Women of reddit, when did you come to the realization that you needed to break up with an SO because you needed to learn to be independent and stable on your own?

5 comments

1. Never, that’s stupid. You can learn to be independent without ending a relationship.

2. This wasn’t the only issue with my ex-husband but it was definitely one of the issues. He was a great perfectionist and often insisted on “I’ll do this myself because I know the best”. Over the years this led me to believe that I needed him to do certain things for me because I’m bad at doing them.

   When I realized that we were codependent, I also realized this was one of the ways it manifested. And it was one of the reasons for me to divorce because I knew I definitely needed to learn how to stand on my own two feet and get these things done by myself (for example, stuff like mortgage paperwork and other complex legal paperwork).

3. I don’t think that’s a legit reason to break up

4. If you feel like you should break up with someone to grow just do it. Normally we can grow while in a healthy relationship, but if it’s not healthy or your needs are getting met, your partner may indeed be holding you back from personal growth.

   I had an ex that did that. We even went to therapy because he told me ‘you grew too fast and didn’t wait for me’. Like I’m supposed to be less of a person so he’s comfortable.

   If you’re thinking about it, do it. There’s a valid reason why you’re thinking of it.

   Edit: typo

5. If the relationship is healthy, you won’t feel the need to break up. You can grow together. But both of you need to admit to yourself that you can each be better.