So to start, I’ve been dating my gf for 4 months, and she’s been friends with this girl for a really long time, at least a couple years. They’re like best friends, and I understand that. However when she sleeps over at her house, they sleep in the same bed, which I’m uncomfortable with, and I was wondering if it’s wrong for me to think that, because what is the difference if it was a guy, which I’d be upset with They’re both bisexual, so they both like girls. Am I wrong to think like this?
TLDR: My bisexual gf sleeps over w her best friend in the same bed who’s also bisexual and I don’t know whether it’s wrong to be upset about it.
14 comments
It’s not wrong to feel things, however, what you want to do with those feelings is an entirely different issue. To only be upset enough to talk about it if it were a guy would honestly be worse because it means you don’t think of interactions with women as legitimate. You can definitely tell her how you feel about it and let her tell her side. You’d have to see how the conversation goes after that. She may be totally fine not doing that anymore, but she may also insist that if the two of them wanted to date they would have, and at that point you’ll have to figure out if it bothers you enough to insist it stops or if you’re willing to try trust her on it.
If you trust your girlfriend, why would you be upset?
It is not wrong! This is something you can be upset about.
There are things you can do when single with friends or crushes that just are not necessarily cool when you’re in a committed relationship.
And it’s not a right or wrong thing either, by the way. It’s about what sort of relationship both parties want to have and where the ground rules on farming out intimacy are.
For example, I have friends who don’t go to strip clubs anymore because their partner wouldn’t like it. That crosses a boundary for them.
I’ve got another friend who is free to get “happy ending massages” anytime he likes with his girlfriend’s full acceptance. That’s just how they work.
Part of finding the right partner is about finding someone you can agree on the ground rules with.
So have the conversation with your girlfriend that sleepovers with people they are potentially sexually interested in (or if the other party is interested in them) is not something you want to be a part of. And she’ll either agree to cut out the sleepovers or you can both decide that this isn’t the right relationship for you. It doesn’t have to be a right or wrong thing, just a wrong for you.
Just because they both like girls doesn’t mean they like each other in a sexual way.
Your fear is based in biphobia. You think that all bisexuals just wanna fuck everybody all the time. You are not considering your girlfriend as a person. You are judging her based on her sexuality and her friends sexuality.
Depends on if you approve of being cheated on
I would be upset. Me and my bf have a boundary where sleeping in same bed as others is a no no unless absolutely necessary.
I assume you’re straight. Do you want to bang every single girl you meet?
That’s kind of the implication here.. that since bisexual peeps swing both ways, that they want to jump the entire world. That’s not true. I’m bi (F), as is my (F) best friend, and we’ve shared beds for years. There’s never been a shred of sexual tension between us two, because we know what we mean to each other. It sounds like that’s the kinda friendship your GF and her best friend have.
I understand that it may be uncomfortable for you but sometimes people REALLY CAN be platonic friends with people regardless of what gender they’re into!
I have the same issue but I don’t want to come off as douchey because I’m basically forcing her or her friend to sleep separated, but communication is very important in a relationship so I think you should go for it and if she isn’t okay with it then maybe she’s not the one for you.
If y’all are only 16 and she’s already known her best friend for a couple of years, that means they probably grew up together and consider each other as family. And just like you probably wouldn’t hook up with your sister just because you’re straight, they’re probably not gonna hook up with each other just because they’re bi. My childhood best friend and I are both bi women and shared a bed for years, and the thought of doing anything romantic/sexual with each other makes me want to gag.
That being said, a lot of people view sleeping together as an inherently romantic/sexual act. And if that’s you, then it’s ok to have your own boundaries around that, but it’s not okay to get upset with your girlfriend for not seeing it the same way. It’s just a difference in values, and neither is right or wrong. What you need to do is talk with your girlfriend and see where y’all might be able to align your boundaries and behaviors, and if you can’t then find someone who is on the same page a you.
i definitely understand what you’re feeling and that’s valid ofcourse. the thing is you mentioned that they are best friends right? if they’ve been best friends for a long time i’m sure that what they have is just platonic though i agree that you should tell her how you feel and see how you can both compromise. if it helps, my best friend and i (both women and both queer) used to be roommates and we always slept beside each other and there was no sexual tension at all. we both love each other platonically and her boyfriend knows that so he was okay with us being roommates 🙂 anyway, i hope u and your partner will get through this!!
Yes you should be upset. It’s like a straight girl sleeping with her straight guy friend in the same bed. You have boundaries and you being angry that your gf crosses those boundaries is valid. Let her know that you’re not comfortable about it. I’m gay and would not sleep with any of my gay friends in the same bed, not even straight friends.
There seems to be this crazy misconception about bisexuals that they’re sexually attracted to everyone they meet. If they’ve been best friends for awhile, chances are they’ve been doing this at sleepovers since they were young and it’s always been completely platonic. Before you accuse her of being untrustworthy, ask yourself whether your concerns are grounded in anything other than the fact that both of them are bisexual. Has your girlfriend ever given you any reason to believe there’s something more going on?
Would she be okay if you shared a bed with another straight woman (maybe or may not be a close friend)?
If her answer is yes, then she needs to get it together.