My husband [M25] and I [F25] have been together for 8 years and married for 1. Our relationship has always been “wild”. Lots of moving, traveling and sex 6-7 times a week or more until we found out I was pregnant last year. Everything was normal up until the third trimester when I got so big it was more of a chore to have sex. It then dwindled to about 2-4 times a week.
After our daughter was born, we waited the full 6 weeks and I’m breastfeeding so I really had no interest. It’s been almost 5 months since we had our daughter and we’ve maybe only been together once/three times every other week.
I have been more eager to have sex lately as I started my cycle up again and feel my hormones regulated but we’ve been arguing about everything you can imagine. When we argue we both have no interest in being together.
Anyway, we just had sex for the first time in awhile and I was “taken care of”, usually it’s just a quickie with me on top.. and it felt really weird. I feel this weird distance towards him. It felt like we had a hard time even kissing or talking. To me it was very awkward, like we’ve never done it before.
I opened up about how I felt afterward and he just apologized and said we’ll kiss next time. I don’t think he really understood what I meant.
Does this mean I don’t love him anymore? I feel like we are just parents. The only time we get together is when our baby is sleeping. We don’t really hangout much unless it’s video games over the weekend or TV shows while we eat. It just feels like the intimacy is gone.
How do I bring this up again? What can I do to make this better? Has anyone else experienced this and how did you get through it? Will we ever have the same sex and intimacy we had pre-baby?
3 comments
You both love each other that’s not going away, you have someone else in the house now that needs more attention from both of you, my wife and I were the same way and we have 2 kids, it took a bit but the spark came back we have sex about 4-5 times a week. You’re both young, flirt with him and see what happens. Don’t think too much
I don’t have all the answers but I do have a young kid (13 months). For us it’s important to continue intimacy when kiddo is awake. That’s little touches, lots of affirmation, cuddles (kiddo tries to join in and that’s fine too!), family walks, and plenty of affection.
But sometimes we do just sit down (not late at night) and one of us says “I don’t feel close to you right now – what can we do about it?” Generally the strategy is to flag that we’re keen to chat, put kiddo to bed, take our clothes off, snuggle naked, and *then* start talking. It takes the sting out of it to already be physically close when you’re having a serious relationship chat.
Your relationship is going through a huge transition. It’s normal to need time and effort to work through it!
Being married is a commitment. You have to choose to stay committed everyday. There are ebs and flows in a marriage. You are not “just parents”, you are man and wife first. If you get your priorities mixed up it will only make it harder.