Need Some Advice(Very Long)

The relationship I felt has been weighing on me really heavy lately. My girlfriend (18f) and me (19m) have been together for about 2 years and a half and we recently broke up because I wanted my freedom and independence and I just wasn’t feeling happy anymore with myself or her(but we got back together). I wanted my time to discover what I wanted out of life because I’m going to college in September, but she is just going to be a Senior in high school, so we’re in two different parts of life. She also realized she was unhappy with us and herself too so we promised each other that we would at least give It effort to get better, but she felt as though there needed to be rules which I didn’t agree with at first because It didn’t sound right but I agreed; her rules for me was that I was not allowed to talk/see any other girls until she started talking to someone and I agreed, and I just asked her not to get sexually or romantically involved with this one guy who tried to get her to cheat on me and she agreed.

So At that time I didn’t talk to or see any girls and just focused on myself like I was doing very well I was taking my mental health very seriously, I was going to the gym daily, actively eating better, waking up earlier and I was performing better at work, I made a lot of male friends my age, which I didn’t have before, and my relationship with my father improved slightly. So at this time, I did speak to my girlfriend a lot less often than before, but when we did talk she acted cold to me and I was confused because we ended on good terms I thought, so I did question her about what was wrong and after a lot of questioning(seeing now I should have just dropped it) she told she that she was dating the one kid who I asked her not to date, and I know I wasn’t dating her but I just felt so betrayed so I blocked her. Then for a good two weeks, I was crying and staying up late and working out all night long to try and forget about her. But then she found a way to contact me and somehow got me to come back into her life as her friend and one of the nights I drove to her house sobbing asking her to please not date him and I know I shouldn’t have asked that. That night she just told me no that because I broke up with her that she got to do whatever she wanted and that I hurt her and I felt like I was such a piece of crap so I just tried to stay in her life as a friend and I watched as her and her new guy were together. I did slowly get over her and I started using Tinder and I started talking to a girl and one of the days I was hanging out with my ex at the time she caught me texting the girl and she questioned me asking me what she looked like and what her name was and I didn’t want to take the questioning anymore so I told her then she started like insulting the girl and like laughed at me saying how I downgraded but then made me delete her. Then Eventually I switched to Bumble and I started talking to this one girl who I instantly clicked with her then I met her without my ex knowing and she made me feel so great like I was instantly comfortable with her and she felt the same with me, she was gorgeous to me I loved her personality and like I liked everything about her. Everything was going great and one night I went over to her house I always got anxious when I smoked weed but with her I was fine It was fun and I felt safe and then that night my ex started nonstop calling me and I was getting really anxious to the point where I guess I was shaking and the girl I was with knew exactly what to do to make me feel better and she didn’t question who was calling she just helped me and I really started falling for her hard.

I started telling my best friend about her and they were ecstatic and wanted to meet them. Then one day I was going to see them and my ex started calling me nonstop to go see her and so I made it so I would see the girl a little later in the night and then when I got to my ex’s house everything was going okay until she said that she broke up with the guy she was dating and wanted to get back with me and I said that I didn’t want to get back with her. Then that’s when her insistent questioning started and she was like for what other reason would you not wanna get back with me other than If you weren’t talking to another girl, and she didn’t stop, and then after her constantly basically pressing me I felt like I was a piece of crap for not telling her so I told her I was seeing someone and she started sobbing like screaming and saying I was a piece of crap. To tell the truth, I got pissed off and was arguing with her because I didn’t want her crying after breaking the one rule I asked her to do and she used the excuse of how he was the only one showing her attention and then she started talking about the private time and everything else with him and I was truthfully just lighting the fire that started by arguing back and then I tried to leave and she started to scream cry so loud you could hear her from outside so I felt like shit and went back in and she asked If I was supposed to see the girl today and I said yes and then she told me to get the f out and I did and It just made me feel like I was a piece of crap because I left her crying, but don’t sometimes people just have to cry to get over things?

That night I went over to the girl’s house and she could tell that something was wrong I explained to her everything that had happened on both sides and she just hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay and that I’m safe; I felt as though was heart was going to leave my body because of how anxious I was but she helped she really did make me feel safe. Eventually, I went back to my dads, and Then in the morning I woke up to my ex in my room waking me up out of bed, then I hung out with her for a little and she gave me an ultimatum and I didn’t know how to respond and she told me that either I had to leave this girl and her and I could befriend again or that If I chose this girl that my ex would hate me and never speak to me again. I told her to go home and she did.

The next day I woke up to her in my house again (she knew where my house keys were hidden). Then she kept pressing me throughout the entire day until I got to a point where I tried to attempt, and she stopped me; I had a really bad past in bad thoughts I had to be hospitalized. But that night with her I just broke and I told the girl that I couldn’t do It anymore and I had been struggling with my mental health she offered to help me but I declined. Then that’s when my girlfriend and I got back together and ever since then I moved out of my dad’s back to my mom’s which is the place that landed me in the psychiatric hospital in the first place, I stopped seeing friends, my relationship with my father is shot completely, I lost my job and I stopped working out and I just feel as though any and all that progress I made Is just gone like I just fell back down into that pit of depression again. I see that It would be better to leave her and restart but I’m afraid that the girl won’t take me back because I hurt her really bad and I’m scared that If I leave her I really won’t have anyone again like I’ll just be alone. I also don’t wanna hurt her, so Idk what to do anymore just sit there miserable to make her happy.