So I’ve been seeing a guy I know (we have been in the same friend group for a while) for around a month, and it feels as though it’s progressing somewhat… however, the thing is I’m not feeling sure that we’re compatible for a long term relationship, which is a view that I don’t think he shares. He’s dropped references here and there about getting serious, like “you make me reconsider my ability to be in a serious relationship”, joking about me moving in at the end of my lease next year, and saying things like “it’s never been this easy with someone for me before”.
All of this is making it very difficult for me to come out and say I’m feeling unsure, especially as I’m EXTREMELY non-confrontational and have a very hard time voicing things to people when I feel it might make them upset (came from an abusive household… thanks mom, lol). It’s not as though I want to stop seeing him, I enjoy the time we spend together and our sexual relationship for the most part, but the thought of this progressing into something serious is starting to make me feel uneasy. I’m pretty sure if I don’t say anything that that will not be clear (especially as I was the one who initiated the dating)… what do?
Thank you for reading and for any and all advice!!
Edit: of course like 20 minutes after this post he texts me something really sweet… I AM SO CONFUSED HEEEEELP
1 comment
As someone who is also nonconfrontational, you need to learn how to speak up for yourself, which I know is easier said than done. Even if you were the one who initiated dating, dating does not obligate you to take things further with him. Dating is supposed to be the time you figure out IF this is what you want, it’s not a commitment to anything more.
But you do owe it to him to be honest. If he’s really catching feelings for you, you can be nice but you NEED to be CLEAR. Don’t be wishy washy or give him hope with “maybe one day”s or anything vague. Brace yourself for the worst – for him to be mad and call you names, but hope for the best – that he’s actually as nice of a person as he seems and will take it and move on like a mature person.
Good luck, I’m wishing your the best 👍🤞