For context a few months after my husband and I moved in together, he asked for a dog. He knows I’m not an animal person and get grossed out easily but it didn’t stop him. He talked me into getting a dog. It was weeks of begging and telling me he will be doing everything for the dog. Well we got her and it’s been a year now. And to be honest, I regret being a pushover. But the problem is that the dog is now fully my responsibility. I’m in college (classes are online) and will be going to work soon as I’m about to be done with grad school. My husband also works away from home . I do all of the cooking and the cleaning. I’m honestly exhausted. The amount of cleaning that I have to do has quadrupled. She digs in the backyard so the house is covered in dirty paw prints and the white couches are completely covered. I have to wash them once a week if not twice. That’s 16 pillow 8 top and 8 bottom. I have to vacuum twice a day because she sheds really bad and wash the floor morning and night. She’s a large dog so she’s very active and wants to do stuff all day. I don’t have time to do anything with her. Thing is I didn’t sign up for this responsibility. The amount of shoes she ate had been over 20 that are mine even my wedding shoes. I don’t even go into the backyard because it’s all dug up. I also get grossed out easily like everyone I touch something the dog has touched or pet, I have to wash my hands. I cant eat from the plates she’s ate and I have to wash all blankets multiple times before I use them.
That’s not the problem, my husband wants to keep her forever and also wants to get another dog from the same breeder once she passes away. He loves the dog. He also wants a baby now too. I don’t have time to take care of the dog and work and do everything else I have to do and take care of a baby. I found this job but it’s in office and it pays really well but my husband is demanding I not take it because I need to be home with the dog so he wants me to get a stay at home job. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to he responsible for the dog. I also feel bad for the dog because it deserves to be in a home where it’s really loved by the person who is taking care of it. I can’t give love that’s not in me for animal. I think they are cute and I don’t want anything bad to happen to them but not for me to have at home. My husband doesn’t understand and thinks that I should be able to handle everything. Kids at home, working full time at home and having a large energetic puppy that’s always getting in trouble.
I’ve asked some friends for advice and they are such dog people that they’ve called me selfish and that I need to make more effort to love the dog. Buts it’s been a year and I’m more and more annoyed of her. Why can’t I live how I want? In peace?
8 comments
It sounds like the issue isn’t your dog, but your husband and his attitude. What is he doing to support you? Or pull his weight at home?
You need to start setting boundaries with this guy. If you want to take that job, take it and make it clear to him that the dog is also his responsibility.
Maybe look up some assertiveness techniques.
Please don’t agree to children unless you feel happy.
Sound like my grandpa. He buys a dog and plays with it maybe once a month and my grandma has to take care of it. Whenever it dies he replaces it. It always made me mad that my grandma never told him to stop. Maybe she did and he just never listened. You can’t be happy with a pet you don’t like. If he doesn’t take care of the dog than get rid of it. Trust me, unwanted pets aren’t good for anybody. It’s better than the dog being neglected.
Time to have a serious sit down with hubby about the dog and these other issues. Sounds like he’s taking you for granted and putting a ton of responsibility on you while not bringing much to the table himself. If he cares so much about this dog he should treat it properly and train the damn thing because he clearly isn’t if it’s doing what you’re describing. You’re partners and should be doing things equally and it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. He expects you to basically be a stay at home mom/maid while he enjoys his cute dog he doesn’t have to actually take care of. It’s time to tell him what you wrote here basically and for him to start pulling his weight around the house.
Oooooohhh I have a lot of things to say to your husband and none of them are kind. He’s being a stupid selfish ass with wildly unrealistic expectations that seem to fall entirely on you and never on himself.
You’ve gotta get ready to die on this hill NOW before you have a kid to worry about. Take that office job – he can’t stop you, and you don’t need his approval or agreement. He wanted the dog, if he’s concerned about how it will be looked after when you’re not at home then he can make arrangements and pay for them – dog walkers and dog daycares exist for a reason.
I also think you should refuse to start trying for a kid until he rehomes the dog. If you are already miserable and overwhelmed caring for HIS pet,
there’s no way your marriage will survive having a baby as well. If your husband thinks you should be able to “do it all” then he can work full time, do the majority of childcare and stay at home caring for his dog and see how the hell he likes it.
I’m sorry if I sound harsh but your husband is being a total douche about this. He wants things a certain way and seemingly expects you to do all the work required to make his dream life happen, no matter how miserable it makes you. You’ve already let this get too far with the dog situation. The time to stand up for yourself was yesterday, but luckily there’s still today. Take the office job. Tell him you don’t want kids AND a dog and you’re not having both. If he gets upset – tough. You’ve been upset for a year dealing with a pet you don’t want, this is no longer your problem to deal with. He’s done what he wants with no real consideration for you – don’t feel bad about putting your own needs first for a change. If he’s seriously asking you to pass up a great job so you can stay at home and look after HIS dog, then you two might need to see a therapist together to figure out a way to build a more reasonable partnership in future.
My mom who is a genius with this stuff always said a couple should get a dog first before they marry. Obviously that is completely unrealistic for 1 billion people. But I get the concept. And maybe you will too
Your husband needs to be thrown away. All of the dogs bad behaviors are fixable (unfortunately with effort but it’s doable). A good dog school is your absolute friend right now, next step is getting a couch cover and an robot vacuum, finally reseeding the backyard with clover or grass seeds should help reduce dirt but you’ll have to keep the dog off the grass for a few days for best results. Your husband should pay for all of this because it’s his doing. But you need to decide if you want to stay in a relationship with a dog and a sexist oversized child.
As a dog person: You’re not being selfish! I know how much dirt dogs make and how much attention and care they need! And an Akita, dear lord! No, they won’t ‘train themselves’, if he wants to keep the dog he can pay for a dog walker, a dog trainer and a maid as well.
Instead he wants you to be the cook, the trainer, the walker and the maid without pay! While your trying to finish your studies!
Take that office job! If he can’t take care of the dog, he’ll just have to pay for a sitter/walker.
Your husband honestly sounds like a child begging for a pet, only to then not take care of it. It’s his dog and he wanted it and he should take care of it. Period. It’s not your dog and you shouldn’t feel responsible.
Especially a big dog like an Akita needs lots of space and entertainment to be well mannered, your husband as a handler should be aware of this. Also I wouldn’t recommend even thinking about children in your relationship bc your husband needs to grow up first and having small children with such a big and probably untrained dog is very dangerous, please be careful OP!
So to close this: as someone who loves dogs: you are absolutely in the right here OP! Whoever wanted the dog should be the primary caregiver to the dog and if the needs of the dog can’t be met it might be better for the dog to get rehomed. This has nothing to do with you not loving the dog or being selfish, instead it is your husband being selfish, insisting on a dog (like a little child) even tho there is no space and he doesn’t have the time to take care of the dog.
I wish you (and pupper) the best!
Your husband does not care about your happiness or well-being.