Hello redditors, what are some step dad things you should be prepared for?

6 comments

1. How old the kid?

2. Are you okay with getting attached and investing your resources into a child that you could potentially lose at any time? You could potentially be on the hook for child support if you’re together long enough. Check the laws where you live.

3. Slow down

4. Since you aren’t married yet, take it slow. Ask her about parenting, how she handles things.

   I see real dad is a deadbeat, so how is mom handling finances?

   Be careful and keep things slow before you 2 make things permanent.

   As you get to know the kid, remember you are not the parent or stepparent at this point.

   Have fun with the kid, but do not overstep.

5. From my understanding her parents are supporting her and she lives with them, but I haven’t asked her any of those questions yet since I didn’t want to seem nosey or also as if I was accelerating things at a fast pace. I guess really understanding our situations and limited times she will have taking care of her son is going to be different and getting used to on my end. I really liked how someone explained it as being a friend or good uncle to the boy first since he isn’t my son nor am I his stepdad. Baby steps and see where things go

6. I’m a step parent for the second time. In my experience there’s no such thing as typical. There’s situations where bio parent is involved (varying levels), deceased, contributing financially or not, involved former in-laws or not, amicable or otherwise. The age of the child influences stuff too. I’ve done the toddler years and teenage ones, and the step role evolves just like the bio parent one does.
   You have to find your own way. Just take it steady, talk a lot about how you want stuff to work, and don’t be like all those terrible step parents on AITA who try and force relationships, adoptions etc.