at me and I don’t care anymore anyway. I lean more and more towards thinking that everyone else is just full of shit no matter if they mock me or compliment me for the way I look.
Wouldn’t know I’ve be hideous my whole life
In my experience, men have almost no need to be concerned with their own “beauty.” Really the most effort the average man will put into his appearance is maintaining good hygiene and grooming, and learning to dress well. If you can learn to do those things well, you’ll have pretty much the same opportunities as any other man, even one who is more naturally attractive. In general, I’d say a man’s looks aren’t even in the Top 10 of qualities he’ll be assessed on in the course of an average day. Even with women, it’s common knowledge that looks can only get you so far. You can’t walk up to a woman you like and say “Hello. As you can see, I’m gorgeous. So….you’re place or mine?”
This is such a good question! I don’t think enough men and women really grasp how influential it is/isn’t on the opposite gender.
To answer your question, for me as a 42 yo man, my relationship to beauty is it doesn’t much matter. While I am decently attractive, that is almost never the way by which my value is measured.
I generally can get out of bed, rub the sleep out of my eyes, and go to work, being accepted as decent enough. The hyperfocus others have on me is of my *productivity*. Most people value or devalue me for that. And as I’ve been successful, doors open for me based on that. I’ll meet prospective buyers, clients, in my work clothes, dirty from the field, not looking my best.
I can relate to the pressure a woman feels to maximize her looks, as I’m under similar pressure to maximize my production. But I do think that mine is an easier lot as what society demands of me is a step further removed from my literal biology.
I feel like some days I look better than others, and that I can do things to enhance my looks. But outside of seeking a new relationship, it’s my work that’s focused on far above looks.
Don’t care, really. I mean, my generation grew up with He Man and didn’t turn it into a culture wide complex. Arnold Schwarzenegger, too.
Beauty standards only apply to men when we get on dating apps. Men are judged on our resources, not our physical appearance so much. Our confidence, drive, purpose, and status are what’s Important to us in attracting a mate.
My ex always used to make fun of me for taking longer to get ready than she did. I like dressing nice, smelling nice and having nice skin, but being “beautiful” 24/7 is just unrealistic, so as much as I like looking good while out in the town I generally look like a homeless person while haunting my house lol
I think perhaps I might have a bit of an unusual relationship with it. I also largely think gender roles are dated, despite myself being super masculine conforming and happy comfortable that way….just for other people, am not judgy.
But I Never thought about it so overtly as now, but a few things.
One, I am a lawyer and there is a certain dress code to it. I learned to like a well fitted suit. It always made me feel a little less impostor syndrome walking into this marbled building, when inside I am still the ‘tough’ kid that got interested in court when I was in trouble as a kid, and in court for delinquencies…;p I guess it isnt solely a beauty motivation, but I enjoy looking good dressed like that.
Two, I like tattoos. I have a lot now. I guess I sometimes think of them as separate from my own beauty, like I am the canvas, the frame. But ya, I get them to be art work.
Three, in casual dress, I think my motivation is much more pure ‘looking good.’ And there that is partly in being a musician. I often feel like any nicer casual clothing purchases should be something I could wear to a gig.
Last, I thought genetically, I wouldn’t keep all my hair. No big deal. Lots of great looking guys without hair. But when I got in my 30s, now 40s and was like “huh…aint goin nowhere are ya?” Then I started appreciating it. Started taking better care of it. I even grew it put in Covid against the lawyer dress code.
>So I’m curious to know about how men feel about beauty when it comes to themselves?
I’m going to be honest I’m not entirely sure what you mean by this.
>Do you just not care?
Basically yeah. Looking “beautiful” would require alot of time, effort, and money none of which I particularly feel like spending on “beauty”.
>What do you like to do to feel “beautiful”?
Nothing, I don’t think I have ever found myself beautiful. I’m average looking at best. It’s not like people who weren’t family have ever appreciated me for my appearance anyways. So I don’t out much stock in it.
I think I understand what you’re going for OP but men in general aren’t called beautiful or told to be be beautiful. Men are trained to be useful, like a tool, not beautiful.
Beautiful is a feeling that I don’t really believe would be open to someone like me. Much like the idea of feeling sexy, it’s all completely foreign to me.
I do try to look as good as I can (within reason), but it all feels a little helpless and pointless when I go out and see what the competition is.
Beauty isn’t a word I personally use to describe physical appearance. I needed a word to describe when I like someone as a person, and I make a point of that distinction.
I have a full skincare routine – from toner, retinol, spf to botox. However I am realistic at how far that can go and at 50 my routine is more the aging gracefully than addressing any issues.
Always keep myself neatly groomed – hair nails, clean cloths etc.
I like to feel that I’ve put some effort into my appearance daily.
same for men but maybe a bit less, we have our own weird things. dont focus on those things and just use them a bit.
I am finally getting around to buying some quality bike tools, because while I may never be handsome, I can at least become handy. As for fashion I have recently started wearing long sleeved and button up shirts which according to my sister makes me look more mature, but really I just prefer the material and not getting sunburned. Soon I will start wearing suspenders to achieve old-man status by 29. My skincare routine consists of rubbing Vasaline on my hands, because I wash my hands a lot and very thoroughly. And if anyone wants a more complete picture, yes I do wear socks and sandals.
As for women I am more into health and hygiene. If you are healthy and clean then that is about as good as it gets, and it is pretty good. Summer dresses are nice though.
I’m hygienic, I floss, I’m organized and make my bed every single morning.
Although I don’t wear trash bags, I really don’t care about looking good. I know how to look good because I have to tolerate doing it for work most days. But on my “me-time” you won’t catch me wearing anything ‘nice.’ Jeans and a TShirt unless it’s a wedding or a funeral basically.
Then again I want to be a bachelor for the rest of my life. So I don’t have any incentive or reason to put effort into my appearance and wear clothes I don’t like wearing. It’s basically all about utility to me.
I don’t really care, once I’m clean looking and feeling I don’t care if I look handsome. I just don’t like feeling dirty.