TLDR: I have extreme dating anxiety after bad experiences and usually have an avoidant attachment style. I’ve been seeing this guy from hinge for 7 weeks and like him too much to cut this off even though there may be the chance he isn’t looking for something serious so tonight I’m not playing it cool anymore and letting him know where I stand.
Long story:
I’ve been dating this guy from hinge for around 7 weeks and we’ve had 6 dates (i’ve been on holiday and him away for a weekend so it’s not been as consistent as I’d have liked). He’s not my usual type looks wise but I still find him attractive I don’t think I’m his usual type either but he’s into me physically. After the 1st date i wasn’t sure if i was into him but thought i may as well keep seeing him as i was going through a dry spell. Since then we text in depth more or less everyday about everything and the dates have got better and better – we go out to eat, galleries, drinks, park dates etc. Last weekend he spent the whole weekend at mine and we had dinner, made cocktails, went clothes shopping and chilled in the park for hours and ate pizza. I had such a good time and realised how much time I could spend with him and still have fun. This always disappears after 2 months with other men.
We’ve talked about our families, work, exes etc. and I’m now at the stage where I want more formal commitment – i.e. we’re dating with the intention of making this a relationship. we haven’t had these convos yet as i didn’t want to previously but now i want a proper future with him so i think it’s time. I’m usually used to letting guys take the lead so this is really scary for me – i’ve asked to see him tonight with the intention of having this convo.
Things I’m worried about;
1 – I’m 24 and he’s 29 and only has one ex from 4 years ago which makes me
think he’s super picky. he’s quite outgoing, well off, popular and handsome so i’m sure getting women isn’t an issue.
2 – we see each other once a week which isn’t enough for me but we do live like an hour 15 mins apart and our dates last the whole day/night normally.
3 – we had sex on the first date which may have set the tone as causal? He also hasn’t made any moves to defining us or where we stand. I know he likes me
but how much?
4 – I’m black and he’s South Asian – maybe he just sees this as a fling that’s fun and different and not long term potential?
Green flags so far:
1- when i’ve called him out on bad replies he’s been apologetic and called me up after and now if he’s going to take a while to reply he’ll let me know beforehand.
2- He’s only sleeping with me and has said if this changes he’ll be open about it with me, but wouldn’t want to anyway.
3 – when i’m visibly upset he wants to know why and resolves the issue and validates me even if i’m being crazy.
4 – good sex, i.e. he’s embarrassed that he finishes so quickly and has to a ticket hold back on this despite being older and experienced- he said it’s because of me. (hopefully not bullshit to make me feel good)
5 – he’s very funny and we share the exact same particular humour.
6 – good job, intelligent and has old fashioned gentleman traits that i value.
7- he’s taken initiative to plan some dates like the gallery and brunch etc.
I feel like we get on so well and I really can’t pretend to be casual now when I no longer feel that way. Is this too early and from what i’ve said do you think he’s on the same page or not? I feel the answer is most likely no but am ready to deal with that.
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Remember that healthy relationships are based on open and honest communication between mature consenting adults who treat each other with respect and share common interests and compatible life goals.