My partner and I have been going through a rough patch.
I recently realized a lot of emotional abuse I had gone over the past 5-6 years of our relationship. She made me question a lot of things about me. I through therapy was able to uncover a lot of these issues. Some of them are because my own problems and some because of how she is and how she ended up abusing the power she has over me.
Some of the examples of these would be: Make my question my love for her; How I can’t love people and don’t know how to love; Placing all the responsibility to make her happy on me; Threatening her life in case I leave; Physically abusing me; Forcing marriage upon me ( as tough as this is to believe)
The list is long and there are lot of things. Since I brought these up to her she has apologised for all of these and regrets all that she has done. She is willing to change as of now and is showing signs of improvement. She loves me and is very sorry for what she did.
My problem is that I can’t really move on from these things. I move on and something happens that pushes me back into a dark place. I feel I have not gotten anything I want in so long that I just want to run away from her, just to show her how she hurt me. But I think I love her too, she has been supportive in her own ways and has loved me a lot.
I keep thinking how I want to leave her and be on my own. Be with someone else or just be alone, but not with her. But people say marriage is all about accepting your flaws and working on it, she is willing to do that. I feel if I stay with this thinking, I will be waiting for her to fail once and then I will run away. Because somehow I will be waiting for her to fail. If I leave her, I don’t think I will be able to be back with her again. I think I will hurt her a lot as well, I end up caring a lot about her and then not do what I want. Neither am I exceptionally clear about what I want. Perhaps, as of now, not being with her.
What should I do? What would you do?
3 comments
There is flaws and quirks and then there is abuse… this is clear bad abuse.
You need time away to clear your mind and focus on you and the reality of the situation.
I hope you can find a therapist to talk to.
Please separate now but figure out if you want to divorce later.
There comes a point where you cannot find it within yourself to forgive. If you have reached that point, then perhaps it’s best if you part ways.It is not fair to her to be putting in effort for someone who is just anxiously looking for an excuse to leave.
I would suggest you continue with your therapy too. Having been through a divorce, it’s hard on a person, and having someone to talk through things would be helpful.
You are almost a hostage, Leave