I (23F) am often in situations in public by myself with (usually) older men I don’t know. Sometimes they’re overly friendly, and I can’t tell if it’s them trying to signal that they’re not dangerous, or trying to hit on/flirt with me.
Best example: leaving a movie theater, there was a man that appeared behind me and followed me to the elevator of the parking garage. He didn’t hit any buttons when he got on, then tried to speak with me in the elevator. I was being cautious because he had followed behind me for so long. Then he gets off on the same floor as me, and low and behold his car was parked on the same level. I felt so guilty after that, thinking so badly of this man. But, i am a woman and don’t really trust any strangers REGARDLESS of gender.
TL;DR: I don’t want to be an asshole to someone trying to be kind to me, but it’s hard for women to put that guard down with male strangers. So, when you’re in this situation, are you speaking out of kindness or in hopes of getting a number? This is not shame you, this is to help me better understand when I should feel safe and when I should have my guard up.
*last EDIT then I’m leaving it alone: You are all correct, it is NOT your responsibility to make a woman feel comfortable and I clearly chose the wrong words. BREAK THE TENSION. Do you speak to break the tension? TENSION? If you FEEL TENSION are you speaking to diffuse the threat? All I’m trying to get at is, I cannot tell when a man is just being FRIENDLY or if he is hitting on me and I came here for help with differentiation.
I don’t want you to make me more comfortable and I don’t need you to make me more comfortable.
Also: this is not elevator specific lol I’ve been on a lot of elevators with strangers I know how it works.
I’m not sure if this is the right place to ask and I know this sub doesn’t speak for every man, but I thought a general consensus could help me out! TYIA!
27 comments
Nope… I just nod good day when she enters and then go back to browsing reddit
I usually make hard eye contact
And fart as loud as I can
It makes them chill
Or at least know I have no ulterior motives
No, I just stand there waiting for my floor
I just acknowledge the persons existence by nodding or saying hi and then I mind my own business.
Unless I have a reason to make a joke or I know her then no I usually don’t say anything and just wait for my floor.
That said I find women are often chatty in those situations.
Usually not. People don’t talk to each other in elevators over here.
No, I frankly don’t care about that at all. If my mere existence is making someone uncomfortable, I can only feel pity for them and the fact that they live in such sense of danger, but it’s not something I can influence.
If it was me, I’d just slightly smile or nod and just look anywhere away from her.
It’s like you said, some would talk with hopes of getting your number, some are just trying to get rid of the awkwardness, some just genuinely are friendly and trying to know what’s up. It depends on how he talks to you
No.
Why do you women always think we should act differently around you? Just let me be myself and do my own thing and listen to my own music. Your paranoia has a real effect in our lives, time to see that.
No. I barely talk to people i know. I’m not about to talk to a rando in an elevator.
I usually give a simple greeting to anybody. I dont like social interactions
I play with my phone or listen to music to signal I’m not paying attention to them
I do honestly really feel horrible whenever a woman looks at me terrified clutching her purse or kid
I’m a 6’2 dude who wears hoods bc I get migraines from sunlight & my hair gets messy without hoods holding it in place
“This woman looks nervous. Or a psychopath. I hope she doesn’t shank me with a knife or something because she feels threatened by my existence.”
Paranoia works both ways. Best to ignore them and not say anything because that’s the world we live in; just a simple “good evening” may set off someone’s anxiety or be interpreted as harassment.
It may surprise you to learn that many men don’t give a shit about your existence in situations like this and are just taking the elevator to get back to their car.
I don’t dare in this day and age to compliment a good looking lady.
I just smile politely and keep my mouth shut unless someone addresses me.
I wouldn’t speak to her unless she spoke to me first. I tend to follow her lead. If she’s avoiding eye contact, so will I. If she doesn’t talk to me, I won’t talk to her. If she looks visibly uncomfortable, I may even leave the area if I can (but that’s as much for my own comfort as it is for hers).
>But, i am a woman and don’t really trust any strangers REGARDLESS of gender.
Women are much, much less likely to be attacked or killed by strangers than men are. You are paranoid of people.
I gauge body language of people and act accordingly. Otherwise, i don’t give 2 shits about some stranger im never gonna see again
As a woman, I fully believe I am in charge of making myself feel comfortable around strangers in normal situations in which I would encounter strangers. To be governed by that sort of paranoia is a ridiculously weak way to live your life.
Men do not owe me anything, not even eye contact in an elevator. They’ve got their own lives to think and worry about.
No, her feelings are no concern of mine.
maybe some eye contact, one of those small “I’ll smile at you with my mouth closed out of courtesy because we’re human and I’m just acknowledging your existence, but please don’t talk to me” smiles, and then mind my business.
I usually say a quick greeting and then find something to bury myself in while in the close space.
If it is a “creepy” hallway, depending on her pace, I will likely deliberately pass her up, or if she is setting a good walking pace, give her space to feel comfortable.
Truth is some of my “peers” can be creeps. I want to make sure you know I am not one of them.
a nod to acknowledge that we are aware of each others existence, then move as far away from her as possible in the elevator and silence. If she initiates conversation, I’ll interract, but i never try to start any.
If I am alone in an elevator and woman stranger gets in, I will stand silently and turn my body away from her a bit and not look. If she speaks to me, I will speak back, but otherwise I will not talk to her first. Outside of elevators, I do my best to not have any interaction with women strangers. If I am grocery shopping and I happen on the same aisle twice as a woman stranger, I will go to the other end or a couple of aisles over and then come back to the ones I missed in order to not seem like I am tracking her.
I just stand there looking like my avatar
As a stranger, I am cognizant that a woman is likely afraid/skeptical of me by default. A simple nod to acknowledge her presence and will not say a word to her unless she does first.
I also feel a bit uncomfortable if I just happen to need to follow the same path as her (parking garage is a good example) like “damn, she probably thinks I’m stalking her”
It’s a fukked up world we live in where the worst of a person is automatically assumed.
I’m only 35 so might not count, but if we’re actual strangers I’ll probably ignore you entirely; chances are I have heavy metal music in my ears anyway. **If** we have to interact I’ll try to be friendly, inoffensive, and out of the interaction as soon as possible.