(Sorry for the dumb title; I couldn’t have come up with a better one.)
I’m a Taiwanese college graduate, and during my 4 years in college I’ve served as a Chinese Tutor for international students from all over the world. During the process, I naturally befriended a couple of cool people from Japan, Spain, Malaysia, Germany, etc. However, it is the Americans that usually strike me as incredibly kind and hospitable. Now, I don’t always share the same ideologies with my American friends, but they are some of the most caring and loyal people I know, and I wouldn’t even consider us to be *that* close to form this kind of bond!
One American guy (living in the US), after learning that I had a bad breakup, made sure to text me almost every day to see if I was ok; before that we seldom talked, and when we did, our conversation was almost always about videogames lol. Recently I told another American friend of mine (studying in Taiwan now) that I’m thinking about going to grad school abroad and now he’s freaking out and giving me all sorts of information, things like grad schools in the US, special programs, how to avoid mandatory military service in Taiwan (lol), etc. He even went the extra mile to call me and discuss about it. I’ve known him for a couple of months and only met him in person twice.
TL;DR: I guess the point I’m trying to make is that the Americans I meet are usually willing to do a lot for you even if they’ve just known you for a short while. I really appreciate these kind gestures from my foreign friends. But at the same time, I’m wondering if I am the one setting expectations for what friends should do too low? Then again, is what I have been doing for my friends really too insufficient, if I have been doing it this way my whole life, as it only seems appropriate this way where I live?
Are American in general just like, super nice? If so, what is the appropriate way for me to respond to them?
25 comments
There’s 300 million people here, some are kind, some are not. That’s life i guess
Why would anyone fake being kind (outside of work that is)?
Most Americans are genuinely kind and decent, if not you’re considered an a–hole.
I have a couple friends from China (couple from Shanghai, one from a small village that I can’t pronounce the name).
They have all said that compared to China, Americans are over the top nice. To the point where they actually get uncomfortable.
Maybe it’s just a culture thing? I do know that casual greetings, small talk, and service with a smile are pretty American traits. And especially outside big cities people put a lot of focus on being helpful and hospitable.
Obviously there’s jerks everywhere but you get the point.
I’d say most people are kind to those they consider their friends or close acquaintances.
Compared to many other cultures, Americans are pretty “friendly” on early interactions.
Since in many cultures (e.g., Scandinavian cultures, from what I hear), it’s uncommon to show that level of friendliness on early interactions, it’s sometimes interpreted as an American expecting a deeper level of personal friendship. Other times it just seems weird. But in reality, it’s just pretty common for Americans to behave in a friendly way.
As a culture we seem to be a sharing/giving group of people. I remember camping in the Grand Canyon next to a family of 4 Germans (mom dad boy girl) who weren’t quite sure what to say or do after I dropped off a load of firewood for them for the night. They hadn’t come with anything but shorts and it gets a little chilly at 7500 feet after dark. They were still around the campfire when I went to bed
I had two umbrellas in my car, saw a dude walking in a rainstorm & gave him one. I’m not super kind, but it was raining and I had an extra.
The majority of people I deal with daily aren’t dicks.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve got our share of serial killers! /s
Americans really like to show off our country.
We love showing off our food and our cars and taking foreigners to places so they can see “what a real American [x] is.”
It’s like when you visit your younger cousins: they want to show off their toys and talk to you for an hour about Fortnite. It’s annoying, sure…but we do it because we really do think a lot of this shit is awesome and want to share it with others.
Culturally Americans tend to be pretty friendly and kind to new acquaintances in my experience, compared to more standoffish cultures.
There’s 330 million of us so you are bound to find jerks but I think overall we are kind and decent.
This is a different take. Imo, American history and culture has always been based on conflict and appropriation. Born of revolution, the constitution is a conflict resolution document, and immigration and assimilation is the cultural foundation.
Because of a national identity based on differences and conflict, we tend to overemphasize similarity and friendliness to maximize the quality of life for everybody involved.
Americans want to feel like they are good and promoting their idea of good which generally can be viewed as socially extravertive or with a goal of spreading joy to others. Generally if helping someone does not come at any cost to them the positive response they receive from doing something nice or good for others is incentive enough to do that said nice thing. I don’t think most Americans view this consciously like a manipulation but rather the old saying “if you do good things good things will happen in return”
Hospitality is a core American value. When someone arrives from a place where the typical American will probably never visit, there is a natural tendency to want to help out that person who is far from home. We also don’t tend to travel internationally very much, so we’re very interested in the lives of visitors.
For whatever it’s worth, as an American, I try to be nice to everyone I meet unless they’re outwardly rude. I smile, give a genuine compliment, strike up a conversation if the opportunity comes up, and just try to be one less sucky person they have to encounter. It feels nice to be nice.
Well yes. Think of it this way. Even our poop people have lives of abundance, compared to some places in the world.
No matter how crappy or run down an apartment is, there’s hot running water. The electricity works. There’s windows and doors.
You’ve been really lucky, but also, Americans mostly aim to be very kind and helpful, especially to those who are probably in greater need of it because they’re from a country several thousand miles away.
Thank them and when you see the opportunity, do good things for them. Friendship doesn’t have to balance out perfectly, but it only lasts when there’s some balance of give and take.
I don’t think we are kinder people, but we don’t have any cultural inhibitions about being generous with strangers. Some cultures do, so their people will be hesitant to be generous or do favors for people they aren’t close friends or family with.
So, let’s assume 20% of everyone, regardless of culture, has a warm and giving personality. In America (and other cultures like ours), that 20% of people will be **more** generous. Just 20% of people can spread a lot of good feelings.
We also have our share of selfish jerks, but it’s not socially acceptable to be a selfish jerk, so they aren’t as free about expressing their selfish jerkness. They still manage to be jerks though.
I would say you might have gotten a bit lucky in who you’ve met, but not extraordinarily lucky. There are definitely people like that and they aren’t rare. I guess I’m like that and my wife is – we try to help out neighbors, friends, coworkers whenever we see an opportunity to. Feels good to be helpful, and it does have a way of coming back to you. I do favors for people a lot more than I ask for favors – I really don’t like asking for a favor – but when I genuinely need help, there are a lot of people I can call on who would help me if I can. Because people are much more willing to aid someone who has a reputation for kindness and generosity.
>One American guy (living in the US), after learning that I had a bad breakup, made sure to text me almost every day to see if I was ok; before that we seldom talked
So, uh, just putting this out there but are you a woman? Could have something to do with that particular case lol
In general we’re pretty outgoing here. Personally the two examples you gave are the types of things I’d do for friends I consider close but not just anyone.
One consideration is certainly in the mid west and west we had a culture of helping each other due to low population density during the settlement years, that was was passed on thru the generations, you may not like the guy down the street but unless he is monster Dick head you will still be polite and helpful if needed.
Most people are good , the # of ahole is really small and the # of bad people in general is quite low.
You’re not lucky in this case, you’re just not rude or just an asshole in general. If you act humble and kind, most of the time Americans will act the the same towards you. Keep it up.
I’ve always found Americans to be really welcoming, kind & friendly. Love visiting the US.
We are nice af. Most countries I’ve worked in only treat you with kindness if they think you have money. We just treat you weigh kindness if you’re cool.
We certainly have hospitable values to strangers in public, but unless you’re close to us you won’t know what we really think since we don’t see any need to make someone feel bad if we’re unlikely to see them on a regular basis.
Americans are generally nice on the surface. It’s the politicians and TV personalities who bring out the worst in people.
We are overly friendly though I fear this is changing