We have been talking for about 2 years and living together for 1. When we started dated things were really fun/genuine! He was a great listener, and he was always so sweet with cards, gifts, or spending time together. Once I moved in, however, it took a 180.
Our sex life has always been bland, but the frequency became almost nonexistent. I sometimes felt like we were just really good friends and not meant to be more. Anytime i would bring this up, he’s reassured me that he thinks i am attractive and he loves me. To be clear, i am confident about myself, but he never compliments my ass or looks. He asked me to take Birth control which I opted in for in the hopes that we would have sex more often but it only gave me mild depression. He looks at porn on a daily basis, but jerks off only every once in a while. I feel like giving up. I make him breakfast and clean the apartment and I feel a lack of appreciation.
Recently, he has made new friends from work and has never intentionally invited me along to hangouts and always presented it like it was a guys thing. I recently found out that their wives and GF’s have been going so that made me feel shitty. I am new to his town, so I haven’t been able to make friends as I work from home. I make more than him so i feel like i am being used – i was paying most of the bills when he was in training and always buy groceries. I don’t think he’s cheating but he looks at me so coldly now and won’t open up about his feelings on top of everything else. I thought I wanted to marry him but I feel like I am wasting my time here. I travel for work in a few days and he still seems annoyed when I’m around. Should I just bite the bullet and break it off?
EDIT: he does buy groceries every now and again or buys me food. I only paid 70/30 for shared bills and we’ll be switching it for the next few months so he does try to make things even
31 comments
Trust your gut, hon. If he won’t talk with you about it then maybe it is time to cut him loose like a baby fish from a line. He isn’t mature enough to be a keeper.
Sounds like he might have an unhealthy relationship with porn, I never look at porn just for fun without jacking off, and don’t do it at all when in a relationship. Maybe talk about it? Couples therapy could help as well.
Ask him the question: “Do we need to look for different partners or is there something we can do to fix this drifting apart and lack of intimacy?”
That should be a good starting point.
Sounds like you’re just the housekeeper. I’d dump him. You deserve a full relationship not just be someone to clean up after a grown man while he watches porn and won’t introduce you to his friends.
Sounds like he just wants a roommate who handles majority of the bills & cleaning. Doesn’t seem invested in you or whatever you have to offer. I say pull the plug & let him go. If he wants you back, then he can take the time to show you. But you shouldn’t waste anymore time assuming he cares.
Dump his ass and move on, you deserve better. Don’t waste your time
Bite the bullet already!
You’re crazy. You really want to marry this person? Nope, I don’t know why you believe you deserve to be treated like this, but you’re wrong. This is below basic respect, he’s using you.
It’s time to break up and find someone who will love you and value you.
you’re not crazy. leave him sis, you deserve more
Honey I don’t care what the story is if he has out right your not attractive enough to have sex with then leave his stupid ass and find a real partner that actually respects you
So you’re his mommy. You pay the bills, cook, and clean. But he doesn’t enjoy spending time with you.
Have you ever met his coworkers? Do they even know about you? Or does he pretend he is single when he goes out?
I’d you stopped having sex when you lived together then common sense is don’t live together. If he is not inviting you to functions that other SO are attending then he’s not into you all together. Quit making yourself crazy. Lose the guy and gain your sanity and sense back.
I didnt even have to read anything you said except for the title. Leave. You deserve someone who wont be embarrassed of you and show you off. Love yourself.
>he’s reassured me that he thinks i am attractive and he loves me.
[X] DOUBT
He may love you. He might even like you. But the lust isn’t there. You two have moved in together and now he’s in too deep.
***You*** have to be the one to determine if this is the ^sex life you want. Because the road is rough. What do you think is gonna happen when you find a male friend that’s both attractive and attracted to you? The resentment will eat you alive.
I’m throwing a shot in the dark here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he either had a lack of libido from an outside factor or if he might be gay. If he’s looking at porn on a daily basis, but not jacking off he might be trying to desensitize himself to it? It could be that you guys are better off as friends. You aren’t crazy. If you feel comfortable with it, I’d recommend telling him that if this issue isn’t solved it’s going to end the relationship because, even if not now, it will eventually. Maybe that will open the conversation up to being able to maintain a good friendship– at least as long as you’re living together and relying on each other. That could also set his priorities straight. It doesn’t sound like this is all because of your attractiveness– he’s got another issue
You gave him the wife treatment when you’re just the gf. You love him too much it is becoming a “mothering” thing and he is taking it for granted. Doesn’t sound healthy by the way
My first instinct is to say ask him directly what the problem is. You said you have, be it indirectly, and he hinted at he would be willing to sleep with someone else if it wouldn’t ruin the relationship.
That’s a red flag in my book. Intimacy and social interaction with **you** does not interest him. So what’s left? Financial stability and quality of life living arrangement.
This is extremely unhealthy for you to remain in this relationship. You’re not his mother, nor his wife, you’re not obligated to financially support him. I would start the process to leave him today.
Him paying for groceries is the least of your issues. Bin it off and you will find someone who will worship the ground you walk on and be proud to have you.
*I feel like giving up. I make more than him so i feel like i am being used. I feel like I am wasting my time here -* listen to yourself.
Guy moved you to a new area where you don’t have a support system and then this happened.
You work remote. No need to stick around. Start packing and go.
Sounds like the porn is rewiring his expectations and views, to look at it every day and not jerk off. The way he’s treating you as well is just wrong. Maybe it’s just the way he is and is now letting his guard down? Which is sad if that’s be case.
Look I’d just ask him “Do you feel fulfilled in this relationship? Not a trick question, because I’m not. I feel like I’m just your house maid or friend you live with. You don’t include me in your life, our sex life is non-existent but you look at porn daily, so you do have a sex drive you just don’t share it with me. All cards on the table, am I wasting my time here? Because something has to change to stay”.
You pay for the majority of the living expenses, you do the housework, he ignores you, doesn’t meet your needs and watches porn? And you are wondering if you should break up?
YES. you should dump him. What reason could you possibly have to stay?
Info: why do women date these losers? Get some self respect and leave this mooch.
ok, i said this the other day in response to another post. or something similar. but this basically is equivalent to saying “i don’t want you, i just want the benefits that come with being with you.” like a stray feral cat. that could come in the form of security, attention (the kind he wants), or something else. but be real here. if he wanted you, there would not be a boundary he wouldn’t cross to get to you.
in essence, he is a different kind of gold digger. your guy just told you to your face they want someone else because they think you are not enough to fulfill them. he wants a side chick, because you can’t give him what he thinks he needs by yourself. that’s not fair to you.
if you are not wanted, then fine. but that means his needs are not your problem any more. that means he is free to find someone he does want, and you are free to find someone who wants you. it’s up to you to decide, but i would drop this man so fast.
Been there, didn’t work and it was driving me crazy. I left him three years ago and now I have a boyfriend who is very attracted to me. I’m telling you this because you need to trust that there’s someone better out there who will treat you the way you want to and someone who really appreciates you. Don’t waste any more time on this. If there’s something i regret is staying in a relationship where I was not feeling valued at all
It doesn’t even sound like he likes you, he is mistreating you, you aren’t happy, and the relationship sounds like it ran it’s course. Be also seems to be using you which is why he doesn’t end it. Why would he? He has a maid, a cook, and someone paying for his life.
You’re just convenient. The quicker you accept that the quicker you can leave this relationship and stop making posts on reddit hoping somebody will give you some sort of Freudian explanation as to why he’s acting that way.
Edit: and, to be clear, there’s nothing wrong with posting on Reddit to get an outside perspective, that’s what it’s for. I’m just saying the answer here is obvious and you need to accept it asap
Dump. His. Ass.
I’m going to just say this.
LEAVE HIM
Not crazy at all. In my experience (41)f. If he’s hanging with guys/couples he knows from work and isn’t introducing you to even though you don’t have any local friends, that’s a sign that he’s up to something.. Be it a cute sister or friend of one of the guys or wife’s, or maybe he’s just a porn addicted asshat. IDK but definitely sounds like you can and likely will find a better situation..
And if my husband doesn’t say something about or touch my ass a few times a day I’m like wtf dude..
And at 24 with a good sounding job and no mention of kiddos girl go be happy, if he isn’t making you happy stop doing him.
If he’s looking at porn daily he’s definitely got his hands down his pants probably several times a day.. That’s a major issue.
Sorry for the longness my little sister just went through a similar issue I’ve been watching her deal with it.
Girl… You’re 24. Cut the cord, take this extremely valuable lesson and enjoy being young.