…and we’re about to close on our first house together this week. Married 5 years, late 20s.
Husband has long had (what I consider to be) an addiction to video games. Since his childhood. It peaked during COVID and I was mortified at the number of total hours he has put in to video games, specifically one video game (talking thousands upon thousands of hours. I did the math and he was spending ~40 hours a week playing video games, IN ADDITION to his full time job. Thank you Steam for tracking this.) He became extremely irritable upon losing games.
We had a heart to heart and he pulled back on the gaming but the habit never truly left. He gets angry if I (briefly!) talk to him while he plays his games. He’s constantly on Discord. Constantly on his phone. Fuck, he’s constantly on Reddit. He has to be doing *something* mindless like at all times.
No he is not depressed, I’ve asked and I do not see it.
The worst part is that we’ve both formed a habit of complacency. Go to work, come home, do basic things, separate for a while when he plays video games, I sit on my phone, I go to sleep and he stays up for hours longer than me. Ruins my weekend mornings because I’d like to spend the morning hours with my husband, but he’s asleep instead. Yes I’ve told him all these frustrations. Nothing has changed though. Bringing out the worst habits in each other.
I am sick of my bad habits and time wasting, and I am actively working to improve this and better my life. Hell I have the know-about to realize I have a stupid mindless problem. Meanwhile I don’t think this video game addiction will change. Like it or not I really think spending his time like this is utterly stupid and unproductive.
I want my partner back. I am slowly learning we have different goals and acceptances in our life. He truly is a creature of habit, happy where he is m in his career and could do the same thing forever, I’m constantly on the move to try and move up the ladder. I want BOTH of us to be *productive.* To be a team together, make stuff, have hobbies together. He has two hobbies, one athletic (great!) and the other is video games. If I were to ask him his top 5 life priorities (and I will), I reckon he’d say work, hobby 1, and video games as his top three. It hurts to have our marriage in the bottom rung. Like he’s still a bachelor.
Ahh, probably time for therapy. Idk if I can do this forever though.
4 comments
I went thru something similar. What game is it? I had a partner who could not stop playing competitive shooters and played them like a full time job… He never really saw a problem with it
Try scheduling dates. That can really help. Agree to device free times as well.
But it sounds like you are questioning your relationship. You think you and he have different life goals. Don’t settle! You only live once. You need to live your life on your own terms. If he had different goals, it’s time to reevaluate.
It is common for young men with depression to develop video game addictions. Unfortunately, most men I know of who go through this can take many years to recover on their own. If they are capable of self-recovery at all. As for the root cause of his addiction, it could be almost anything. I wish you luck.
I would absolutely demand therapy and if nothing changed I would probably leave the marriage. Sorry you’re dealing with this. My husband (31) says so many of his coworkers are addicted to gaming.