One of my Best Friends, let’s call her Kayla (15) is boy CRAZY. Kayla has always been an outgoing person, she is a huge social butterfly. She is pretty, has a nice body and overall is a really sweet person. So, naturally she tends to attract the attention of some boys.
She has a public instagram account with almost 2,000 followers and has posted revealing pictures in the past (I wouldn’t have a problem with this but she is barely 15). The kind of attention she receives is sometimes worrying and she doesn’t seem to care. Once she told me someone (who I think might’ve been 18+) messaged her on instagram and told her how he “jerked off” to one of the pictures she has displayed of herself on her instagram page. This obviously worried me but when she told me she acted like she could careless nor was she upset.
Almost everyday she will send some random picture of a boy and express how cute or hot she thinks the boy is.
She used to mess around with a 16 year old when she was 14 (she was a freshman and he was a JUNIOR). They got sexually physically(not sex but kinda close) at her HOUSE. She ended things because he was mentally unstable. He would text her on numerous occasions on random numbers MONTHS after she ended things and even after she blocked him multiple times.
She was going to hang out with a boy she thought was cute with her friend and her boyfriend because the boyfriend knew the guy she thought was cute. He bailed because he went to fuck his GIRLFRIEND. Even after this she still expressed how “hot” he was and how she “wanted” him.
She rejected a guy that liked her and he told the guy she was talking to at the time that she was “tresh” and the guy believed him.
And I know for a fact she flirts with guys over instagram. And I know for a fact she has weirdos following her instagram and hitting her up through dms.
I’ve voiced minor concerns regarding this situation and suggested maybe she should private her account. But, she doesn’t listen or seem to care. I’m worried someone might spread rumors about her since she is really flirtatious, or what if she leads on the wrong person? Someone who’s crazy, someone who can endanger her? I know this sounds a little extreme but I can’t help but worry. She is also a minor.
But, I am hesitant to confront her. I don’t want her to think I think she is a slut or something because I don’t think she is one. I also know she struggles with self image and sometimes think she is one.
My other attempts also didn’t really work. She said I was “victim blaming” her. I apologize if I am victim blaming (that is not my intent) but I know the kind of world we live in (especially the city we live in) and I want to make sure she minimizes the risk of danger as much as possible.
Once I asked her, why? And she said because she is an attention seeker. I don’t know if she was joking or not. She also said it’s just for “fun.”
What do I do?
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>My other attempts also didn’t really work. She said I was “victim blaming” her. I apologize if I am victim blaming (that is not my intent) but I know the kind of world we live in (especially the city we live in) and I want to make sure she minimizes the risk of danger as much as possible.
>Once I asked her, why? And she said because she is an attention seeker. I don’t know if she was joking or not.
She’s got something to prove. Also this is a warning of problematic social media use and Cluster B personality disorder, principally aHPD or vHPD. Call her, ending the relationship and citing problematic social media use, block her on everything and just stay away from everywhere that reminds you of her until she’s c. 28 years old.
tell her parents
you’re her best friend…talk to her.
Victim blaming lol she said that to manipulate you.
It seems pretty clear that you won’t be able to change how she thinks, some people need to bang their head against the wall a couple times to learn.
It’s reasonable to get worried but you haven’t said any example were she has actually been in danger.
And if she is in danger and even her parents don’t care, that could probably have something to do with why she acts this way.
The fact that she’s 15 does make it extra dangerous for her and she still doesn’t have the experince to step away from danger.
I ve known girls like the one you describe in college. Some of these early 20s attractive girls just want to see how many guys they can get simping in their circles and they don’t even want to get that involved with most of them they just like the attention. It’s far from the worst thing someone can do, but it can be frustrating on the other end when you think a girl is interested but it turns out she’s just playing around and having fun. But you learn to spot that stuff over time so you don’t waste your time.
Honey, sometimes you can’t save people who don’t want to be saved. You are young yourself. You may have to engage in self preservation.
If she is doing all this and putting herself in harms way you have to make sure she doesn’t pull you down.
At this point you may have to start separating from her. You have already discussed with her and she is adamant that she isn’t going to change then you need to start putting some distance between you. If you don’t you’ll find yourself being in situations you wouldn’t normally be that put you at risk.
I hate to say this but theres nothing else you can really do. You’ve already tried to be a good friend and you still are because you’re looking out for her.. however, its not your responsibility to fix her. She’s 15? Let her make her mistakes and learn from them.. its good that you care about her well being but you could only do so much ya know? You cant save everyone.